Post # 1
I need to vent. My mom and friends don’t know what to even say to me anymore, but I feel the need to get this off my chest. To make a long story short, I ended up with a dress that is a different silhouette than what I envisioned for myself. I was always SET on a natural waist a-line dress. I look best in them and feel the most confident in them. What I have is a dress that’s fitted through the hips. To give you an idea, the “button” back goes past my butt. I HATE that and feel it makes me look short (I’m already short). I wanted tulle with a lace bodice. What I have is a VERY lacey dress, including lace on the bottom, which I feel looks looks bottom-heavy. I wanted something traditional and I feel like I’m stuck with something that’s “trending.”
I’m heartbroken and so angry. I’m angry at myself for letting this happen. I don’t know why I was swayed by everyone telling me “A big dress will swallow you up” just because I’m petite. I hate that I even tried on this dress. I hate that I cried shortly after we left the salon the day I put down a deposit, but let people convince me that it was just nerves. I knew it in my heart THEN that this wasn’t the dress. I’m so unbelievaby mad at myself for not cancelling the order. I’ve been trying SO hard to love this dress. I’ve thought about how maybe it was the fact that it wasn’t fitted to me yet, or maybe it was that it didn’t have the belt yet… But it’s none of those things. Others around me seem to love it… but my heart is broken. If that’s dramatic, it is what it is – It’s how I feel right now. So much money has gone into this wedding. Everything seems like it’s coming together and will be beautiful… except for my dress. I’m petrified that I will put my dress on that day and cry because I hate it. I’m afraid that not loving my dress will make me feel “numb” to what’s going on around me. I’m afraid I’ll be distracted by own negative thoughts – unable to focus on the bigger, more important things – because I’ll be trying to not cry… over my dress. It’s pathetic. But honestly, it’s a huge fear of mine given that I haven’t been able to shake these feelings.
I know the dress isn’t everything. I know that the most important thing is that I’m marrying the man I love. But when you know you’re going to be the center of attention, and you know the amount of time, money, and effort that has gone into everything… How do you let go of these feelings? I’m desperate to, but I don’t know what to do.
I had my second of three fittings yesterday and was happy it zipped up in a “perfect fit” – and I did my best to stay positive… but it just isn’t what I dreamed of. And then the seamstress did a bustle, and I HATED that because it emphasizes the fact that the dress isn’t the silhouette I wanted. I tried SO hard to love it… but something just feels off to me, no matter what. I feel sick to my stomach. I would do anything to wear the dress of my dreams. But I can’t do anything. To make it worse, I found a picture of myself in a dress I tried on that I didn’t buy… but should have gotten. It’s what I belong in.
I don’t know how to move forward and feel excited about my day. This is really holding me back.
Post # 2
Go to a bridal store and buy one off the rack if your budget allows. Or order one off Tradesy or Davids Bridal if it’ll come in in time. You can get it altered in time- crazier things have happened!
edited: I just saw that you found a pic of yourself in the dress you love. Ask if you can buy that sample off the rack at the shop!
Post # 3
Specifically, theres a company who sells dresses through Tradesy and Facebook called Last Minute Bride. They sell a lot of nice samples. Since theyre name includes the words “last minute,” they can pro help you out!
Post # 4
Can you afford to buy another one?
Post # 5
Do you have any discount bridal places by you? We have an “off the rack” type place, where you literally buy a dress off the rack (samples, returns, etc.) and have it altered. That can absolutely be done in 3 weeks. I truly believe though, that you won’t be dwelling on your dress the day of. It feels like everything right now, but once you’re walking down the aisle, getting married will feel like everything. Best of luck to you!
Post # 6
3 weeks could still be enough time to buy a sample or find a used dress. Once you secure one, put yours up for sale; I’m sure you can get some cash back from that.
Maybe not being super attached to your dress could let you do some fun things with it – a trash the dress shoot, or turn it into something.
