Post # 1
Fiance’ and I were talking this weekend trying to figure out how many guests we can have and the question was do we want more family or friends. We both think we would rather have more friends, as those are the people we will most likely see and spend time with over the next 10, 20, 30 years as our families grow with children.
How did everyone else deal with setting a limit as to the number of people at your wedding. Also, how do you tell your parents that they can only invite a certain number of their friends.
Post # 2
We only invited immediate family (parents and siblings with their respective partners) and friends. No extended family and our parents didn’t have the option to invite any friends.
It definitely ruffled some feathers, but I’m not close with my extended family and we wanted the wedding to be with our nearest and dearest.
Post # 3
We had a rule where we both had to have met them for them to come to the wedding (we had just under 200 people), it cut out some close people but we had been together for 5 years so we figured it was a good test. I think that you could take this one step further to do we spend a lot of time with these people/ are they involved in our life? If it’s the choice between a distant cousin or a friend and you apply this test, you’ll get the right person on the list, promise
Post # 4
You know your particular situation better than anyone, but for me I would lean toward family. A lot of friends have come and gone over the years but family has been constant. Obviously the 2nd cousin you hardly ever see doesn’t need to be invited.
Post # 5
We didn’t get married during covid times but we did have a super intimate wedding followed by a 20 people reception, we invited our immediate family whom we see regularly (7 people) and the rest were our long time best friends that we also see on a regular basis —
you might also consider live streaming your wedding for the people you cannot invite, I have seen a lot of virtual weddings going on these days!
Post # 6
If you’re trying to limit your numbers to begin with, then parents should not have the option to bring their friends whom you may not even know. Frankly, if your parents are more concerned and get fussy about bringing THEIR friends over YOUR friends, then your parents are pretty selfish people.
Post # 7
We prioritized friends over family, as we believe in chosen family (ie, friends) over family by genetic lottery.
There were a few hurt feelings, but (1) we paid for the wedding ourselves and (2) we difused a few “But what about so-and-so?” with “Could they identity my photo out of a lineup? Have they seen me in the past 5 or 10 years? Do they know what state I live in?”
Post # 8
Stick with inviting the friends you see all the time and are actively involved in your life over extended family you barely see and who probably at this point in your life barely knows where you work. I think people would be less hurt/more understanding if you are a cousin and not invited to a wedding of a cousin you barely see in order to invite good friends you see regularly vs a good friend that you see and interact with all the time not invited in favor of a rando cousin you barely see. Or at least that’s how I would feel
Post # 9
We are paying for our own wedding, so our parents didn’t have the option to invite their own friends. They accepted that it is our wedding not theirs. In saying that, we invited two pairs of family friends who are my parents friends but who I am close to and therefore had a reason to invite.
We only have 50, made up of immediate family (I.e parents and siblings), family friends and the rest friends. I don’t see any point inviting family I haven’t seen in years or months just because they are family, especially if I have close friends I rather invite.
Now I guess we had it easy, neither my fiance or I live in our country of birth so our extended family are all international which made it easy to not invite them without too many hurt feelings. So this really depends on your family and situation.
Post # 10
OP said she hardly sees this family where as she sees and interacts with these friends a lot more. Why should cousins get the nod if you barely see them vs friends who probably know a lot more about you, you see all the time and are actively there for you and probably has shown more support to their relationship than some random extended family member they maybe see on xmas and have a five second conversation of pleasantries.
Post # 11
We invited family over friends for the most part but for us there was a lot of family that we felt were the people we would really continue to see.
Post # 12
I can’t understand why you wasted time writing this pointless message to me. At the end of her post, the OP asked “How did you deal with..” so I told her how I dealt with it and said she obviously knows her own situation better than anyone. So a different choice might be right for her. When did I ever say cousins have to get the nod?