(Closed) Wedding in 3 months and one BM STILL doesn’t have her dress

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
23620 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Gosh, that’s a tough one….sounds like you are great friends.  Maybe it’s time to have a heart to heart with her and figure out where she’s at in terms of being in your wedding.  It’s a lot to go through, to be in a wedding and going through a divorce!

Post # 4
Member
5179 posts
Bee Keeper

@pengoala: agreed. Talk to her if you can get in contact with her. I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man that I tried to talk to though and it ended up blowing up in my face.. oh, I dropped her. But if you guys are great friends just ask her if its too much for her right now.

Post # 5
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That’s kind of rough. I actually have two BMs that still don’t have dresses and an Maid/Matron of Honor with no shoes. It sounds like your friend might have some hard times going on though.

Either way, I feel for you!

Talk to her. You can’t leave the ball in her court because of the time sensitive issue but make sure you get a feel of if she’s leaning toward in or out.

Post # 6
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would call her and talk to her.. ask nicely what the hold up is.. offer her the chance to back out if she has too much going on.. or offer to buy it for her again (if she declines again) tell her she can pay you back if she want’s you are just getting nervous about her not having the dress yet.

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What’s the return policy on the dress?  Would you do anything differently if she were to drop out (e.g. invite someone in her place).  If no to the latter and she’s given no indication that she’s withdrawing from your wedding, maybe buy it now (so you get it) but wait for a few weeks until a week or so before the dress can’t be returned to talk to her. 

Post # 8
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Put yourself in her shoes. If she is going through a divorce 7 months after her wedding, that is likely her focus, not your wedding. 

One of the most beneficial things to my annoyance/frustration level lately has been to re-adjust my expectations re: my friends, family, bridesmaids, etc. when it comes to my wedding. While it is clearly the most important thing going on in my life right now, it isn’t the most important thing to anyone else.  Unless it is someone who has never been in/been to a wedding, it is just another in a long string of weddings in which they are involved. 

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If it makes you feel better, I have a bridesmaid who doesn’t have a dress yet, and my wedding is in 16 days! I figure that she’s such a good friend who’s just been incredibly busy at work, and I know that she’ll pull through for me on the day – so it’s not worth worrying too much about.

I guess my advice is to decide when it’s really important for her to have a dress ordered – and if she hasn’t done it by then, I’d just order it for her…

Post # 10
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

yikes! only married for 7 months and they are getting divorced!! I could see how she might be a little distracted! If you really want her there, maybe just see how she’s doing and let her know you would understand if she has to back out of the wedding party. But let her know that you could order it for her to make sure it is ready in time for the wedding if she decides to participate. That’s a really tough situation and I hope everything works out for you.

Post # 11
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I like Kay01’s suggestion.  I don’t know jcrew’s return policy on their bm dresses, but i assume it’d be within 30-60 days.  I’d purchase the dress, if you know what size to buy, give it a few more weeks, and then ask her if she’d like to 1. take the dress as a gift 2. pay you back for the dress at a later time or 3. quietly step aside and be a regular guest for the day.  Worst case she can’t handle being in a wedding right now, and you just return the dress and best case she purchases the dress without being prompted (again) and you return the dress!  Sorry this is something you’re having to stress over, but I’m sure it has more to do with her current problems than not really caring about your wedding.

Post # 13
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If it makes you feel better…. I’m getting married on July 30th and my Maid/Matron of Honor still doesn’t have her dress….my Fiance and his Bridesmaid or Best Man don’t have their shirts or ties either. I’m stressing a bit about it – but it will all fall into place!

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