Wedding invitation asking for $100 'contribution'

posted 2 months ago in Guests
Post # 32
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Are the bride or groom Asian? It’s an unspoken rule to gift $100 per guest, so $200 per couple, to a Chinese wedding. It’s tacky to put it on the invitation but at the same time you get super judged if you don’t give that. The rule is that you should give enough to cover the cost of your meal, and usually that’s $100. Before you guys start judging other people’s cultures though, just keep in mind traditionally Chinese people don’t do wedding showers or bachelorette parties, so the wedding is the only thing you attend where you bring a gift.

Post # 33
Member
1567 posts
Bumble bee

Classic! Haha I would attend and contribute but no gift, just a card.

Post # 34
Member
8952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

darski73 :  So if you RSVP yes but don’t send the money before the wedding what does that mean? That you are uninvited? That you don’t get dinner, drinks or a seat?

Sorry but this is so rude. $100 let alone $200 for an individual or family (or more if the kids are invited) is a lot of money for some. This practice is exclusionary. No one should have to pass on a local wedding for friends/family because they can’t afford the admission price. Not to mention that some guests may feel obligated to attend and can’t afford $100 so go without food, paying bills or medication. 

Post # 35
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I also live in Quebec and just experienced this last year!!! The couple also requested 100$ per person by E-TRANSFER!!!! LOL we thought it was super tacky but assumed it must be a normal request among their social circle so we gave them the exact amount and that was it. We also would’ve given more had they not written anything. Most people I know usually give anywhere from 100-200$ per person (average 150) to attend a wedding so in the end we saved money lol

Post # 36
Member
4378 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

darski73 :  if you are going to attend anyway and give them their requisite contribution, I’d ask them for an invoice or receipt because that’s what you legally must receive from a vendor  when you purchase things like goods and services. 🙄

Post # 37
Member
282 posts
Helper bee

The most egregious thing about it is asking for the money when RSVPing. Like “we need to get your funds before the party to confirm your tickets”. And what happens if you reply that you’re going but don’t include the money? Does that mean you can’t go and bring it on the day? That alone would turn me off enough to decline.

Post # 38
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

I would decline. Straight up asking me for money is classless. Demanding it, is outrageous. 

 

Ps I live in Quebec  and fh is French. Never heard of this. 

Post # 39
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

ariesscientist :  huh? 

My fiance and I typically gift $200-250 CAD for weddings… 

Post # 40
Member
4445 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

They way they asked for it is super tacky but $100 per guest is really cheap. Weddings in Ontario typically run $130-170/plate so that’s a bargain. 

Post # 41
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Funny how very few people actually answered the question of whether or not she should give something in addition to the contribution. She said that she was going to attend so unsure how it is relevant for people to post to say that they wouldn’t go. While it would be considered tacky in my family, what is also incredibly tacky is giving nothing at a wedding, or not RSVP ing, among other things that people do. 

Post # 43
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

pinkrose398 :  Not Chinese. While guests are expected to give cash gifts that at least cover their plate at a wedding, it’s never put on the invitation explicitly like that. It’d be considered bad taste.

 

But I can confirm that I’ve had 2 or 3 wedding invitations where the couple have asked for a contribution explicitly on the invite in Quebec. This seem to be more common and acceptable in French speaking Quebecers (no offense to anyone who’s french canadian) mostly couples who are not weel established financially (I’ve never heard of it until I started dating my husband… but he thought it was the norm. But then, in that circle of friends they also organised baby showers as potluck and invite people over for dinner and make them pay for food, so completely different cultural norm…). If you want to not go empty handed, you could buy a small gift, otherwise a gift is definitely not expected. 

Post # 44
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

darski73 :  You could still bring a card with a heartfelt message 🙂 it’s not like they’re going to start opening gifts at the reception (hopefully!!! Lol)

Post # 45
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Yeah, pretty normal in Quebec. I’ve been to many like that.

No, a gift is not expected. If the amount was less, let’s say 50$ per person, a gift would be expected, as the average gift amount is around 100$ per person.

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