Post # 1
Warning: Mini-Vent Ahead 🙂
So Fiance and I came home from a weekend away to an exciting mailbox of bills and RSVPs. One of them was a “no”, which is fine except these were people we saw only a few weeks ago and they had told us they were exciting for the wedding and booking their hotel already and everything. So to receive this was a little bit of a shock, especially to Fiance when I said “Oh _____ isn’t coming to the wedding I guess”. I understand that sometimes things come up, that’s not the problem. So he called Future Mother-In-Law to explain how he was surprised about this… well turns out that a large group of Future Mother-In-Law family are “boycotting” are wedding due to our choice to not have children present.
We made this decision before we even got engaged, it was what we wanted. We knew some people were not going to be happy about it and one of said group of family members tried to talk Future Mother-In-Law into getting me to change my mind because it’s absurd that we were not going to let his 10 young cousins come. But you cannot make an exception for these family members and not extend it to everyone else that is family and invited (which would add 50 guests to our list).
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love children and I’m a teacher. I’ve been to weddings with and without children and enjoyed myself, but this was our decision and our venue is not really “kid-friendly”. Anyway I could tell Fiance was hurt by it and I feel bad, I don’t really know what to do. I can’t imagine having a family member tell my mother that their whole family (a good 15 or so guest) were just flat out boycotting our wedding to make a point.
Sorry it’s really been bugging me and I’m sad for Fiance.
Post # 3
@dfontaine07: I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I think it is SO rude for people to react like that. I guess when stuff like this happens you see everyone’s true colors. I’m hoping this isn’t going to happen to me. I’m waiting for the bomb to be dropped next week at my cousin’s graduation when my parents warn about the no-kids thing. We did it out of financial practicalities… I have a good 25 cousins just on my side of the family… But anyways I hope everything works out for you and I’m sure you have a wonderful day whether or not they show up. Who wants debby downers at your wedding anyways 😉
Post # 4
If they aren’t coming because of something like that, then do you really want people like that present at your wedding anyway? If they love and support you both, then they would be there for you. Look at it this way…you’re saving $$$ by not having to feed X amount of people…who seem to have an attitude.
Post # 5
Do not take this personally
How far are they traveling? I would be upset 2 if i was traveling a semi long distantance just b.c what are they supposed to do with the children?
I get not wanting babies. Totally understandable but 10 years old? really? they are not going to bother you or make ur day less special.
You made the decision to have a kidless wedding so i think you kinda gotta live with the “boycot”. Sorry i really hope i wasn’t to harsh thats just my two cents. i hope you have a fantastic day! if it makes you feel any better my dads and stepmoms whole side is not coming. except like two people and its really depressing! hope everything works out
Post # 6
I’m so sorry that his family is just being so petty. But my feeling is, that if people can let go of what they think a wedding should be and celebrate my wedding, I don’t want them there. It is sad, but they people who do show up are the ones who really love you.
Post # 7
Lol. I would be happy to have dodged that bullet. I would not want anyone like that at my wedding anyway. If they change their minds, I’d be saying “Sorry, we are at capacity and the numbers have already been submitted.”
Post # 8
I agree 10000x with all the previous posters. These boycotting family members would just bring negative energy to your wedding. I’m sure if they’re this demanding regarding their children, other drama would spring up. Though it sucks for your Fiance and his mother, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.
Post # 9
Wow thats so rude. Unbelievavle. Its your choice to have children or not have children at your wedding. We’re having a formal wedding and children were not invited. For the out of towners with children, we will try to make arrangements to have a babysitter for them. But its really not that unusual for children to not be invited. Its understandable if they couldn’t come due to not being able to get a sitter for that long or something, but to “boycott” your wedding is just so juvenile.
Post # 10
@BearcatBetch: I agree- when you make a choice you have to live with the possible outcomes.
If they feel like they cannot attend due to not wanting to leave their kids that is their choice, the same as it was your choice to exclude kids from your wedding. I don’t think it is fair to be angry at them (disappointed sure) for having to make a choice.
Post # 11
I don’t think the boycot is cool. Those that have the kids choosing not to come because they don’t want to leave thier kids is one thing. But others doing it because you won’t have kids is just rude. Is that really how they want you guys to remember his family? Is that how they want to remember your wedding? We had a child free wedding (very very small).
Unfortunately, you can’t change how people act, you can only change how you react. Invite people who are going to have fun without kids and forget about those others.
Post # 13
i’m sorry that you feel this way. you wouldn’t want them there anyways with this “attitude”.
i just don’t understand why people feel this entitlement to bring their children to weddings when it is clear that it’s not going to be child-friendly.
when i was young, my older cousin was getting married and they drew the line at age 10 for kids. well, when the invite came, my brother (11) and sister (10) were on the invite. i was 9. i had to stay home. my parents weren’t boycotting the wedding for this decision. they respected the wishes of the bride and groom and i accepted that.
Post # 14
Well, you said you didn’t want children at your wedding. I guess you got your wish, because now the relatives who act like children won’t be there. These people are petty and selfish. Who needs ’em?
I am also having an adults-only reception. Otherwise, we’d be paying $85 a head for children to come and poke at their food. It’s not that we don’t like kids, either, but we are going for a particular “adult” vibe (especially since there will be drinking), and we’re keeping our wallets and the size of our space in mind. If there are people who can’t understand that and are so selfish to think they have a “right” to have their eighty bajillion kids come, then I wouldn’t want someone so petty there anyway. They clearly don’t have any desire to support you and be there for you on your special day and are more concerned with their own wants.
Post # 15
this is what my aunt told me when I started planning my wedding. “you’ll see who really cares about you by who shows up” just a little food for thought
Post # 16
@Katherine27: I think that is a little harsh rule to apply! Lots of people have to miss weddings for very valid reasons that does not mean they don’t care about you or support your marriage!