Post # 1
Member
10 posts
Newbee
Hi everyone,
Im new to weddingbee and I am hoping to get some advice.
I have seen some posts about weddings in the same year as another family member and most are filled with condescending vibes and mean words… That’s SO NOT the case in my situation. My Future Sister-In-Law, who has also become one of my very best friends, was engaged last night. She and her fiance have been together for 2 years and my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Though her brother and I are not officially engaged yet, we have been making our plans to have our wedding next Fall which his family has been very much a part of. I asked my FSIL a couple of months ago to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she had informed me that when she got engaged, she would want me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor also 🙂
Well, here we are… I am UBER excited for her and her fiance but in the pit of my stomach I feel a kind of selfishness. I love her dearly and I want her to have her own special time as I also want us to have our own special time… which is why I am considering moving our wedding to Fall of 2012 instead as she informed me this morning that they want to have their wedding in the Fall of next year as we had originally planned. Is this silly on my part to want to move our wedding?
p.s. I don’t know if this matters, but both my boyfriend and I have been married before where as this is my FSIL’s first marriage. The first time I married, a close cousin of mine and I had our weddings a month apart. We were also each other’s MOH’s. It was NOT as much fun for me as I think it should have been.
Post # 3
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t quite get the ‘special time’ issue, but as long as you are willing to move your date as opposed to expecting her to move hers, I don’t think anyone will think anything of it.
Post # 4
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
And if someone else close to you gets engaged and decides to get married in the fall in 2012, will you then postpone yours until 2013?
I do think it’s pretty silly. For you the wedding is a whole big long exciting stretch of time, but for the guests it’s just one day. Two weddings in one season is not that crowded. My friend and her sister got married within one week of each other this past summer and they were still both happy as clams.
Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
As long as they are not back to back (and “steal” decor ideas) you can have it whenever you want. If you feel better moving it, then for for it. But if you can arrange it a few months later once you are engaged I think that is perfectly fine.
Post # 6
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper
No, it’s not silly to move your wedding. If you and your Fiance are fine with it, then go for it. I personally think a couple months between events are ‘fine’. As long as you can schedule showers, etc around each other, a couple months should be sufficient. I think there are tons of other ‘life’ events that make wedding ‘one more thing’ for people. I know I’d get super antsy watching my Future Sister-In-Law get married during the time I wanted to get married and have to wait a whole additional year.
Post # 7
Member
10 posts
Newbee
@Tatum: I guess I felt that because we will be each other’s MOH’s, that adds to the already excistent wedding stress.
Post # 8
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
Since you are not yet engaged and have no deposits out or have any vendors lined up, you should get marrried whenever you would like. If that means waiting anotehr year or two or three, then go for it. Do whatever makes you happy.
Post # 9
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
@MickeyBee: I agree there’s nothing wrong with friends or family members planning weddings close together. (My upcoming wedding will be two weeks later than my FSIL’s, as a matter of fact.)
However, from a purely practical standpoint, I do think you need to consider that you plan to be each others’ MOHs. There are duties attached to being Maid/Matron of Honor that will require your time and attention, and I can see where taking on that role and having it overlap with planning your own wedding could results in excess stress, or giving one of both weddings short shrift. This is especially true if you or your Future Sister-In-Law plan to have large/elaborate weddings with lots of events and/or DIY projects that take extra time, effort and expense.
You’re smart to think it through, and consider putting some time between the two weddings. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a whole year? Being at the end of my planning right now, I would say that 4-6 months would be sufficient. Would you consider a spring wedding?
Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee
@NotYourTypicalBride: Thank you so much! You took the words right out of my mouth. I think that’s the part that worries me… I don’t want to short change her as her Maid/Matron of Honor and I also would like her “full attention” when it’s time for her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I think we both deserve that much. Not to mention all the extra costs of being in someone’s wedding in addition to the cost of your own!
I have always wanted a Fall wedding and though I know I am not “officially engaged”, this is something that we have been planning and his family has been a big part of helping us with it so it’s not like it’s out of no where and a big surprise.
Post # 11
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
i think a few montha in between is enought time My Future Sister-In-Law got married in August, we got engaged the month before…i refused to tell anyone about wedding plans or dates until after her wedding, i didnt want to ruin her special day…mine would come. a couple weeks after she was married we annouced that we would be getting married in Feb. 2011 (not my ideal date 🙁 but my bro is going overseas so i had to do it before he leaves) exactly 6 months after her. i didnt feel any hostility from her about it or the family.
Depending on your guests on his side (out of town or not) i would put a few months between the weddings, in case people have to travel far, that was a big fear of mine, that people may not show because they are mostly up north and im not sure if people want to make the trip twice in a year but this may work to my benefit, i wanted a small wedding to begin with and he comes from a HUGE family so my dreams were shattered… but i dont think you need to push it out an entire year.
Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper
@MickeyBee: To be honest, I do think it’s kind of silly. My Maid/Matron of Honor and I were married within 2 weeks of each other, and we managed our duties fine. It was great to have someone go through the wedding process with, and we made sure we were committed to each other knowing that each of our weddings were a lot of work. We each had very different ceremonies and receptions, and even used the same photographer.
I just think it’s silly to put your life on hold for someone else. Go through it together and love every minute of it.
Post # 13
Member
10 posts
Newbee
@2PeasinaPod: That’s a good way of looking at it… Going through the same process together. I like that point of view. Thanks.
Post # 14
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
@MickeyBee: I’ll throw out one more suggestion, just in case. Given that this is your FSIL’s first wedding, and you are so close, is it possible to have a candid conversation with her about the timing? I assume she knows you were planning a Fall wedding, right? Could it be that she doesn’t realize the impact of timing the weddings so close together?
If you gently explain to her that you’re not comfortable planning your wedding within a couple of months of hers (and share the practical aspects of it, NOT the emotional side) maybe, just maybe, if she’s not totally attached to the fall also, she might consider moving hers to the spring?
Just something to think about, before it’s too late! Good luck. 🙂
Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper
@MickeyBee: We obviously made sure we made accommodations for each other. I wanted to be sure she and her husband were back from their honeymoon in time for our wedding which is why we did 2 weeks apart rather than just a week apart, but it was really fun to do.
Her husband was in Iraq for abour 6 months of her planning, so she was tagging along with me to different vendors to get some other perspective on things since he wasn’t around to chime in. We also both weren’t into the bachelorette party, and we’re best friends who have the same interestes…so we combined our bachelorette party and went to a Phillies game. Got cute T-shirts, got on the jumbotron and had an all around great time together. It’s really fun when you have someone to celebrate with and you don’t make it a competition.
Post # 16
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
I am getting married 2 weeks apart from my BFF and it has already been so stressful and you are right that it takes some of the special time away from each of you doing it that close together. We have friends that are stressed about making the showers/parties/dress shopping work because they are in both wedding parties and it has been hard to do anything “extra” (like we thought about running a half marathon with some of the wedding party) without feeling like a complete burden on everyone’s schdeules.
If you are ok with moving it I would say it is a good idea to spread them out, you really will get more of her (any everyone’s) attention for your big day.
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