Wedding in 8 weeks. Should i go ahead?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2046 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh bee. You do not have to go through with this.

You dated for about 6 months, broke up, then got back together for about a month and then got engaged extremely fast.

He is not at all understanding or sympathetic about your anxiety. That is not acceptable.

I think you know deep down this isn’t right.

Post # 3
Member
6170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Why the rush? You don’t have to marry him so quickly. Why not keep dating him, have him come with you to some therapy appointments so he understands the depth of your anxiety and how to be more supportive? I’m flabbergasted that you’re marrying him so quickly with so many doubts and so shortly after your breakup.

Post # 4
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

Coming from someone who also struggles with debilitating anxiety, I think the biggest concern is that you need to seek help. You should be able to make your own decisions (i.e. not be forced onto a plane when you know that’s not best for you) and be able to clearly see when a person is (your fiancé) is not respectful of your limits. I have put my partner through sone major hell because of my mental illness and although I’m not proud of that, he has always done his best to understand, respect, and attempt to remedy. 

As a pp pointed out, six months is the time you spent with this man before breaking up. Maybe you personally need longer than that to feel comfortable in a relationship (I sure do!). Marriage is a huge commitment and I’d hate for you to sell yourself short on finding a man who fully understands, respects you, and is committed to putting you first just because your fiancé has some redeeming qualities. 

Post # 5
Member
10490 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Pass 

Post # 6
Member
7799 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

You haven’t even dated a full year without breaking up, and you were planning an eight month engagement? That’s all just bad judgement, compounded big-time by the situations you outlined above. Why not date longer? Take the time to see if he really has changed and will be more caring in the future. You’re both rushing into things, which is a recipe for disaster. 

Post # 8
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2020 - City, State

Hey there! 

I also have really bad anxiety and I was once in a relationship with someone who didn’t understand nor seem to care that I was hurting, similar to what it sounds like you’re going through. I was miserable the entire time I was in that relationship. However, my FH completely understands and is very supportive, and never wants to see me hurting. So coming from personal experience I would wait just a little while longer to make sure you really want to go through with it. If you need to extend the engagement then so be it. 

If you don’t notice him changing for the better and actively working on these things/actively working to make sure he doesn’t put you in a situation like that again then I would say you might be better off leaving him, as harsh as that may sound. I wish you the best! 

Post # 9
Member
6874 posts
Busy Beekeeper

No wedding. If he truly feels remorseful and understands where he went wrong, he can choose to work on that aspect of his character. But you can’t make him. So spend a couple of months seeing if he has that in him and if not, move on. Personally I’d have dumped him before getting on the plane because of incompatibility but I’ll assume an anxiety disorder makes it harder to come to a decision like that. You Could likely benefit from working on yourself as well, so that despite the disorder, you are able to take better control of your personal life, or you’re going to be miserable. 

Post # 10
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
cloudyincali :  Woah.  First point, definitely call off the engagement.  There is no rush.  Do not ever agree to marry someone unless you are 110% sure that’s what you want. 

As far as breaking up or not, that’s your call.  You are the one that knows your BF.  Which of the following do you think was behind his behaviour?

I don’t “have anxiety”, however I don’t like crowds or loud music, it makes me feel uneasy, as do a lot of people and I would say to my husband that “crowds make me anxious”.  Maybe he didn’t realise the extent of how you were feeling?  Are you actively trying to get your anxiety under control?  Sounds like you took some medication briefly in 2018, but nothing since?  I would suggest finding a therapist that’s a good fit to help you with your anxiety, and then maybe bring your bf in for a session so the therapist can explain what’s going on? 

Or he could fully understand how much you were suffering and just not care.  

Post # 11
Member
13717 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The way he treated you the night you went to the festival was callous, and self centered. It is more than sufficient reason to break up for good and his so called remorse would be too little too late. Look next time for someone for whom compassion and selflessness come naturally. 

Post # 12
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

So let me get this straight, you have only been dating a year, well not really because yall broke up, and now yall are rushing headlong into a wedding?

WTF? 

Being ambitious, successful, and having the same vision of the future doesnt mean he is a great partner. Unless of your considering your union a business arrangement, but marriage is no business arrangement.

Step one.. .Call off the wedding.

Step two..get thyself to a therapist to control your anxiety.

Step three…take him to therapy too. 

If all three of those things dont happen in short order, you will be back here after the wedding complaining that you married someone who is self centered and only cares about themselves, while you are left struggling. 

 

Post # 13
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

At the end of the day, he put his needs above yours for something as trivial as a music concert. 

It is a no from me. 

Post # 14
Member
8778 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

You barely know each other, dated for hardly any time, broke up then got back together and engaged and he hardly seems to care about you. Can’t see the appeal to be honest. 

Post # 15
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Aren’t you guys too old to go to these kinds of festivals? They were like something I did in my late teens/early 20s. I’d feel way too old going now and I’m only in my late 20s

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