I know it’s stressful, but try to focus on the fact that you’re marrying your SO. You could wear a burlap bag and you’d still be man and wife, right? 🙂
Post # 7
You only get married once (hopefully!). So make sure it’s right.
If you can scrape the money together, go dress shopping again and buy what you want off the rack.
It’s possible, as I got my wedding dress a week before my wedding day.
Post # 8
Definitely agree with pps. There’s still time to find an alternative – perhaps on more of a budget than your first one but if you feel better in it, you’ll glow!
Post # 9
If you are willing, there is still time. I ordered my sample sale dress from Davids online and got it in 10 days- you could even see if you could do a rush order. See if your seamstress is willing to rush alterations, or find someone who is.
If this is going to make your day better and your stress level go down then jump on it and get a new one— I would suggest just doing it though and not including any of the people who previously talked you into your current dress. Go alone and try some on it you have to, you know what you are looking for.
Post # 10
You can’t get married in a dress you hate! You’ve made one mistake now don’t comopund it. Follow all the suggestions you’ve been given by other bees and pull out all stops to get the right sillouette dress of your dreams. You have a whole hive of bees behind you! …then post a picture of yourself on this forum looking relieved and happy in the right dress.
Post # 11
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
I agree with some others here and do a quick search to see if there’s a dress you can buy off the rack or if there’s a website that can ship one to you quick enough. It might not be your ultimate dream dress, but you can certainly find one in the shape that you always wanted and I think that will make you feel WORLDS better. Modcloth has some cute, inexpensive A-line gowns that work beautifully as wedding dresses if you don’t mind them being tea length, and I know some bees have even had luck with some beautiful dresses from Amazon! 3 weeks is enough time and when it’s all done and over you can sell your old dress 🙂 In this situation I think it’s definitely worth it to try to squeeze out a couple hundred bucks and recoup them later.
Some suggestions for under $200:
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Post # 14
I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt the same way and let someone else talk me into a dress I knew I didn’t love. Luckily I bought it 2 years before my wedding and still had plenty of time. After trying to like it for 9 months, I listed it for sale and bought a new one. My new one should be in soon and I could not be more relieved. Once I bought the new one, I knew that I did it for ME and noone else. I could not be happier with my choice! I have never once doubted my new dress, even after hundreds of bees told me they liked my old one better. I don’t give a shit what anyone says about it, because I love it! If at all possible, try to buy a preowned or sample of the dress you love! You will have a weight lifted off your shoulders, I promise! It’s so worth it!!
Post # 15
Thank you so much, everyone. I didn’t expect to get so many replies! It feels good to get my feelings out there without being judged for them. You all have a lot of helpful ideas and while I’m not sure all of them work for me, I really appreciate it more than I can say.
I’m not sure that I’ll be able to pull off a change of dress. I hardly managed to get bridesmaid dress alterations for my friend’s wedding last week because I was “last minute during wedding season.” I live in NYC so there’s a lot of options around, but also a lot of people to compete with for appointments anywhere. It makes things difficult, especially when because of my work schedule, I wouldn’t be able to really give any attention to this until the weekend (making it 2 weeks away).
The dress I loved was Pronovias Octavia, with a belt added on for sparkle. It’s impossible to get a Pronovias dress at this point… unless someone happens to be selling one! I tried finding it online but had no luck (street size 0/2).
It’s just such a bizarre thing to have reservations about your dress when everyone that has seen it thinks it’s beautiful. I can see that it’s a lovely dress – it has a lot of details, sparkle, that vintage look that I like – but I can’t shake off that it’s not an a-line. The dress designer (James Clifford) advertises it as a “modifed a-line” yet it looks more like a trumpet, if I had to label the silhouette myself.
Again, I really appreciate all the ideas and comments. Regardless of what ends up happening with my dress, I like knowing that someone out there understands where I’m coming from and isn’t dimissive of my feelings! Thank you!