Post # 1
I need some advice!
My parents are paying for our entire wedding because my fiance’s family claims that they do not have any funds to contribute whatsoever. Money aside, they have not offered to help out, participate in, or even ‘care’ about anything having to do with the wedding at all. My parents feel very taken advantage of.
Because of this, my parents are insisting on using the wedding invite wording:
“Brides parents’ names invite you to the wedding of their daughter
Bride to Groom
Son of (groom’s parents names).
Now I know that this wording is actually quite common and quite traditional, however, it really rubs me the wrong way. I feel like it is a) insulting to the groom’s family even though they are not paying for anything and b) comes across selfish and mean to be trying to make it obvious to everyone that only one family is paying.
I am torn because I want to make my parents happy, but I don’t want people receiving the invitation to think the wording is horrible and mean.
Am I over-reacting here? Is this wording totally fine and you wouldn’t think twice if you received it? Do you think his family will be insulted by it?
Post # 3
If I got the invite I would think your parents were hosting, and I think that’s totally fine. It is nice of you to worry about sounding mean, but I say go with the traditional wording.
Post # 4
@sunnyday1: Fortunately for me, my FIs parents have given us some money (not a lot, but anything is appreciated). The wording on our invitations is:
Danielle Middle Last
William Middle Last
Together with their families
Invite you to join them as they
Unite in Marriage
I know it’s less formal, but I really feel like it keeps anyone’s feelings from being hurt.
Post # 5
I don’t think its mean, its traditional. Your parents might be going for a little snarkiness here but I doubt most people will think of it that way.
Post # 6
I don’t think the wording has any negative feelings in it at all. As you said… it really is a common way to word invitations in this situation. I think you should go for it! Your parent’s will be happy and no one will think badly about the way it’s worded at all.
Post # 7
I think that wording is quite common. It just implies that your parents are hosting.
Post # 8
I think it’s good of you to care, but I also think you are overreacting a little. That’s one of the more common invitation wordings out there – it would even be ok/common if you didn’t have “son of…” on it.
Post # 9
I have to agree, I think the wording is really fine.
Post # 10
The wording is fine. Your parents ARE hosting. The invitation should reflect that.
I had the opposite problem. We paid for about half of our wedding, and our parents contributed too. So I used “Together with [parents of bride] and [mom of groom] [bride] and [groom] invite you…”. My mom balked at this and wanted to use the same wording that your parents want to use. Intellectually I knew she just thought it was traditional, but I was actually pretty offended that she said that and it was hard not to send a snarky reply to that email.
Post # 11
Traditional Wording is fine… and it is 100% correct in this situation… as YES it is YOUR PARENTS who are hosting the event.
I understand your questioning this though, because it isn’t as common place as it once was, because Weddings now tend to be affairs that are more jointly funded by both sides, including the couple themselves.
Lol, 30+ Years ago, and my first Wedding and I had the same issue with my Mom & Dad… as the Bride I sooo wanted my Hubby-2-B have his Parent’s recognized on the invite… out of respect more to HIM than them (afterall I barely knew them).
BUT like your situation, they weren’t contributing to the actual Wedding itself… (their contribution was a lovely Rehearsal Dinner, and they were very generous with their Wedding Gift(s) as well). Funds for the actual Wedding were all coming from my Parents, and us as a couple. When it came down to actual BUCKS, my Parents were paying the lion’s share and also “hosting” the biggest event (and the most costly) the Reception… so in then end they did get the final say… and we went with the Traditional Wording.
Looking back now, I think how silly I was to have this issue cloud my thinking at the time (there are biggger issues that a Bride can get into a tizzy about than this one).
My Wedding was awesome (lol not so much the marriage)… and My Parents made me really really happy … they put on wonderful day and I was so proud of them for doing all that for me (it was super expensive for them). Even now it brings a tear to my eye.
Go with it… embrace it. And know that they love you dearly.
Post # 12
That’s just the way it’s supposed to be. My FIL’s didn’t even bat an eye when they saw they weren’t on the invitation and they just paid the downpayment for our home so they’ve definitely contributed to our marriage!! I felt bad about not putting their names on the invitation, but I didn’t want to take away from my parent’s hosting the wedding. I say, don’t worry about it one bit.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
We’re using that format, both families have contributed, and I don’t think it’s horrible or mean. 🙂
Post # 14
We didn’t put either of our parent’s names on our invites and it wasn’t a big deal (though both sides contributed a lot, as did we). Do it the way you want and don’t make it a big thing.