Post # 1
I am having the toughest time figuring out how to word our wedding invitations…We have what I think is a pretty unique situation, but maybe I’ll be surprised.
My mother is deceased- my parents were married 18 years when she died and I was a teenager. My dad is remarried-has been for about 7 years to my stepmother whom I’m not close with.
My dad gave us a monetary gift for the wedding- about 1/3-1/4 of our total budget.
My Fiance hasn’t talked to either of his parents in years and neither one will even be invited to the wedding and he doesn’t want their names on anything.
Whose names do we put on the invitation? Do we just say hosted by ourselves?–but then I feel bad because my dad did contribute some. I’d like my mom’s name on the invites, but not really my stepmoms. Not sure what to do?
Post # 4
Why not say “together with their families”? That way your dad and mom are obviously included (even if in spirit) and no one gets offende for being left off?
Post # 5
I second the previous suggestion. It’s not unusual to see an invite saying something like “[Bride’s name] and [Groom’s name], together with their families, are delighted to invite [Guest name] to their wedding.”
It’s entirely your decision and no one really can disagree with what you and your fiance are comfortable with/want to put on the invites to your wedding.
Post # 6
Thanks so much for the insight! Only concern we havis with “together with our families” is that Fiance doesn’t want his family even recognized. They won’t be there and he doesn’t want to honor them in anyway cause they weren’tat family or parents to him at all. It’s tough!
Post # 7
I know this is a little sensitive, but since your mother has passed it’s a little odd for her to be inviting people to your wedding. If you want to include the names of parents I would list your father and stepmother, but it sounds like it would be easier to just list you and your fiance’s names.
You should recognize your mother during the ceremony or in the programs. It will be very meaningful.
Post # 8
@jocrazy: While I don’t have an identical situation we have a similarish one, so I’m going to use the general guidelines we used and give it a shot for you and see what you think:
[Your first and middle name]
the daughter of
[Your dad’s first name] and the late [Your Mom’s first name] [Your parent’s last name]
[Your fiance’s full name]
request the honor of your presence at their marriage (if you’re having a church wedding)
invite you to share in the joy
when they exchange marriage vows
and begin their new life together
[Follow with the rest of the details]
I think you can defintely have everyone you want/need to have on your invite in a way that makes sense to you all. My FI’s father passed away a few years ago and his Mom isn’t contributing any money to our wedding, but we felt it was important to have them on our invite so we did. I think by adding the daughter of before your name you’re not obligated to add your step-mom’s name. I hope this helps!
Post # 9
@jocrazy: Like the previous poster, I do not want to appear insensitive, but it would not be right to list your mom as a host. It might be confusing and uncomfortable for those receiving the invitations.
Regarding your dad as host, giving a gift towards to cost of the wedding is not necessarily the same as hosting. If you do consider it hosting, unless he and his wife keep completely separate finances, the money was actually from both of them. So if you want to include him as a host, I feel you would also need to include her.
He might not even be expecting you to list him as host. What if you mock up some invitations listing just you and the groom, and bring them over (in person) to ask his opinion on them? That way you can see if he seems surprised or disappointed. It would be a good opportunity to explain exactly what you’ve written here: none of the traditional phrases works for your unique situation. If you’re having programs, you could mention his generous contribution on there, and you could also give a toast at the reception thanking him and also honoring your mom.
Post # 10
@VtoM: Brilliant, this is a great idea!
Post # 11
The honor of your presence (or “pleasure of your company,” if you’re not getting married in a church)
is requested at the marriage of
at [insert time of wedding and time of day]
[Insert name of the location of the wedding]
[Insert city and state]
Reception to follow
ETA: I like PP’s suggestion of adding “daughter of [Father’s name] and [Deceased mother’s name]” after the bride’s name. However, I think it might draw too much attention to the lack of the groom’s parent’s names on the invitation. Up to you.
Post # 12
I think that @VtoM: has a great suggestion. If that highlights the absence for your fiance, though…is there ANY family of his that will be attending to support? In that case “together with their families” wouldn’t be a lie, and it would be awfully nice.
Post # 13
Thank you all for your suggestions. @Daisymae- I don’t really consider him hosting since he’s only contributing abou 25% of the wedding costs and we’re hosting it where we live, not where i’m originally from. However I am so thankful and grateful to have received his gift and I agree that it is a gift from my dad and stepmom at this point due to joined finances.
My dad is traditional, but also doesn’t really care about recognition. I definitely think having a conversation with him about the awkardness of the situation would help and I predict that he will say just list your names and that he doesn’t need to be recognized, however he did a hell of a job raising 5 kids without my mom so I’d kind of like to honor him in some way.
I also agree that it’d be odd to include my mother as a host, i was thinking more along the lines of “”daughter of”..
You all are very helpful! thank you!
Post # 14
due to marriages/remarriages/tense relationships my fiance and I decided “screw em” and our wording will be as follows
PLEASE JOIN US IN PARADISE AS
CELEBRATE THEIR MARRIAGE
RECEPTION TO FOLLOW