Post # 1
So, my fiance and I have been invited to a big wedding and the RSVP due date is nearing. The problem is, I would like to attend but cannot invite her to mine, as mine is small and the venue has a capacity. Hers is close to 300 and we have mutual friends going. They don’t seem to have a budget limit, etc. My thinking is to decline attending and not invite her to mine. Thoughts? Would it be tacky to go?
Post # 3
Wedding invites are not tit-for-tat. She invited you, not because she wants an invite to yours, but because they would like for you to go! If you want to go, you should! 🙂
Post # 4
I agree with the above poster. I’m inviting people to my wedding and I wasn’t invited to theirs. I’m inviting because I think they are important enough to me to come. I have no idea why I didn’t make their guest list (budget? space? who knows).
Post # 5
She wants you there… go. Every wedding is different, I don’t expect to go to every wedding of every person who will be at mine and I also know that I won’t be able to invite everyone from all that I have ever been to.
Be there for her. I think she would be more hurt knowing you didn’t go because you felt bad.
Post # 6
I would go and have a good time. Since it’s a big wedding with close to 300 people attending, I wouldn’t bat an eyelash…
Post # 7
She invited you because she wants you there, not because she’s hoping to parlay it into an invitation to yours, RSVP have a great time and do the chicken dance, if you still feel creepy about it, take the couple out to dinner or something…but don’t feel like it’s an obligation…it isn’t.
Post # 8
Interesting points! I was leaning that way, but really wasn’t sure how that worked. I honestly don’t even think anyone will notice if we come with all those people!! 😉
Post # 9
This happened to a friend of mine. We knew a girl getting married the same summer as my friend’s wedding. My friend had invited this girl, but she responded that she would not be attending. She did not give any reason for not attending. We reasoned that it was likely that the girl was not planning to invite my friend to her wedding, thus felt uncomfortable attending my friend’s wedding.
The unfortunate thing about the situation was that my friend completely understood why the other girl could not invite her to the wedding. As brides planning our own weddings, we totally GET IT when it comes to guest list complications. My friend was just really hurt that the other girl did not give any reason for not attending her wedding. She invited this friend because she wanted to share that special day with her, even if the other girl could not reciprocate an invite.
So – I guess my point is that if you can afford to go, go to your friend’s wedding. I’m sure she will actually understand if you can be up-front with her and explain why you can’t invite her to to your own wedding. Maybe you could put her on a back-up list if other guests can’t come?
Post # 10
i agree with PPs mostly. in general i think people invite you to their weddings because they want you there, not because they want to be invited to yours… BUT i think it works the opposite way too. i know invites are NOT tit-for-tat but i had a couple on my list because i was told we would be invited to their wedding. i thought it would be awkward since our weddings are relatively close together. we didnt end up getting an invite to theirs and i was really happy because it meant i could take them off ours.