- 2 years ago
- Wedding: August 2019
Hi everyone, it’s my first time posting here.
I am engaged since January this year, and our wedding is scheduled to be August 31. We met in Feb 2018, dated for a while, broke up in Jun 2018 and back together in Dec then shortly decided to get engaged. I am 32 and he is 34.
I am feeling a lot of anxiety and fear around this marriage because of several key incidents, and also overall feel I cannot “get through” to him.
Incident 1) I had a history of anxiety attack (took prescription antidepressants for a few months in 2018), and in May he wanted us to go to an electronic music festival (EDC) in Vegas together. I expressed many times I did not want to go, and even before boarding the flight, I said I didn’t want to go and felt very anxious about being in big crowds and loud music. He convinced me to go.
When we got to the venue, it was very loud and crowded and soon I asked that can we leave. 2 hours into it I broke down in tears hysterically. I was crying so much that 3 security guards came up to us and dragged me away from him, and made sure I was not being harrassed.
Finally at midnight he found me a hotel near by and sent me to the uber line and he stayed because his friends weren’t there yet.
When i got back to the hotel room I kept shaking from the anxiety breakdown. From midnight to 3am, I texted him for help and asked when he can come back he responded very slowly and in one word messages, and it was at 3:30 that i spelled out “I am suffering because you told me to come, and I plead you to come back to take care of me” that he finally came to me at 5am.
He immediately passed out and did not ask me about the incident.
Incident 2. For our wedding afterparty he had an idea to go to a music festival the next day. This idea was sprouted before Incident 1. However, after that incident he still repeatedly brought it up, even after witnessing me suffer.
After I put my foot down and said I would not go to these types of events ever again, he said why not I go with my friends then.
These are two incidents that made me seriously reconsider this relationship. In addition, he has the tendency to be very persuasive in his words.
To balance the above very negative points,
a) I do admire him because he is ambitious, successful, and we share similar visions in our future. I myself am a successful businesswoman that started and runs a fast growing business, and for me it has been very hard to find someone who can share that type of vision in life.
b) He is very remorseful now that I have finally made it clear how much that has hurt me, and vowed to do better and listen better.
I feel immense pressure right now to make a decision soon because the wedding is in 8 weeks.
Any comments / advice is appreciated…