Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married in October 2013. According to my mom and matron of honor, my sister, I was told to make a list of things that we wanted at the wedding.
My Mom lives far away (in WV), and we live in TN. She came down last weekend to look at my favorite reception venue, and before we already got there she had written it off. Come to find out later, that she and my matron of honor (my sister) have already decided on the venue and my food without discussing it with me. My fiance was furious and made sure it was known. In attempts to keep everyone happy, I decided to do a destination wedding. My fiance and I have argued all week because he knows that’s not what I really want.
Am I being a bridezilla if I call my mom & sister and tell them what I want in the wedding or I will pay for it myself/do a destination wedding?
Post # 3
It’s your wedding so I’d say to do what you want.
Post # 4
@MrsRoach13: It’s your darn wedding. Your mom and sister are way out of line. If they’re paying, their wishes need to be considered and even perhaps included as a compromise. But they idea that they would choose those things without any input from you and your fiance is ridiculous. They need to know whose wedding it is, and if they can’t get that, then yes, you need to turn down the funding so you can make your own choices about the wedding that you want.
Post # 5
It’s your wedding. I assume your mom has already had her wedding, and your sister has had or will have her own… This one is YOURS. You only get to have one (hopefully), so do as you please.
Post # 6
Thank you!!! Both of them have had weddings/day. My mom is paying, and she knows I’ll compromise, but to a certain extent.
Thank you all!!!
Post # 7
They may be pushing you because they think you’ll just stay quiet and let them get what they want. There’s nothing wrong with standing up to them and saying that you will be making the decisions on your wedding.
Post # 8
yes, you need to discuss it with them :-/ luckily you have plenty of time to finalize any plans – I wouldn’t plan a Destination Wedding if that’s not what you want, nor would I just smile and nod and do whatever your mom and sister decided, regardless of who’s paying… Sounds like you need to have a not-so-fun convo with them (not sure if it would be better for your Fiance to be there or not…) and place some boundaries. I’m reading the book A Practical Wedding, and one of the things the author points out is how a lot of the family conflicts around weddings are due to you forming your new baby family vs separating slightly from both your birth families. You need to be aware of the tensions, but also set boundaries that will set precendent for the rest of your marriage
Post # 9
I agree that you need to discuss with them, probably just with Mom at first. If she is going to take total control because she is paying, you need to know that sooner rather than later, and see if that’s ok with you. If it’s not, you might consider paying for it all yourself and scaling it to what you can afford. It would be terrible if you had regrets after it’s all done.