(Closed) Wedding in a church vs. vineyard or other non-religious location

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We are getting married at a country club. My Future Mother-In-Law told us our marriage would not be sacred if we were not married in a church. We could care less, we are not religious. I have never heard of the the wedding location making a difference on the success of marriage. I did once hear in sociology class in college that people that are more religious have lower divorce rates due to them feeling like divorce was not an option. I would ask your minister where he got this data from? I recently read a study stating that people who got married over the age of 27 and who had a Master’s degree or higher had a lowest rate of divorce. I agree with you, it depends on the couple. Plus a minister has financial ties to his church, usually churches charge money to marry couples, the more couples than can marry in their church the more money they can make. Another thing I would think of is the quality of the marriage, it would be miserable to be so unhappy in a marriage but not want to get divorced for religious reasons. I think there are way too many factors that play into marriage to say that the location of the wedding makes a huge difference.

Post # 4
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiancé and I were both raised Catholic. We too dreamed of an outdoor wedding and have chosen a gorgeous vineyard. Though are parents were not thrilled, it is our wedding and our decision. We are also paying for the wedding ourselves. I say do what makes you both happy.

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I dreamed about getting married in our church, growing up.  However the man I married is not catholic, not baptised and divorced.  Those are 3 seperate dispensations plus the pre cana stuff.   We didn’t have the money for all that so we had a friend marry us at our venue.  I mean we’ve only been married a few weeks, but it’s going ok so far (lol it’s great)

My parents, didn’t get married in a Church, they got married at City hall, and were married for 30 years, until the day my mom died.  I don’t think it matters one way or the other.

Post # 6
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, what that priest told your mother is one of the most absurd things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I guarantee if you look up divorce statistics, the location of the wedding ceremony will have no place in the data.

So I  just did a quick search of academic publications, and I see no evidence that anyone has ever even done a study of a correllation between the location of the wedding and the rate of divorce. 

Get married where you both want to get married – not in a church because your mother wants it. Lost of people are going to meddle in your hopes and dreams for this wedding, and for the rest of your marriage. And they’ll come up with some incredible nonsense to convince you they’re right. Ignore them, or you’ll end up handing over parts of your relationship to their meddling, and that does spell trouble, every time.

Post # 7
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with you and think this is sad that people like your mother feel the way they do.  What really makes one man made building any more sacred then another???  Is God really not going to be present at your wedding just because you are not in a church??  And if you are outside, then all the more sacred right? after all the outside world, mother earth, is Gods creation!!!! 

 I think the part that should matter the most, and the most sacred part is the relationship and the ceremony that the two of you plan!  

My Fiance and I wrote our own ceremony and are having an outdoor wedding at an old B&B, we feel that this is a better way for us to be closer to God and it means more to us and will be more special to us then a minister doing the same traditional ceremony in a church, I say to each his/ her own 🙂

Post # 8
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My thoughts are that God is every where and he created the earth… God will be present where ever you get married!  

Post # 9
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We are getting married at an art center in our home town. My fiance’s Mother is very devoutly Catholic and did try to push us towards the church at first. However, my fiance and I felt like we would have to be dishonest about a lot of our personal beliefs when we went for our first visit with the Priest. There are just several social issues with disagree with the church on (i.e. we’ve been living together for four years now, use birth control, and definitely don’t have any issues with gay marriage…three pretty big things for sure among others). So, we came to the conclusion that we would simply get married at a beautiful secular location. My fiance’s Mom actually spoke with her Priest about it and he explained that he believed we made the right decision in not lying about our beliefs. He really helped to convince her that where we were getting married was okay and now she’s totally on board. 🙂

Overall, I’m glad we’re not getting married in a church. Neither of us are traditional and we can do a lot of different things with our ceremony that we would not get to do at a more traditional/religious location.

As a side note, I think your location is lovely! I love a beautiful outdoor wedding. And what someone else mentioned is true, isn’t God supposed to be everywhere? 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all, a vneyard wedding sounds so wonderful! Congratulations!

Second, I personally feel more connected to God outdoors than in a church (He created nature after all!). But even if I didn’t feel that way, there is nothing wrong with not getting married in a church. I’m not!

Post # 12
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I have to laugh when people say things like this. I would hate to worship with those that thought my marriage was null and void if it didn’t happen in a place they deemed appropriate, it isn’t their wedding!

I am getting married outside. As my Fiance and I both agreed we have never felt closer to God than we do when we are in nature.

Congrats to you and I’m sure it will be beautiful and stick to your guns!

 

Post # 13
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

@AngelicBride:  I am sorry to say that either your mother misunderstood the Priest or your mother twisted the truth a little. There is no proof that a wedding ceremony held inside a church. Is any more binding then a wedding ceremony held in a vineyard or secular location.

No building, location or item can “make” a marriage more binding. Either the couple decides marriage is a lifelong binding commitment or they do not.

 

 

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