(Closed) Wedding in 10 days, and a GM can't afford to come

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should we do?
    Give/loan the GM as much as he needs to come to the wedding : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Give/loan the GM a set amount (like $200) : (8 votes)
    14 %
    Give/loan the GM enough to cover his trip, but not his girlfriend's : (33 votes)
    57 %
    Give up on the GM, replace him with the other friend, and re-print the programs : (14 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You def don’t have to and shouldn’t pay for his significant other to come.  I’m even a little on the fence about whether you should pay for him to come if you cannot afford it.  If you have the money, then loan him the money but if you don’t have it then just ask someone else to step up, or just have one less Groomsmen and don’t worry about the programs. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    He doesn’t have his flight booked ten days before? I would tell him that we understand if he can’t make it, and I wouldn’t pay for him to come- with someone this irresponsible, it would be a gift, not a loan- I seriously doubt you’d see one dollar paid back. If it’s that important to Fiance, you can pay for his flight only, and help make arrangements for him to stay with someone. You are not responsible for his GF’s expenses.

    I wouldn’t ask someone else to step up, nor would I reprint the programs- they aren’t worth the cost to have them “perfect.”

    Post # 5
    Member
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    You do NOT need to pay for his gf, if she can’t afford it, she is not a necessary part of your wedding. Your Groomsmen is, he obviously is an important part of your FI’s life if he asked him to stand up with him and you should try to make it happen if you are able to help. It IS rude of him to have waited so long to confirm that he needs monetary help to come, but ultimately if your Fiance wants him there and is willing to pay to get him there, then you should respect that. But the gf…no way in hell would I ever pay for her ticket, lol.

     

    Edit: Also, this guy just sounds like an irresponsible and bad friend and it may be time for Fiance to let him go and move on…HOWEVER that is NOT up to you and you really can’t say that to him or else he’ll resent you for it…but sounds like a toxic friendship to me

    Post # 6
    Member
    1866 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @rebwana:  Agreed.  And good point about the fact that OP will probably never see the money if they give a “loan” to the Groomsmen. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If he’s waiting until the last minute to buy plane tickets and booking a hotel, he’s costing YOU way more than he needs to.  I guess it depends on your (your fiance’s) relationship with this guy – is it important to you that he be there?

    Sounds like the guy wasn’t planning on coming or was hoping someone else would pay his way to me.  He could have gone solo, borrowed money from someone else when tickets were cheaper, etc.  Waiting until now and then crying “wah I need money!” is juvenile, in my opinion. 

    If you do decide to help him out, DON’T just give him money, book the plane ticket and hotel for him (or find him a couch to crash on with your family/friends).  He can cover anything else since he’d have to feed himself if he were at home.  Especially if he’s staying with someone else he’ll have a ride everywhere and won’t need a car or anything. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1274 posts
    Bumble bee

    That is really frustrating! Not sure how far away he is coming from but if you guys can afford to help him out a bit and it’s important to your Fiance, then I would do it. 

    BUT I would possibly ask around for a friend or family member if this groomsmen can stay at their place and just pay for his flight or travel there and back. Maybe it would end up being a bit cheaper for you that way. I wouldn’t pay for his girlfriend though. If they live together that kinda sucks but I am sure they knew about your wedding pretty far in advance right?

    Post # 9
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    If you aren’t comfortable giving him that much why not actually give him the ticket and buy the hotel outright? Instead of giving him cash you’d be paying the actual amount and you’d have reciepts and stuff.

    I’d be uncomfortable giving my wedding party that much money, but I’m paying for two of their hotel rooms and I just bought them from the hotel block in their names.

    Also, you don’t have to pay for his girlfriend. I’m sure he had plenty of time to save up so I’d be pissed too if I were you.

    If your Fiance really really wants him there, which I’m sure he does, I’d say tell him you really want him to be there and you’re going to purchase a flight and hotel room for him. Let him know that you simply can’t afford his girlfriend too so if she wants to come she’ll have to pay her own way.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2335 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    None of the poll options.  Give up on the Groomsmen and keep the same programs- less stress all around.  This happened at the last wedding I went to, no one freaked out that there was 1 less Groomsmen than what the program said.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I’d offer to buy him a plane ticket assuming it is around $200 or something – but since you’ve missed the 14-day advance fares and your wedding is on a holiday weekend that ship may have already sailed.  If there is a bus or train option I’d probably offer to pay for that, but I wouldn’t expect to see that money again even if he says he will.  I would not give him cash or a check to do with as he pleases, nor would I pay for his girlfriend’s travel, and I’d let him find accomodations on someone’s couch. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Ugh, tough one. Loaning money to friends is never a good idea unless you’re comfortable up front knowing that it’s actually a gift and that calling it a “loan” is a pretense which allows the recipient to save face. I’d feel more charitable if he had taken more care to plan in advance, but it sounds like he’s treated the situation in a very casual fashion.

    If he accepts your money, he should have the tact and good sense not to bring his girlfriend. It would be nice for him to be able to bring his girlfriend if he could afford it, but he can’t, simple as that.

    If you tell him that $500 is more than you can afford and he doesn’t come, I agree with others that you shouldn’t try to find a replacement (personally I wouldn’t be keen on being asked to serve as a last-minute replacement attendant) and you shouldn’t bother reprinting the programs. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    13249 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    $500 for airfare and hotel sounds reasonable to me, but I don’t think it should fall on you to pay it, especially this late in the game.  How does your Fiance feel about it?  How important is it for this Groomsmen to be there?  Once you determine that, you can figure out what, if anything, you should loan him.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6512 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Ugh!  That is SO frustrating!  I know the feeling – one of our groomsman is recently unemployed, so my fiance paid for his suit, shoes, tie, and cufflinks, and even after all that, the Groomsmen STILL had the gall to sigh heavily and say “Money, money, money” when I told him the train ticket to our wedding would be $14!!!!! Yell

    You are a wonderful person for paying for the Groomsmen (which I would do, even though I’d be unhappy about it too), but I would NOT pay for his Girlfriend.  Sorry, but if he can’t get his shit together for a wedding he’s known about forever, he doesn’t get to bring her. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Maybe I’m being a Meanie McMeanie, but I think you should just let him stay home. He had plenty of time to budget and plenty of time to come to you far earlier to let you know how tight finances were.

    That way if you wanted to gift him the money (forget about a loan), it would have cost far less. And I would have never factored in the Girlfriend.

    At this point, it just depends on how much your Fiance needs/wants him there. If it’t important you will be footing the entire bill (though I still vote to leave the Girlfriend at home-why doesn’t SHE pay for him?)

    But my vote is to not enable him and leave him out. He shouldn’t be visiting his problems on you.

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