(Closed) Wedding Guests adding guests… and offering to pay

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just say no.

Especially if the divorce isn’t finalized. That’s not okay, and honestly, it’s downright insensitive both to the ex (you think they won’t find out they’re bringing a date?!) and the fact that you’re getting married! My manager tried to bring her boyfriend to a coworkers wedding… coworker was like “Um, you’re married, btw. Don’t know if you remembered that, but you should probably bring your HUSBAND to the wedding. And not your boyfriend”.

Post # 4
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

hmmm i’d just let her know that you have a guest policy for the wedidng and you aren’t allowed to add another person.  but is it the type of Destination Wedding wedding at a hotel?  i think your guest that requested to bring the extra guest may feel uncomfortable because this is the first event they will be invited to after the divorce and that has to be hard.  would their guest be allowed to come to the Destination, and just be unable to come to the wedding?

Post # 7
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

wow, i’m amazed at how persistent (i’m wording it nicely here..) she is..

just be firm. she is not being considerate, you don’t have to be either. i am not telling you to yell at her, but just be very firm, or else, if you break your policy for her, you’ll have many more headaches to come from other guests.

Post # 8
Member
25 posts
Newbee

That was incredibly rude of her to just pencil in a guest without discussing it with you first.  “Let me know how much per head” is inconceivably rude.

That being said, rude behavior, while annoying, is not really worth having a falling out over.  Just call her up, thank her for her offer to pay, but explain that it is not simply a money issue, your venue has number restrictions, and you are stretching the capacity as it is.  If necessary (though, really, less is always more), make a little joke about a shared family member who you know will start inviting a thousand more people if she finds out you made this single exception.  If she continues to press the issue, just hold firm.  Remain pleasant, but hold firm.

As for your family finding out about her divorce at your wedding – well, there’s really no fixing that, and no villains in that scenario.  It’s completely understandable that she would not want to make that phone call to start spreading the word, nor should she have to do so just because you are getting married, any more than you have to expand your guest list just because she is getting back in the dating game.  If she simply wants her situation to become clear at a family gathering, it’s understandable.  It’s just the way it goes that your wedding is the first big family gathering.

Post # 9
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

if it’s a private home definitely let them know it’s not a matter of paying the additional per head fee, that it’s a private residence and there is simply no space, but you’ll definitely understand if she’s unable to make it and perhaps you can get together for dinner or something like that when you return.

Post # 11
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

this is my single piece of wedding planning advice i give to all my friends: if you want to say no, just say no.

reinerate to this person that the “no guest” policy and it’s not about the money but that there is a definite space capacity that you’re already hitting. there simply isn’t room for extra guests. they might persist but if you hold your ground you’ll feel a lot better.

Post # 12
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would totally say no. Your other single guests will be upset that they didnt get to bring dates if you start making exceptions. Like you said, it will make you look like an ass for taking that stance in the first place.

You already told her no once, just do it again.

Post # 14
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I agree with all of the others. It’s rude & you should stick to your guns. Also, stress the fact that it is YOUR day & that you and Fiance want to keep it intimate and you do not want anyone you don’t know @ the wedding. Good luck & keep us posted.

Post # 15
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ok I’m going to be honest here.  What person in their right mind would actually have the gall to do that?  I mean, hello.  Could you get any ruder? 

Stick to your guns and say that unfortunately, your venue has a maximum and your guest list is set.  It would be lovely for the four of you to get together so that you can meet +guest, but you will not be able to accomodate them at the wedding.

It amazes me what some people do. 

 

 

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