(Closed) Wedding guest list woes

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
4100 posts
Honey bee

futurehuggie:  I also have an aunt (but ony mom’s side) who I’m not close with, and who has created lots of family drama alongside her daughters. I didn’t want to invite them to our wedding because to me, it was a waste of 4 invitations (she has 3 daughters) because I know they won’t even come, and I really don’t even want them to know what’s going on in my life. However, my mom asked that I still invite them just to “keep the peace.” As you mentioned in your post, she said it would put her in an awkward position if they heard about the wedding but were not invited. Out of respect for my mother, especially since she gave me $4K towards our wedding, I will be inviting them. 

To avoid awkwardness for your dad, if you can manage to stretch your budget to allow for the extra bodies, I would just invite them. You probably won’t even notice they are there, and will they all even come anyways?

Sorry you’re in such a crappy situation! Good luck 

Post # 3
1326 posts
Bumble bee

No likey, no invitey. 

Just my gut feeling. 

Post # 4
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

As you make your final decision you really need to take your wedding day out of the mix.  That is a few hours out of the rest of your life.  AFTER your wedding day, what will the ramifications be?  Will your grandparents be really upset with you and become distant?  Will they blame your dad for your decision?  What about years down the road when you have to bury a grandparent and you are all together?

I am NOT saying you should invite them.  I am saying you need to look at the long haul here and not just a few hours on one day.  We all try to make the best decisions we can but we all have to face any consequences that result from those decisions.

I have a family member I would not invite and I would never look back.  I understand feeling the way you do.  Like I said, you just need to look at the long haul and not the few hours your wedding and reception will last.

Good luck!

Post # 5
4036 posts
Honey bee

Don’t bother inviting them.

My 2nd daughter to marry and my son in law didn’t invite one uncle/aunt, from each side. MOG didn’t even supply the address, for the groom’s uncle. I don’t even know the address of my brother in law. The only communication between families is that most years he and his brother (my husband/FOB) exchange a happy birthday e-mail. That’s it.

Backtrack to when my 1st daughter married and neither she nor I added that uncle/aunt to the guest list. We didn’t want them invited. My husband whined for a month, possibly influenced by his mother, who can be very forceful/opinionated. We ended up inviting them. 2 of 250 invited guests didn’t even have the courtesy to RSVP. Guess who that was? They never so much as sent a congratulatory e-mail. Nothing!

There was no way in heck that I, my husband, or our 2nd daughter were going to add them to her guests list; they only invited half as many guests, anyway. My Mother-In-Law send two nasty e-mails to the bride, demanding that his family (nope – it was adult only) be invited, because weddings are a time for bringing families together. My husband had explained it to her repeatedly, that there was no way they were going to be invited, yet she thought she could strong-arm the bride. I think the incident damaged the relationship with her grandmother, and it wasn’t that close, to begin with.



Post # 6
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It completely depends on what those “things” were that happened over the past few years.

We didn’t invite DH’s aunt to our wedding. Darling Husband hadn’t been close to her to begin with, but more importantly, she had actively cut off contact after Darling Husband and his parents declined to attend her daughter’s inconveniently-located wedding (besides flying across the country, they would have had to rent a car and then take a ferry in their formal clothing to a remote island, where the black-tie wedding was being held in a forest).

There was some minimal pushback from DH’s uncle about inviting her in an attempt to repair the relationship. But when we pointed out that her last interaction with Darling Husband had been to unfriend him on Facebook and that she hadn’t been in contact since, he couldn’t really argue with that.

But if an aunt or uncle were somewhat involved in our lives (even if just recently) and we weren’t actively on bad terms, I would invite them.

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