Post # 1
…my Maid of Honor will NOT buy her dress (or acknowledge my existence in any way)? She called me a couple weeks ago to apologize for not being a good friend lately and that she was going to do better and unfortunately. She’s had a lot going on and she’s not one of those people who can function when stressed. In that same conversation, I asked if she was ready to buy her dress and she told me to chill because it’s not that serious and it’s not something we need to worry about right now. Hello! You have to order it, then it has to be made, then it has to be shipped, then it most likely has to be altered. And my wedding is in 12 weeks! I am so utterly frustrated about this. I realize that people’s lives do not stop because I’m getting married, but I’m not asking ANYTHING other than she buy a stupid dress. I even decided I would pay for it myself because she was complaining about not wanting to spend more than $30 for a dress. I would never dream of asking her to step down, but she has been more a cause of stress than a support system for me. I’m at my wit’s end with this.
Post # 3
I would be frustrated too. I would give her a deadline on when to buy the dress. If she still hasn’t and since you’re offering to pay for the dress, then you should just order it Yourself. Then maybe just have her pay for the alterations.
Post # 4
This is the one who can’t dress herself, right? I would just buy her a dress. Ask her size or her measurements, and say, “Hey Gloria, since you’ve had so much trouble picking something out, I’m going to buy you a dress. You can pay me back when I see you. Thanks.” Maybe that will be a needed kick in her butt…
Post # 5
@Overjoyed: You’re not wrong for wanting to freak out. I know I would!
If your wedding is in 12 weeks, she needs to order her dress like last week. Most bridesmaid dresses take at least 12 weeks to arrive (or at least that’s the amount of time most places/designers quote). Even assuming she wouldn’t need alterations (and most people need at least a little tweaking), that’s cutting it way too close.
You don’t sound like a bridezilla or anything to me. I mean, you acknowledge the fact that other people have lives and responsibilities outside of your wedding and it sounds as though her behavior has been so terrible that she recognized it and felt the need to apologize … So it’s not like you’re acting like a tyrant or something. It’s totally normal to be upset and stressed about this!
The only thing I can suggest here is ordering the dress yourself (provided you can reach her to get her measurements) and put a rush on it. You said you’re planning to pay for it anyway, so that seems like the most logical thing to do at this point. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that she can at least give you her measurements soon (like today or tomorrow!).
I hope things get better for you!
Post # 6
Unfortunately this is a very similar situation I was in. I originally had 2 MOHs. The 2nd Maid/Matron of Honor, which was supposed to have been my BFF, was never there for me (didn’t show up to the Bridesmaid or Best Man appt or bridal shower–simply said she forgot) ended up dropping out of the wedding thru a FB message… REALLY?? I wouldn’t waste your money and buy the dress for her because it seems like she may be a no-show. How long has she known she was going to be in this wedding?
Post # 7
My Maid/Matron of Honor is being the same except my wedding is in 57 days, and my Maid/Matron of Honor is m sister.
Post # 8
Are you requiring her to buy a dress from a bridal store? If not, then you don’t need 12 weeks to buy a dress. Apparently these days people are buying dresses off the rack, letting folks where whatever… if you’re one of those people
then so long as she has a dress by your wedding day then you’re good to go.
If she’s supposed to order a dress, then you may want to figure out what the bridal store’s drop dead date is
Post # 9
Wow, I would be really upset too! She doesn’t want to pay more than $30 for a dress?? I guess if you’re not buying a traditional bridesmaid dress that’s doable, but that’s totally unrealistic for a ‘normal’ bridesmaid dress. To me, when you agree to be a bridesmaid you also understand that you’re taking on a commitment, and part of that is a monetary commitment. I totally agree with you that not everyone thinks your wedding is as important as you do, but as your friend she should be understanding that this is a huge cause of stress for you. Unfortunately I was thinking the same thing lindseyl06 said – maybe buying the dress for her isn’t the best option. Do you think this might be her way of trying to get out of being in the wedding? I hate to even say that, but maybe she doesn’t have the guts to come out and say that and this is how she’s going about it?
