(Closed) Wedding in groom's hometown

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Is it possible to consider a second reception in your geographic area for those who cannot attend the wedding and reception in your FSIL’s hometown?  Years ago, I attended a friend’s wedding and reception on one coast and was also invited to attend her reception held a couple of months later on the opposite coast for her DH’s family who could not or did not wish to travel that far for the wedding.  Both events were quite lovely.

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

How long have your daughter and her fiance been planning the wedding? When I was planning the wedding, we switched back and forth between his and my hometowns until only a few months ago when we pretty much just said “Screw it, it’s in my hometown.”

Wait and see if this is definitely how they are planning their wedding, but if you are genuinely concerned that this is going to be a problem, then I think talk with your daughter about your concerns – try to keep money out of it, and try not to guilt her too much. I hate it when my future-in-laws act as if we should obey them because they’re contributing money (especially because we didn’t ask in the first place!). If, however, you’re not comfortable paying for a wedding so far from you where you live and where your friends and family may be less likely to attend, then I think you should definitely discuss that with your daughter. It’s your money, and I strongly believe that you have at least a say in how it gets spent.

Post # 5
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Malady:  Very few people actually achieve their dream wedding. I’m sure her dream wedding also included friends, family, a wonderful groom and many other things that she IS going to have. It sounds like she is including her groom’s wishes into the arrangements. If she had the wedding in your hometown, would it be as hard for her groom’s family to attend?

Post # 7
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Malady:  Well, the reason I suggested this is that, from the sound of your original post, her wedding is not going to end up being the size she envisioned anyway, if all of those guests are not going to be able to attend. What I was suggesting would not be a reception that would include more guests than are on the original guest list, but, rather, a separate event to accommodate guests from your geographic region who would be declining the first invitation.

Post # 10
Member
7736 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you’re paying 100%, you get a say in it. I think your daughter is being unreasonable taking your money and then telling you it’s 3000 miles away. I’m not in favour anyone being a MOMzilla and dictating her wedding colours etc, but I think you are within your rights to insist that it’s nearby so that your friends and family can easily attend – or force them (the couple or the groom’s family) to partly pay.

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Either way one side has to travel. I don’t think it’s asking too much for either set of parents to make the trip. In this day and age it very easy to travel.

My Fi’s family  and friends are traveling from the west coast to attend our wedding. It was a hard choice ultimately if we chose to get married in his hometown I would have been upset if my parents complained about it.

These days it super easy to travel and you may be surprised about how many guest would be willing and how many of them show up with proper notice. In fact the majority of my Fi family will be at our wedding. We let them know by word of mouth once we set the date, and sent the save the date out super early.

If you are giving them money with strings attached or under the condition that they get married where you want,then make sure you let them know that so they can take that under consideration and decided if they want to accept the money under those conditions.

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