Wedding hate

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’ve noticed, not so much on here but on other sites,  that there is a lot of hate for any wedding that costs more than $10.  Frugality is applauded and it’s assumed that if you had a “lavish” wedding then you went into debt to do so and the money could have been better spent on literally anything else.  Just ignore them.  It blows people’s minds that some people can afford a wedding  they see as expensive and still have money to spare, as they probably couldn’t afford it, hence the comments.   A lot of people view paying for a wedding as an either/or situation.   You can either pay for a wedding or buy a house, or, pay for a wedding or (insert financial goal here)  They don’t understand that it’s possible for a lot of people to do both.  

Post # 17
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

Shut down the comments. Anyone trying to “let you know” what others have said about your wedding is just as bad or worse than the people who allegedly said them. Why anyone would think telling you these comments was a good idea is beyond me. It’s rude and cruel to be telling you what people are saying. Plus it’s all hearsay and might not even be accurate. 

Someone tries to tell you negative comments? 

You: I’m not interested in hearing anyone’s negative thoughts on my wedding. Please keep what you have heard to yourself. Thanks. 

Post # 18
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I really can’t imagine anyone making these comments in the negative sense. Oh It wAs ToOoO NiCe… ToOOoo LaViSh… the bride was tOoOO bEaUtIfUL and ToOoOo iN lOvE… like what?

Post # 19
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

I agree the negative comments are rude. I can kinda imagine some comments like that in my previous circle where people were very quick to label things as gaudy or tacky, and would definitely also judge people for being overly superficial and/or cheesy.  Some people are judgmental like that. Basically I think this is a good indication that you should rethink your friends or acquaintances because either they are jealous which is sad, or they have different ideas/values/priorities than you, and therefore it’s not likely to be the basis for true friendships. Oh and the people who told you about these comments – also not your friends! It takes two people to hurt you: someone to be mean behind your back, and a “friend” to come and tell you about it.

Post # 20
Member
6865 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

somathemagical :  I can. I can’t tell you how many times at weddings, as the photographer, I hear guests make snide comments about allllll kinds of things pertaining to the wedding. People’s rudeness really has no limits these days. We live in a world now where people have no manners and feel like they can just say whatever they want. I’ve been doing my job for a long time and shift I’ve seen at weddings over the past 10 years is just really really sad. I had a church wedding a couple of years ago where the officiant announced that everyone needed to turn off cell phones and put away cameras. This wasn’t unplugged by the bride’s request but a church rule. Even *I* was limited in what I could photograph – which is common for me in churches. No lie, a guest sitting in front of where I was standing leans to hear friend IN THE CHURCH and says “Hell no, it’s a free country I’ll do whatever I damn well please”. She then proceeded to use her That’s obviously an extreme case but I see variations of this all the time. Just because my couple 

OP – you just need to rid these people from your life. People who made snide and rude comments usually do so out of jealousy or insecurity. You don’t need those kinds of people. What’s most insane is that the comments have managed to trickle down to you. 

Post # 21
Member
1216 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

The best part about shitty friends or people in general is that you can stop talking to them.

Post # 22
Member
686 posts
Busy bee

Yeah, this is not a thing. This is a case of “you need to reevaluate your friendships”. Like, yeah people shit on weddings but not usually things like being TOO well hosted. 

Honestly, your wedding sounds fabulous – I would love to see this super extra dress!

Post # 23
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

What rude and negative people. I would just try to focus on what their comments really say about you and your wedding – you had an amazing wedding, you looked beautiful, and it was clear you were madly in love with your husband. All positive things, right? Your wedding was so perfect that they couldn’t even find anything ACTUALLY bad to comment about! They had to put GOOD things in a negative light!

These people are obviously just looking for something to complain about, either because they’re jealous or just generally negative people or both. So focus on the positives and disregard their negativity (which is THEIR problem, not yours).

Post # 24
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Translations:

“Why would you waste that much money?” : Her wedding looked like it cost a lot and I’m jealous.

“Her wedding was so EXTRA” : Her wedding was a big amazing event and I’m jealous.

