(Closed) Wedding Guests

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@marzipanda:  You need to say to this guy something like, “No, sorry, because other people who see you there won’t know that you’ve paid. So the only way to do it is to keep it as family. This is the only way to be fair to everyone”.

For everyone else have a line something like, “Sorry, but it’s a small family wedding only”. Repeat as necessary,

By The Way I never had this problem. I think you’ll find most people aren’t so rude as to try to invite themselves to your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

If anyone was so bold (and rude) as to ask if they were invited to a wedding, I would tell them that unfortunately they weren’t invited.  If they were to then make me feel bad about that, I would reconsider my future involvement with that person.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I had some peope assume they were invited, asked the Bees for help and ended up telling said people “I’m sorry but we are keeping the wedding small”. Short and sweet. You do not need to explain to them why they aren’t invited either.

Post # 7
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Congratulations!!!

I was in the same situation with my British husband.  I felt so terrible for him that only his parents, brother and brother’s longtime gf could make the trip, and I really wanted to keep my side to the bare minimum out of sympathy for that, and to preserve a feeling of intimacy.  (We also had a tiny budget.) 

All I can say is – stick to your guns!  I didn’t and I regret it.  I truly don’t think there’s a way to let people down without it being awkward, but I ended up inviting 8 people (a not-small percentage for our 45 person event) out of obligation or pressure and I really wish I would have followed my gut and left them off the list.

I think the only thing to do is tell them the truth – it’s a tiny affair – and hope they mind their manners.  If you plan to set up a wedding web site, it might help to explain the size of the event there, and write a little something acknowledging that you wish you could invite everyone, but it’s just not possible.  That way they can see it in black and white and not think you’re just trying to shut them out.

Another idea is to set up a Google+ Hangout if you and your friends are tech-y.  That way they can still watch the wedding live without actually being there.  We planned to do it, but not well enough, and it fell though on the day.  🙁

Post # 8
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When you tell people that you’re keeping the guest list small due to financial reasons and they offer to pay it makes it hard to still have to say no. The best way to avoid hurting anyones feelings when they ask about being invited to the wedding is to tell them  “Our venue is very small and we’re only having ____ guests but we’d love to get together with you when we get back from our honeymoon”. 

What can they say to that? Are they going to offer to build an addition onto the venue? Probably not. If you give them this answer number one you’ve given them a valid reason why you can’t invite them and plus you’ve offered to spend time with them. When you answer a question with a “No” and end it with something positive it seems to soften the blow. You then don’t feel so bad. Try it next time someone wants an invite.

In a perfect wedding planning world people would just congratulate you when you tell them you’re getting married and not put you in a difficult position and make you feel bad for not inviting them. I will never understand why some people feel entitled and expect you to extend an invite. If they’re invited…. they’ll get a pretty invitation in the mail!!!

Post # 10
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@marzipanda:  He puts on his big boy pants and copes. It’s pretty normal to meet peoples’ partners sooner or later, so why not at your wedding? I’m sure they’ll just stay by their partners’ side, talk with family they know, and generally be fine.

It’s not unfair to your friends. That’s just how it goes in social life: if you invite someone you invite their partner.

Post # 11
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Re – Your Original Question…

Lol, Etiquette Snob here…

Truly, from an Etiquette POV, I think the easiest way to deal with this is just forego giving everyone details about your upcoming Wedding.

Certainly you can tell folks you are Engaged… the traditional way to do this once upon a time was to put an Engagement Announcement in the local papers… but fewer folks do that now.

Facebook and Social Media, is more in tune with how people tend to spred the news… by updating their “status”

Then if Questions are put to you, just say…

We haven’t worked out all the details yet… it will probably be a small Family Wedding tho.

More than likely, friends will congratulate you, and say something like “keep me informed etc”… Then you just smile and change the subject.

Truly very few people are ever going to think that you will be getting married with such a short lead up time (the average Engagement is 1 to 2 years).  So chances are you won’t be fielding Questions endlessly over the next 4 months.

When all is said and done… you can have Wedding Annoucements printed and mailed out to those you truly care about… friends & family.  Wedding Announcements look a bit like Invites… but say that you are NOW Married

Wedding Annoucements are a “traditional” way of telling folks you are married… and have in the past been used for Elopements, Small Weddings, Second Marriages, etc.

They will be the “etiquette correct” thing to do in your particular situation (lol, along with updating your Facebook status to Married)

Hope this helps,

 

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