Post # 1
So my husband has just received a wedding invite from a friend who he went to school. They’re not extremely closed but they’re in the same group of friends from school. This group has a whatssap group chat where they all keep in touch with messages.
We are aware of the friend’s wedding timeline in mid June but have not received an official invite till now. Other friends in this group had been invited much earlier than us. My husband knows this as there were some messages from other friends that they have received the invite and will shortly rsvp. I think this happened 2 months ago.
My husband was mildly upset about this that he didn’t receive an invite that time. But he quickly reasoned that he’s not that closed to that friend and maybe that’s why he wasn’t invited. Plus we already rsvp to my coworker’s wedding on June 24 and we thought that we wouldn’t be able to attend his wedding anyway if it happens on the same weekend. At that point we still did not know the exact date of the friend’s wedding.
now my husband received the invite yesterday through text for link to the couple wedding website to rsvp. Weddding is on June 16. I checked the couple’s website and it says to rrsp by May 10. We received the invite yesterday on May 17. I don’t know what to think about this. I feel like we were invited last minute because the couple didn’t have enough rsvp? I mean I got the invite from my coworker’s wedding on June 24 like more than 2 months ago.
My husband and I feel quite offended. Are we missing something?
Post # 2
Could it have been lost in the post? If so you’d have thought they’d have chased up your rsvp’d by now though…
I’d get him to message the friend separately and just say, “hi we just got your wedding invite but the rsvp’d date is X?”
No accusations or direct questions but his response should tell you more. Are you free on the date? if so and you want to go then go for it. If you feel put out then you don’t have to attend
Post # 3
Depending on the postmark, it was either lost in the mail or you were b-listed. The early rvsp date probably points to b-list since most caterers don’t need final numbers until 3-7 days before.
It is a shitty feeling and why b-listing is not recommended. Either you want to go or you don’t though. You can decide if you feel slighted enough to let this be a dealbreaker, but I would leave that to your husband since it is his friend.
Post # 4
We invited a few people that were on our “b-list” as people are calling it. Honestly I don’t see the big deal. For anyone who has planned a wedding you know how stressful it can be to make a guest list and sometimes you just can’t include everyone you would like to. I have been invited last minute to a couple weddings and didn’t mind. I mean they still want you there but maybe they can’t afford to have that large of a wedding and Aunt sally can’t come so boom you get an invite.
You even said yourself that your husband is not that good of friends with the couple and thought it was acceptable to not be invited at all so why are you now offended that you weren’t on the “a-list”.
Post # 5
It sounds like you were B listed but I don’t think you should feel offended. Your husband accepts that he wasn’t the closest to the couple and it sounds like they wanted to invited you originally but the numbers just didn’t work out.
We’re all here because we’re planning or have just planned a wedding and should understand that you have to stop the guest list at a certain number and sometimes we can’t include some of the people we want to invite in favour of the people we feel we need to invite.
Any invite is exactly that, an invitation not a summons, if you’re free and you want to support the couple then RSVP yes, otherwise move on.
Post # 6
mrsl3un9 : Since your husband didn’t receive an actual invite and only received a text of an invite you can guarantee that you are B list seat fillers.
The way I see B lists are that I don’t expect to be invited to anyones wedding so I am not offended if I don’t make the invite list but when the only reason you are inviting me is because your first choice guests can’t make it then I really do not need a invite and to me it is just a gift grab.
Post # 7
You were B-listed. This is why I always tell Bees on here that B-Lists are rude and hurtful. If I were you, I’d feel like a seat-filler and not that I was truly wanted there, and I would decline the invitation. Most likely, I’d send a car with my best wishes, but that’s it.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be offended – they still want you to come, but maybe they have a large family or the venue only could hold so many, or they had a particular budget they had to stick to. I know it sucks to feel B-Listed, but if you’re not super close anyways, I wouldn’t be offended. You can go if you feel like celebrating with them, but I wouldn’t hold a grudge or hold it against them. It’s really tricky managing the guest list.
Post # 9
If I were B-listed, I’d either decline or show up with a $25 gift and drink $50 worth of alcohol.
Post # 10
I had no idea people had such strong feeling on being on a ‘B-list’. My FIs family is huge so we had some friends that we coudln’t invite untill we had some declines from some poeple. It wasn’t a “gift grab’ as a privious poster suggested and I find that offensive. It was more like we thought it would be really fun to have you there and are so glad we are now able to invite you. All the poeple that we invited that where on the ‘b-list’ were all very excited to be invited and accepted…but I guess they are just reasonable people.
Post # 11
I had a lot of people “beg” to be on my b-list… I mean wedding are expensive and its hard to cut down guest lists. Sometimes family comittments make inviting friends impossible, sometimes you just have to invite old aunt gertrude that you haven’t seen in 25 years and pretty much know she won’t come but your mom forces you to invite her anyways.
IMO I rather be B-listed and get an invite in the end (though I probably wouldn’t go far out of my way to attend just because by nature of being in that position I am probably not super BFF with the couple) then either have a couple over-invite and end up in some annex room because everyone won’t fit in the venue or not getting invited at all – If I felt that someone was a BFF and I got B-listed (and it wasnt some specific situation like the only invited 2 family members each) then I might feel bad just becuase I would realize we had un-equal friendship expectations but I don’t think I would feel bad about the wedding invite
Post # 12
kris1122 : If I were B-listed, I’d either decline or show up with a $25 gift and drink $50 worth of alcohol.
So there wasn’t any more people you wanted to include in your wedding but couldn’t for various reasons?
Post # 13
I don’t really understand why people get so outraged about being B-listed. We didn’t do a B-list, but we actually had a couple people who we didn’t invite straight up tell us, “if you have enough declines and have space we’d love to come!” – so we did end up including them and it was lovely. I love that attitude!
Yeah perhaps B listing is a little tacky, but at the end of the day the couple is still extending an invite. There are certain friends I have that I’m not super close to and I know when they get married they will probably debate whether to invite me or not…we all have these debates when planning a wedding! If I received an invitation late in the game for one of those people I’d be like, yep, I was B listed, but nice that they still want me to come! Idk just doesn’t seem like something to get that worked up about to me (unless you’re B-listed by like your bff or brother or something, that would hurt…but if it’s someone whose wedding you wouldn’t automatically have expected to be invited to anyway, what is the big deal?).
Post # 14
what is this A List B List thing? Either you want people at your wedding or you don’t. RUDE.
Post # 15
merrymargaret : What if you can’t afford to have all of the poeple that you want to have there? Once some spots were available you would just not fill them with people you really watned to invite but didn’t have room for perviously?
Some people need to loosen up a little…