Post # 1
After 4 years of dating, we finally got engaged and have been planning our wedding since October. We currently live separately (technically). I stay with my dad half of the week and I stay at his apartment the other half. Here’s the thing… He shares a LARGE apartment with 4 other people. All of my friends and family have been asking where we are going to live after the wedding. I kinda just laughed it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but I’m realizing that I REALLY DON’T KNOW! We can’t live separately and we can’t continue to live with 4 other people. I really want to buy a house, because we can afford the monthly payments and we have been pre-approved for a mortgage, but we don’t have the upfront costs. Every dime has been put into this wedding and I think I’m feeling a little guilty about spending so much and a bit remorseful-like I should have had a smaller wedding so that I could buy the house. Now, since I haven’t planned the honeymoon yet, I’m wondering if I should skip the honeymoon to have that money for some of the upfront costs. This is definitely my biggest stress so far.
Are any of you in a similar situation? any thoughts?
Post # 3
To be perfectly honest… the “expectatoin” (pressure ?) for couples to buy a house right from the get go is a fairly recent phenomena.
Not so long ago EVERY COUPLE pretty much rented for a period of time in the beginning and saved up*. So there is nothing wrong with doing this yourselves.
* The exception to the rule was those couples lucky enough to have Parents who gave them a downpayment as a Wedding Present… and those folks were few and far between !!
So I wouldn’t stress out too much about not having a house right now. It looks like you guys can afford to support yourselves (especially if you’ve been pre-approved for a mortgage) so it is just a case of saving up for the Downpayment / Closing Costs etc.
Personally, I’d say enjoy THIS TIME in your life. Nothing wrong with having a nice Wedding and enjoyable / memorable Honeymoon. These are memories that will last a lifetime.
Guessing that if you guys can save for a Wedding & Honeymoon… you won’t have too much trouble working together to save up for the balance you need for a house
And in the meantime you can do some research. Find out all you can about the housing market in your area, where you want to live, what things go for… what you can realistically expect for Closing Costs, Taxes, Insurance etc. Go into the process well prepared with your eyes wide open… and therefore a lot more prepared than many couples who don’t spend much time at the front end other than thinking “Gee we gotta buy a house”… a House is a MAJOR purchase (biggest single one you’ll ever make) so it makes sense to give it a lot of thought / preparation.
AND whether you guys are truly cut out for home ownership… it isn’t automatically a good fit for everyone. Despite what you may have been lead to believe.
Hope this helps,
PS… Lol, I’ll be looking for your upcoming post on the HONEYMOON BOARD…
*COOL vacation face*
Post # 4
There’s nothing wrong with being married and renting with roommates. Lots of people do it!
Post # 5
@This Time Round: Thank you. That was kind of refreshing. I just worry that if I’m renting an apartment then I won’t be able to save. Granted, if I just hang tough and stay at my fiance’s current apartment, the rent is very low and we could save as we have been. I guess in the grand scheme, waiting and saving for another year wouldn’t be the end of the world, and it would probably make the purchase easier.
Post # 6
@likewoah: You’re right. I’m starting to realize that I was more worried about what other people think, and I really don’t mind that much… for a while :-p
Post # 7
@HVbride: I’d rent. Perhaps in some places its customary to buy a house the second you get married, but really, you don’t have to. I would absolutely not purchase a home unless you have a decent % down. You just never know. The recession taught us all that and you don’t want to end up underwater if something similar were to occur again.
Take the pressure off of yourselves. Pay for your wedding. Stay out of debt. Rent. Save money for a downpayment. Take your time and be smart about it.
Post # 8
@HVbride: I’d definitely rent to where you have enough left over at the end of the month to put towards house savings. Perhaps that means sharing a large apartment with others. Perhaps it means living outside of your town or in a studio. I oddly adored my studio apartment.
Post # 9
Not taking/postponing the honeymoon is totally fine, if that’s what you want to do. If you don’t, though, living with roommates is fine, as long as they’re fine with it! Or rent a tiny place for the two of you until you can save up the money. It’s your life and your finances… make the decision that works best for the two of you personally :o)
Post # 10
@HVbride: Fiance and I have been living together on our own for 4 years now, but in a tiny itty bitty one bedroom apartment. We’ve decided to skip the honeymoon completely (we’ve been together for about 8 years, and have gone on vacations together in the past so we’re not terribly upset over missing a honeymoon) in order to save for a real home..
I guess we could continue renting our tiny one-bedroom apartment, but… I’d rather not! A house to call our own is far more important to us than a vacation.
Post # 11
I guess I’m totally on the other end of the spectrum because I don’t think that married couples should live with roommates and I think it’s silly to spend a bunch of money on a party and a vacation when you could be spending the money to establish stability and a foundation for your home life. You don’t even need to buy a house, but at least get your own apartment and save for your own place in the future.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
In your case, I’d probably rent a house for a few years to save the upfront costs for purchasings. Renting homes in most regions is often cheaper than renting an apartment right now. Plus, you could try out a neighborhood you think you might like without committing to it.
Post # 13
@HVbride: I would rent for a year after the wedding, just the two of you. You haven’t really lived together yet, shared bills, managed finances; you might want to get that dialed in before adding such a huge thing as a house your newlywedded plate.
Enjoy the married life with very little responsibilities (no mowing grass, fixing faucets, etc), and save up while you’re at it!
Post # 14
My fiance and I would love to buy a house right when we get married! However, we are paying for most of the wedding ourselves so all the money we save in the next 17 months or so will go directly to the wedding. So we will be renting the first year (maybe two) of our marriage. I am an accountant so I am always thinking of money, numbers, and saving. I want to make sure we have a large down payment when we purchase a house. So the longer we wait the bigger the deposit will be 🙂
Don’t feel bad about renting! It may be a bit hard to truely start your married life together with roommates. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Think of your financial situation and do what you are most comfortable with. If you want to save the most money, then perhaps staying at his current place is the best choice, financially.
However, if you want to have some alone time to be newlyweds then I highly suggest renting a place just the two of you! Living together (just the two of you) is a magical thing! Also, there are so many things that you learn about your SO when you live together (just the two of you). It is nothing like having a roommate, so you really can’t compare it to that!
We currently live together and are not married yet, but I am excited to see how marriage enhances things :).
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza
@HVbride: We are in a somewhat similar situation right now. We are from Upstate NY, but moved to Michigan about 2 years ago for FI’s job. The plan was to relocate within his job back fo NY after 4 years (basically their rule – put 4 years in and then you can go wherever you want). We had a nice apartment in MI and were happy coming back to that after the honeymoon. No plans to get a house until we were back in NY.
However, Fiance was unexpectadly given the option to relocate NOW. So we have been back in NY for about 3 weeks. However, we have no desire to rent again – we want a house. Currently we are living with my FI’s parents (kind of weird) and house hunting and wedding planning. We hope to have a place before the wedding (this September) so that we aren’t living with his parent after we’re married.
We also don’t want to rush into anything and be stuck with a house that we don’t want just because we were in a hurry to move out from their place. We’ve decided that while ultimately we want our own place before the wedding, we aren’t going to rush anything and make mistakes in order to make that possible.
Post # 16
@Ellegee: +1 these are my beliefs as well.
I would say discuss this openly with your Fiance and pick the solution best for you! Postponing a honeymoon or doing a mini moon is a good idea.