“She is obssesed with her husband” : They look so in love and I’m jealous.

“I’ve never seen a bride care so much about how she looks” : She looked beautiful and I’m jealous.

Drop the friend(s), take these comments as compliments, and enjoy your newlywed life!

Post # 25
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

It’s bizarre to me that people would even feed these comments back to you. What do they mean by you being obssessed with your husband? Unless you were clinging onto him and not letting talk to anyone then that’s a strange comment to make.

 

Post # 26
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains

I’m sorry you’re dealing with these people. I’ve really evaluated my friendships and when I got engaged I knew some girls would be upset. Most of my friends are unmarried and very single, some very much want children and as we all approach 40 there’s not a lot of time left. I only invited my true friends to the wedding. I have no time for petty bs like this.

The people making these comments are not your friends. They are likely jealous. True friends would be happy for you regardless of the decisions you made to celebrate your big day. Don’t invite these people to any future events. They clearly need something to gossip about and lately its been you- don’t give them anything else to use.

Post # 27
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

With friends like that who needs enemies?

Post # 28
Member
2241 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

throwawaybride :  I’m with the PPs who pointed out WHY WOULD ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU RELAY THESE NASTY COMMENTS BACK TO YOU??

As bad as the backbiting – which admittedly DOES sound like jealousy – is the impluse to be that kid who jumps up and down and says UM UM UM UM GUESS WHAAAAT!?!?!

Fucking childish and pointless. 

Just makes me wish we put more emphasis on the THINK method of communication

T – Is the True

H – Is it Helpful

I – Is it Inspiring

K – Is it Kind

None of these comments are ANY of those things. They are spiteful and petty. 

Ultimately, as long as YOU had a beautiful day and a happy marriage, you are winning. Anyone who wants to diminish that for you isn’t someone who deserves a place in your life. 

They did you a favor showing you their true colors. Now you can stop wasting another thought or moment of time on them ever again.

Congratulations on your wedding. 🙂

Post # 29
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I don’t get why people here say it rude or mean or they aren’t friends. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. If someone thinks your wedding was whatever they have a right to talk about it among themselves. There are no rules saying you can’t ever utter a negative word about someone’s wedding. 

I have talked through every wedding I been to without the bride beeing present. I’ve said some “mean” things, too. As have others. I’ve mentioned I what I loved about a wedding as well. So have all others participating in that conversation. It’s like talking about a movie you have seen together. The good and the bad. And yes, there are people out there who just might have found your wedding stupid. So what. They didn’t tell that to your face. And why should they?The were talking amongst themselves and you were never menant to know it. Because that’s life. People will always talking behind your back. And again there will be the good and the bad. You can’t tell me that you haven’t been to weddings and haven’t discussed them afterwards without the bride maybe mentioning that the wine was bad or the bride had nervous red blotches on her face or whatnot. You might even have been to a wedding you hated. How many bees have whole threads about others horrible weddings here where they have been starved, bored or whatnot?! 

The mean person is the one who actually went on to tell you about this. Now that’s a whole other story. That is in fact rude and hurtful and there’s no reason to do so whatsoever. That’s the person (or more) who are actually jealous or want to hurt you. 

Post # 30
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Ugh I dealt with this too. My parents are pretty well off and paid for me to have a pretty nice wedding, nothing over the top, but much nicer than is standard for our families. Most of my extended family boycotted it saying they didn’t need to see our lavish display of wealth (it was under $30K and a ton of stuff was done in a budget way… it just didn’t look like it) and my husband’s family made so many jokes about who he was marrying and what my expectations for life clearly would be. It was ridiculous. I’d known these people for 5 years and they had no idea by the way I acted that I came from wealth and yet now all of a sudden I’m someone else? It’s dumb. We’ve actually hidden that we just bought a house because it’s quite nice for a young couple in our area and I’m sure it’ll start the comments up alllll over again! Sorry this turned into my own mini rant… I just feel your pain. 

It blows over, I’m sure your wedding was beautiful! Just enjoy it and keep information private from these people or cut them out in the future.

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