Wedding invite received after RSVP deadline

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

tiffanybruiser :  Did you even read past the first line, maybe to my ACTUAL COMMENT and not the quoted comment from the post I was replying to?

Post # 32
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it is so funny that people assume this is gift grabby…. I don’t know how much your wedding cost or what your guest gave but I can tell you for 100% sure except for 2 couples (and our parents) absolutely NO ONE gave us anywhere close to the $500/pp our wedding ended up costing us so to be honest even if they were very generous (which I think that $250/ couple which was about the average gift) they didn’t even “pay” for one plate never mind two (nor did I expect them to or ask them to or ever in my wildest dreams think they would – I had the wedding I wanted and I could afford…and for the record the only B list was dates for 2 single people that wanted to bring someone and I said if there was room which there was)

 

I would venture to guess that the number of people who MAKE money off of throwing a wedding (from gifts) is pretty slim in this day an age

Post # 33
Member
7717 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

whnlz :  My bad – I meant to reply to jellybellynelly! I will amend my post. 

Post # 34
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We were “B-Listed” a few years back, we didn’t go. I found it rude that our entire circle of friends were invited months before, and we were invited a couple of weeks before. They were getting married  several hours away, it required a ferry ride and a hotel stay, and my kids were “discouraged” from coming. So basically we had a couple of weeks to find a hotel room and a babysitter for my infant and special needs son for the weekend (this is neither cheap or easy). Yeah, no thanks.

Post # 35
Member
4820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

mrsl3un9 :  I’d check the postmark to see if the delivery of your invitation appears to have been delayed.

If not, I’d decline.  Having a B list is bad enough – but not being aware that you are making that fact obvious by sending the invitation after the RSVP date is, to me anyway, deeply offensive.

 

Post # 36
Member
7022 posts
Busy Beekeeper

whnlz :   tiffanybruiser :  I said generally, not 100% of the time haha.

And there are generally minimums to meet. So yes, if your minimum is 100 people, and you get 10 declines, instead of upgrading the food and drink for the rest of people and you invite 10 extra – thats seat fillers.

Post # 37
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

You may not have been B-listed if the guy is anything like my fiance.  My fiance procrastinated to get addresses for a few of his friends, and they are just now getting an invite a full week after the RSVP deadline. 

I don’t take umbrage with B-listing, but it does require skill and finesse to pull it off without people knowing they were B-listed.  It’s like regifting.  I would say most people think regifting is fine, but there are rules to it.  

Post # 38
Member
2746 posts
Sugar bee

It’s pretty cynical for people to call b-listing strictly gift grabbing/seat filling. I don’t intend to do it myself, but there were a lot of people that I would have liked to invite that I couldn’t, even though our guest list is at 150! My Fiance and i both have giant families and friend groups so there had to be a limit.

There are even some people where it’s like, I’d rather have my really fun friend of a friend there, but I had to invite my really mean aunt because obviously you have to invite all of the aunts. 

Post # 39
Member
7717 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

jellybellynelly :  I mean…there are often minimums, but not every wedding that has declines is at risk of not making their minimum. For example…I got married 2 weeks ago and we had a much higher decline rate than we expected, yet still more than exceeded our minimum…that was never a concern. We didn’t do a B list, but we did invite a couple people a few weeks before the wedding who weren’t on our original list because they specifically told us they’d love to come if there was room. We would have saved money by not inviting them because we were paying by the head…but we wanted them there.

I don’t think there’s any “generally” about it with regard to people who do a B list being greedy and rude. While I would never have done one due to fear of people taking it the wrong way, assuming that people who choose to have a B-list “generally” have bad intentions is really cynical.

Post # 40
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Vineyard on Long Island

I mean, it is kinda upsetting to know you didn’t make a couples first cut, but they’d still like a check from you anyways now that people have declined…

Post # 41
Member
7022 posts
Busy Beekeeper

FutureMrsCoolWine :  Exactly.

Also, you are only paying for 1 plate, yet inviting 2 or 3 people to fill that plate. Thats 2-3 gifts to “pay” for 1 plate. Thats how it is gift grabby. Some people might be spending more than 2x their avg gift, but most aren’t. Even if your plate is $500 (as someone above said), that person declines, will probably still send a gift. Now you invite someone else, bam, another gift.

Post # 42
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

littlemisshostess :  sometimes you just have to invite old aunt gertrude that you haven’t seen in 25 years and pretty much know she won’t come but your mom forces you to invite her anyways.

My mom did this to me and EVERYONE that has RSVPed from that list is coming :o/

Post # 43
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with the Bees here.  They were hearing back from A-list people that they could not attend so, to fill up chairs, they went to their B-list and invited you guys. 

You’ve already RSVPed your coworkers A-list invite and I would go to that.  The “friend” is just using you guys to fill up chairs.  Not nice at all.

Post # 44
Member
9282 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Khatleesi :  i think it depends how “B listers” are handled too. 

we had one couple (my husbands cousins) that didn’t make the 80 person limit i gave him.  i overheard a conversation between him and someone else completely unrealated to the wedding , on how important they were to him growing up.  i asked him why they weren’t invited.  he said he had a number and other people were ahead of them.  i said he could add them.  he called them, explained the situation, we sent an invite.  they were extremely happy to attend.  it was a few weeks before the wedding.

but in this situation, sending a text of the wedding invite clearly after the deadline has passed makes you feel not so great.

Post # 45
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Lol 🙄 “i’ll invite you so I can get a check from you”. No minimum at my venue. Any extra couple we invite would cost us an extra $250 and I doubt they will be gifting us that much. My FI’s mother gave us a guest list of over 100 family. And that’s just his side. My family #s are around 70 of first relatives. So yea, there are ALOT of friends we just can’t invite because of cost.

IF we so-called “b-listed,” anyone invited would be because we really want them there and wish we could have invited them to begin with. Sorry people there are no rules to this stuff–just your choice whether you want to take it negatively or view life with more openness and optimism. 

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