Post # 1
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
I am getting married in 3 weeks and have been planning for several months. I should be happy! My family are travelling far and wide to be at our wedding including my brother and his family from japan who haven’t been home in seven years! This is amazing but stil I feel sick all the time and dwelling on decisions I have made! My main guilt lies with the guest list! Right up to this point I haven’t thought about it much and have been fine about it! I have school friends that live locally 2 are my bridesmaids as I consider them to be great friends from the past and still consider them to be great friends ( I was bridesmaid for one of them). However one girl in our group of friends from school who has always been friendlier with the others more than me I haven’t invited. I probably see her 3 times a year max and it would always just be when we all catch up as a group. The main reason we haven’t invited her is that she didn’t invite us to hers, my fiancé felt quite strongly that obviously she doesn’t consier us close friend so nor should we feel like we have to invite her. I went along with this and felt fine until now! I feel horrible like I’m spiteful and have done it to punish her and make her feel left out! This is not me I don’t do that to people I am thoughtful and considerate of people’s feelings! I wish I had just invited her! I also feel horrible to my two bridesmaids as they probably feel awkward because they are quite friendly with her! I feel like this has tainted my day and ruined the happy time this should be? I would appreciate any ones thoughts of advice on this! As it is taking over my life it is all I think about Until I feel physically sick!
Help!
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I felt similarly AFTER our wedding about a few friends of ours from where we live. One of them even mentioned that he was upset he hadn’t been invited (he said this to another friend). But you know what? We didn’t invite them becuase we NEVER see them, and we don’t go out of our way for them EVER, and our guest list was creeping up anyway. You made the choice not to invite this girl you like never see…so there you go. That’s done with.
Now worry about other things, like…if you get all the champagne glasses you’ve registered for, where will you put them??
Post # 4
Member
9833 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Stop sweating- really. It’s fine she didn’t invite you and it’s fine you didn’t invite her. That doesn’t mean anyone is spiteful or means ill will- it just means you talk to each other in group settings 3 times a year: that does not get an invite . It’s no big deal- it’s just part of life!
Post # 5
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Hi @Gilam746: I see this is your DEBUT Post… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
I am a bit of an “Etiquette Snob… lol” here on WBee… in so much as I know the Rules for both Traditional & Modern Etiquette
In reality, there is NO RULE that says you have to recriprocate… you can or not, depending on your circumstances (financial, space etc)
To hold a grudge (like your Hubby) or to have guilt tho is not a good thing.
I’d take the higher road… and Invite her
Technically… as per Etiquette you can issue an Invite up to 3 Weeks before the Date of the Wedding… so if you want to, you truly could.
Can be done with a Formal Invite, or by personal note… then it is ALL UP TO HER what she chooses to do with the “Olive Branch”
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
@This Time Round: thanks for your advice! I guess it is not really a grudge just more when we were doing our list it was getting a bit out a control space wise!
To me it seems worse to invite at this point? What would I say, sorry initially you weren’t invited but now I want you there?
Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
To @Gilam746: You don’t say anything… you don’t apologize (or have to)… as that would be awkward.
You just send an Invitation… a printed one if you have one left over. If not a note just saying you’d like her there with the details as to the event.
Let her do with it what she wants… she can see it as an “Olive Branch” or an After-thought that is up to her.
Whatever she does is going to be on her, not you.
You’ll have taken the high road.
Chances are tho after all is said & done, and how she responds, will clearly tell you where your relationship with her stands.
Hope this helps,
PS… In truth, as people move thru the major milestones in life, we tend to have those we thought were friends drift away. It is rare for example to be my age (in my 50s) and have Friendships that go back in time to HS, College etc. People make choices, friendships take work. Such is life.
Post # 8
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@Gilam746:
Now that you’re so close to the wedding date, and some of your guests likely have declined, do you have room to add her? If so, I would call her and let her know that you originally had wanted to include her, but, due to space limitations, you were not able to do so. However, now that you know that some of your family members aren’t able to attend, you would be honored if she were able to share your day with you. Apologize for the short notice, and then see what she says. There’s a good chance she will be very happy that you went out of your way to include her. I don’t think you have anything to lose by extending the invitation at this point.
Post # 9
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
Honestly, this girl probably couldn’t care less and is probably sleeping better than you tonight. She didn’t care to share her day with you, because you’re not that close, not because she hates you. You chose not to include her for the same reason. It’s really not that big of a deal.
Post # 10
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
@LuluInLove: that’s right!
OP Do you think she felt like this when she didn’t invite you to her wedding? so don’t worry about it for another second! Your partner didn’t want to invite her, just let sleeping dogs lie 🙂 seriously it’s all good! Now, just enjoy your wedding coming up. PS Mine is 8 days after yours!
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