(Closed) wedding invite — what to do?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: what to do?
    Assume FI (hubby at the time of the wedding) is invited and RSVP for two : (5 votes)
    56 %
    Decline because invitation wasn't addressed to both of us : (4 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    He is not invited. Only you are invited. Choose as you will.

    Post # 4
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Assuming you’d like to go and feel close enough to this male friend to do this, I’d call him and politely ask him if you can bring your husband.  It could have been a complete oversight on their part or something and he may say he’d be happy for you both to come.  Just be prepared that if he says no (even though I think that is totally awful to invite someone and not there spouse), you’ll have to decide if you want to go alone or not at all.

    Post # 5
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I don’t understand “declinging BECAUSE it was not sent to both of you” That is not a reason to decline. Declining because you aren’t interested in going without him is a reason, but because he was not invited…that doesn’t make sense.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1897 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Yeah, I would agree that it’s clear your Fiance isn’t invited.  I wouldn’t call to double check, because well, it’s already pretty clear.

     

    I would either go alone, or not go at all.  Did you invite this friend’s SO to your wedding?

    Post # 7
    Member
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    You could email your friend to confirm that it is only you who is invited and not your husband.  It could have been an oversight.

    For example, when my fiance gave me his guest list, I went through it myself.  He had half of his aunts and uncles names wrong, and did not accurately find out who needed a +1.  And this is from a guy who has all the time in the world right now (on vacation between med school and residency), and is very, very bright.  Sigh.  But if I took his list at his word, something like this would have happened.

    So, especially considering that you’re a guest on the groom’s side, and you know how boys are, I would just email to confirm it’s only you.  I wouldn’t mind if any of my guests contacted me in a non-pushy way to confirm who is and is not invited.  Maybe say that you understand how hard it is to keep a guest list in check (so you’re acknowledging the issue, acknowledging her side of the issue, and giving her an easy out) and just want to confirm.  Then make your decision.

    Post # 8
    Member
    762 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Call and ask. I was just having this discussion with my friend who is also getting married. She is allowing guests but didn’t put plus guest on the invites. I told her to call those guests and let them know! Some people are just not aware of wedding etiquette.

    Post # 9
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would ask. Though the standard “rules” say Fiance isn’t invited, many people don’t know the rules. Just ask politely, not like you’re fishing or worse, demanding an invite for Fiance.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Depending on your situation, I would probably call.  This happened to us before we were even engaged.  The invite was only addressed to him and so I figured they were just trying to keep it small and said he could call and ask if he wanted to but he spaced it.  He wound up calling me from the reception saying everyone was harassing him for not bringing me.  Apparently my invitation was just implied with his.  I guess it depends on your social circle.  I would just be polite about it and be sure to say I totally understand if they’re trying to keep it small. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think it could be an oversight.  Wedding etiquette is complicated, and your friend could think that your husband is implied, but he also could be inviting only you.  I would check, but phrase it as “the invite is for just me, not me and my husband right?” rather than “can I bring my husband?” because I think it’s more comfortable to assume the most awkward situation.  It’s easier for the host to say “yes, that’s correct, it’s just for you” then say “um, ah, well, we’re trying to keep it small, so we weren’t planning on including spouses…”  I hope it is an oversight, because while not giving everyone a +1 is totally understandable, I think not inviting spouses is a little disrespectful.  That being said, making the couple feel like you’re pressuring them into adding someone to the guest list isn’t polite either, and rsvp-ing for more people then you _know_ are invited is rude, too.  All in all a tricky situation, so I’d just carefully, without any pressure, make sure this isn’t a mistake, and then accept or decline from there.

    Post # 12
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee

    I didn’t vote. But I vote for calling/emailing and very politely confirming who is invited. If it really is only you, well you’ll have to make that decision.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I didn’t vote, but I would call and ask.  It’s very possible that it was an oversight.  I had it happen to me recently- Fiance was invited to a wedding and my name wasn’t on it, even though we are getting married the day AFTER this couple, in the same city, with some of the same bridal party members…. the B&G felt terrible about the oversight when we asked. 

    So I would just say, it’s doesn’t hurt to ask in order to make a well-informed decision.  🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Since you’re a guest of the groom (and the bride is probably the one doing the invitations based on his probably criptic invite list), I’d call and ask for clarification. It’s definitely better than sending an RSVP along and adding a +1 or assuming.

    If their wedding is after yours (August 9?) they are sending invitations mighty early too!

    The topic ‘wedding invite — what to do?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors