Post # 1
Me and my partner are trying to plan a small(ish) wedding – about 80 people in total.
My issue is that I am living in Madrid but from England….so I have a lot of friends I haven’t seen for about 4 years but we chat quite regularly over WhatsApp/facebook….unsure whether to invite them….
There are also friends where they invited me to their weddings…but I am not sure if that means I should invite them to mine??
My SO is much harsher and cut throat than me…I worry about upsetting people. He has some friends he no longer speaks to so is quite happy to just cross them off the list.
One minute someone is on the list, then off, then on, then off…..I don’t want to upset people but I am also not super rich and can’t afford to have so many people there.
HELP ME!! Anyone been in this position??
Post # 2
Bee, it’s okay to keep a wedding small and only invite those to whom you’re closest. People understand that, particularly when they see that NO ONE else in your older friend-group has been invited. Also, it’s absolutely okay to not invite people who invited you to THEIR wedding. Sometimes people extend invitations far and wide–and some other people can’t or don’t want to do that. Both are okay, and both ARE understood by the majority of reasonable people.
Post # 3
My fiance and I are in the same boat! Our guest list is only 80. But here is the secret to keeping it small, only inviting imitiate familly and if there are any family friends or close friends, whatever you both prefer, if there is room then add them to the list. It is hard making room for a lot of people at a small wedding. But do what you and your SO feel is best, and if someone gets upset, explain that you both want it small but if things were diffeent, you wish they could be there!
Post # 4
I am a people pleaser and worry about how others will feel over my own feelings quite often – it sounds like you do the same! One way that helped me focus a guest list was if I would care if that person was or was not present that day. It sounds bad, but there are some people who I was once very close to that I now am not, and if I had an unlimited guest list sure they’d make the list, but they personally don’t take priority in my life anymore. However, there are also friends who I used to live close by to, but have since moved away from, and have maintained a close relationship, so I chose to invite some of those people based on the ones who I have still maintained a relationship with. It wasn’t so much “oh will they be upset if they don’t get invited?” It was more “I want to ensure this person has the opportunity to share in this special day with me”.
It also helps if you draw clear lines. So if you only invite people you have maintained relationships with, and not just some you have and some you haven’t, it might make it easier on your conscience (I know it did for me!).
Also, just because you were invited to somebody’s wedding doesn’t mean they get an automatic invite. If they are near and dear to you- sure go ahead! But there is not an automatic obligation.