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site
Sounds like one of my bridesmaids. :/
My wedding is exactly one week after yours. The local girls and I all went shopping around here (well, 2 hours away) and settled on the David’s Bridal dresses that they didn’t like as much but they were cheaper to accomodate the unresponsive Bridesmaid or Best Man who didn’t want to spend a lot on the dress. Fair enough, she has to fly in from across the country (she is staying with us, though). I’ve been pushing the issue since FEBRUARY when the rest of us went dress shopping. She must have told me 5 or 6 times that she was going that afternoon, or that weekend, or that day after work, then it was an excuse about losing weight (which I also understand, who wants to buy a dress that will end up 3 sizes too big)
Anyway, I stopped asking about it a couple of months ago. She know the wedding date, I have given a zillion deadlines and included all the girls in the conversations (which, thanks to facebook, I know she has seen even though she has not responded to) talking about everything. Anyway, if she doesn’t have a dress from that place in the right colour, she’s not walking down the aisle, that’s all. I’m not going to stress more about it.
Post # 11
It sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is full of attitude. She’s being ridiculous.
It sounds like she has no interest in this wedding, if she refuses to order it I would tell her she can come to the wedding as a guest.
Post # 12
my wedding is a week after yours and i have one girl who hasnt ordered yet either! my nerves are shot!
Post # 13
YIKES. I would be FREAKING OUT.
Maybe you could tell her that you called the shop and they INSISTED she order it right away to avoid rush shipment charges (although they might be forced to charge her rush shipment anyway at this point).
Just focus on the fact that you’re trying to save her money – rush charges can be up to $60 I think. Maybe if that’s a factor she’ll step up!!
PS: date twins (I’m freaking out) lol
Post # 14
FYI: still nothing. She hasn’t answered my call or emails. The deadline to order has passed. It’s a Destination Wedding and I know she’s already bought her ticket so I’d be confused if she was using this dress thing as a way to bail on me. I’m pretty sure that’s not what’s happening here. More likely, she continues to see my calls and emails and ignores them because she simply can’t be bothered (and feels justified in doing so because she is apparently the only person in the world with a demanding job). I’m moving forward with my plans and taking care not to assign anything to her.
My main problem right now is that I’m sure she’ll be there for me AT the actual wedding (she’s an outta sight/outta mind kind of person), but the disregard she’s showing me right now is very hurtful. And I’m afraid I won’t be able to put it behind me if she shows up to the rehearsal dinner all gung-ho like “hey, what do you need me to do?” I’ve already decided that I’m not going to have her go down the aisle before me or stand at the altar.
Post # 15
If she bought a ticket, I would assume that she plans to go to the wedding. She might be having money problems. So although it would pain me to buy the dress, I would buy just for my own sanity.
Post # 16
@lina010: I have no clue what her dress size is. And we don’t live in the same country, so if I buy it and have it shipped to me, we will be stuck trying to get it altered in the Destination Wedding location (hella risky). Alternatively I can have it shipped to her, which given her current inability to give a crap about my wedding, I can also assume that she will fail to have the needed alterations and see nothing wrong with showing up in a baggy bridesmaid dress like “what? This is the dress you sent me right? alterations? for what?” THIS is why I asked her to get measured and order her dress from a custom shop online. I could guess at her size (I suck at doing this FYI) but I don’t actually see that being a beneficial course of action.
It’s cool though. She just…won’t walk the aisle. She can be seated with everyone else. In which case, she will be free to wear whatever she would like.
ETA: while it could be true that’s she’s having money problems (unlikely but not impossible), that would only excuse her not wanting to buy a dress. It would not even begin to address the way she has ignored and avoided me throughout my engagement. Things are shaping up that I’ll have absolutely no support whatsoever on my wedding day.