(Closed) Wedding is a month out– can I invite someone?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 3
3352 posts
Sugar bee

I think it depends on the friend – I’m the type of person that if a friend called me up a month before the wedding and say “Hey, we had to invite a ton of family but now they aren’t coming – we’d love to see you!” – I’d be fine and happily go. But I’m weird like that. I didn’t realize how many B and C list wedding invites I received in the past until I got on the Weddingbee.

Post # 4
399 posts
Helper bee

Prepare to get blasted by those who dont like B lists, but I did it (I think I actually invited a few people slightly less than 4 weeks prior). I think we added 10 people on and 8 of them are coming, so must not have bothered them. I had space limits, and people generally understand that family is a first priority at weddings.

Post # 5
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

SLOBee :  this +1! 

Depends on your friendship. My Fiance invited two of his male buddies a month after initial invites went out because we had all our grandparents and my aunts decline so we had space and he suddenly regretted not inviting them. He spoke with them both and was honest and both expressed genuine excitement about being able to make it, and said they were glad we had cancellations and that they couldn’t wait. I have also been b-listed a few times (I could tell because no save the date and a very last minute invite) and in each case I just was happy to be invited. But I do have some friends that I know would be SO MAD if they got b list invited… 

Post # 6
3611 posts
Sugar bee

The last time we were supposed to meet, I had to cancel at the last minute and I think she was a little annoyed. We haven’t spoken since.

This tells me all I need to know — no, you shouldn’t do this. Unless you have a pattern of cancelling on her at the last minute, the fact that she didn’t speak to you for a year over a last-minute cancellation shows that she takes things hard and would probably react negatively to what is clearly a last-minute invitation. Alternatively, you’re just not that close, and I think it’s a little strange to invite people you barely speak to anymore.

Post # 7
47206 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

steckarrr :  If you haven’t spoken to her in a year, what makes you want to invite her to your wedding?

Post # 8
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I disagree with some PPs; I don’t think the most important friends are necessarily the ones who live closest to you and see you the most. Someone you haven’t spoken to in a year can still be important enough to merit an invite.

Seven years after moving away from my hometown area, I’ve found that other people who also moved away are generally happy to maintain friendships even if we only manage to see each other once a year or less, while people who have always lived in the same area are quicker to forget about more distant friends.

Post # 9
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Why would you want to invite her at this point is my question? Do you just want higher numbers? If you really really wanted to invite her you would have done so already. To invite her and then explain to her why you didn’t invite her initially is an extreme insult.

Post # 13
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I just got an invitation last night for a wedding on August 13th…yep in 5 days..LOL I said no right away…if I wasn’t important enough to invite when you send your invites out originally, then how am I supposed to find your wedding important enough to go to? Harsh, but true!

Post # 14
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I would probably advise against B list invites for the most part because it’s too likely that the person will be offended or hurt. It can easily be interpreted as rude, despite the best of intentions.

However, it definitely depends on the friend. You take a risk by doing it, but absolutely there are some people who would totally understand why they weren’t invited and would be happy to attend (or would just decline with no hard feelings if they couldn’t).

As an example, my SO actually just got a B list invite today. It’s an old friend of his from High School (he’s 29 now), and they reconnected at their 10th year reunion last year but don’t talk much. He just sent a text to my SO and his friend (both part of the same friend group from High School, they played Halo together a lot which will be relevant in a second lol):

“Hey fellas – Sorry this is so last minute, but “Sarah” just gave me the go-ahead to invite my “Halo friends” (as she says) to our wedding and I was hoping to extend you two an invite. No pressure of course, since it is only a month away, but all the details and the RSVP are online at http://www.weddingwebsite.com. Feel free to bring a guest as well, just indicate so on the RSVP. Let me know if you have any questions and hope to see you there. Cheers,”

I thought for a second about whether I should be offended on behalf of my SO (because he wouldn’t even have a thought of caring that it was B list, he just is never offended by anything lol), but then I realized that if I have to think about whether I SHOULD be offended by something it means I’m not offended lol.

Anyway, he was upfront and admitted that basically this was a B list invite, without using those words. He made it clear that he truly wanted them to come. Plus it’s just understandable that they couldn’t invite everyone they wanted to invite and so had to wait until declines came in. And my SO and his friend aren’t close to this guy anymore, so they wouldn’t have expected an invite in the first place.

We are going actually, even though it’s about a 5 hour drive away, because it will be nice to celebrate my SO’s old friend’s marriage.

Anyway, just trying to offer the perspective of someone who wasn’t at all offended/hurt by a B list invite, since you’ve already invited her. Hopefully she won’t be offended/hurt by the last minute invite.

Post # 15
2185 posts
Buzzing bee

steckarrr :  “In the end, I felt like I would regret not inviting her more than I feared offending her.”

I love that you said this. Ettiquette has a place (and I’d say a big one), but sometimes it doesn’t matter.

FWIW, I was pretty anti-B list with our wedding. We ultimately wanted a smaller wedding, so we didn’t want to extend “empty” spots to anyone. But, Darling Husband had a coworker who he had grown close to over the course of our engagement and we agreed, about 3 weeks before the wedding, to invite him. I think my husband handed him an invitation at the office. It was immensely informal and no one was upset.

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