Post # 17
@anemonie: now the relatives who act like children won’t be there
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
This is so sad- I remember one of your prior posts on this, because we have some venue similarities- on the water, not child-friendly.
Those family members who are now deciding not to come to the wedding are causing more damage to their relationship with FI/FMIL, then they would with the family member with kids, if they attended. I can see the uncle (or whoever) not coming, but to try to turn other family members against you… that’s just awful. I have no advice- don’t think there’s anything you can do, but I’m sorry to hear this.
Post # 18
I think that “boycotting” a wedding because of the “no kids” thing is pretty stupid and petty.
At the end of the day, it’s your right not to invite children, as it is your guests’ right to decline the invitation based on the fact that their kids are not invited. But I wouldn’t put it in terms of “well these people don’t care about you!”–most people who have children make the decision not to go because they don’t feel comfortable leaving their children (this is especially true if they have to travel and aren’t familiar with the childcare services or babysitters), or because of the expense (especially if they would be coming home really late), or because their kids are too young.
And like I said, if they are declining in protest, then it’s their loss.
Post # 19
I do think since we aren’t really having kids I expect some people to turn down the invites. I think if it is parents it’s fine and I rather them turn down the invite rather then show up with their kids in tow. However if it’s other family members doing this in “protest” it’s frankly none of their business and rude and petty on their part.
Post # 20
While it’s horribly rude that any guest would take to such an extreme over a simple request to not have kids at a wedding, you should probably take into account that there is likely one or two people driving this and the rest are likely their immediate family members who have been forced to take a side. I’m sure that the folks that were excited about coming to your wedding were put into a horrible position by the family member who is driving this so-called “boycott” and they had to make a very hard choice. I’m sad for both you and your Fiance because this is just ridiculous. Everyone can talk about kids at the wedding versus not until they are blue in the face, but what matters is, it’s how you and Fiance envisioned your wedding day. You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting your wedding a certain way. I did the same – my wedding venue is not kid friendly and so I am asking that children not be there (we have no flower girl or ring bearer either). If that means some people won’t attend, well, that’s their choice. But taking it to this extreme is just idiotic. Good luck, OP!
Post # 21
Ok, wait. It’s people without kids, that are boycotting the no kid thing???
Well, now you have more room to invite friends. Lo
Post # 22
That is awful! It’s one thing to boycott a store or something, but your wedding?! Sheesh. Sorry that his family is acting so immaturely. Guests should understand that a line has to be drawn somewhere or things get out of control.
To look on the bright side, at least they let you know they aren’t coming and didn’t just show up with kids in tow. I’m so nervous this is going to happen to us. We are having inner envelopes on our invites spelling out the name of each person invited, and on the RSVP card saying __ of ___ attending. Still some people just don’t get the point and feel entitled to bring their children everywhere. I love kids too, but there’s a time and place for it.
Post # 23
Some people are so damn selfish. Your wedding day is not about them or their children, it’s about you and your soon to be husband. You’d think these “loved ones” would want to be there to witness their family member get married but unfortunately they’re being ridiculous. Their loss, really. Have an EXTRA great time at your wedding and let them know how magical your day was. Then take that money that you’re saving by not having to feed them and put it towards your Honeymoon or something equally as awesome.
Post # 24
I totally understand, while we are having kids at our wedding, but only direct cousins as my Fiance has a young cousin and her brothers and sister will be going as they are older, and would not want to leave her out, and want his aunt there, and nieces and Nephews who are in the wedding, we are asking our cousins not to bring their children, cause once one does then the rest will follow, and it just gets to be too much.
I love kids, but no one knows, unless they have been there how expensive it is. My FI cousins is not coming as the 3 of them have kids and no one to mind them. Well they all live in Belfast and the wedding is in Belfast, so why not. We are not letting it bother us.
The only exception we are making is people traveling great distances, and my family from Canada.
Good luck, but I look at it the important people will be there to celebrate your day
Post # 25
Eff them! If they are going to make YOUR wedding day about THEM, then you don’t need them there!!!
Post # 26
Is it really a boycott? Did they actually use that word? Or is it more like people with kids have decided not to come?
I think it is important to understand, that it is your choice to have a no kids wedding, but also the choice of your guests not to attend if they don’t like it.
Post # 27
Wow. How immature.
Without them there, your wedding truly will be Child Free.
Post # 28
I always think the best strategy with these people is to kill them with kindness. You politely invited them to your wedding (and not their children), and however childish their reasoning, they also politely declined. If some of your closer family members that you would like to attend are involved in this boycott, I really would just send them a friendly note letting them know they will be missed. And it also gets the point across that with or without them, the wedding is happening anyway. And definitely without children.
Good luck! and sorry some of your guests are being such downers.
Post # 29
Thank you everyone for your comments, they really do help when you’re feeling down about wedding problems. & to answer the popular question… Yes- they actually used the work boycott and then continued to give Future Mother-In-Law a mouth full for how rude I was being by not inviting the “entire” family.
I think in the moment, I was upset (and a lot more upset for FI). I knew people would not come because of their children not being able to attend and we accepted that. I have plenty of friends who are coming and have arranged childcare for their children and we offered to help, so we did as much as we could to help. But it is hurtful to have a family member, or soon to be family member, be so blantant about their reasoning for the matter.I’m definitely someone who wants to please everyone so trying to figure out a million ways it would be possible to make everyone happy- but it’s not going to work and ultimately it wouldn’t be the way I imagined my wedding. It is unfortunate but I will not let myself hold anything against them for this and will still be just as pleasant in the future.
And for my new challenge this month of trying to see the positive in everything… more money that we can save and use towards other things I guess.
Post # 30
OP: stay strong! I’m a teacher (elementary) too and I love children, but I didn’t want any at our wedding, either! I was shocked at how upset some people were, but I’m from the Midwest and many people are very into family events.
Post # 31
This is emotional blackmail. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over someone who would try to manipulate you like that.