Post # 1
I am my friend’s bridesmaid and I have found myself caught up in a lot of drama. Background – bride is my friend from college and groom is my cousin; I introduced the two of them which is why I was made a bridesmaid. I’m not super close with the bride but do consider her a friend.
Recently, I have had a number of guests complain to me about the bride. One of the biggest gripes has been the registry. She only registered at one place (Bloomingdales) and everything she registred for is pretty expensive (over $180). A few of the guests (mutual friends and acquaintences in the same social circle) have emailed or called me, complainig about how pricey everything is on the registry. To faciliate, I reached out to the bride and asked her if she could add some more affordable options since budgets are tight for everyone nowadays (and there are a number of people unemployed). She said she did not to add any extra items, particularly cheaper items and that her guests should just get her she wants or giftcards. This kind of left me in an awkward position but I relayed the message back to everyone else. Because of this and other reasons, some of the guests have relayed to me that they might not attend the wedding because (a) they can’t afford to with all the traveling and gift costs and more importantly because (b) the bride is turning into an absolute nightmare and they don’t feel like celebrating with her anymore. The thing is, we all knew the bride had potential to be a nightmare – she’s this tiny little girl (5"2) but full of personality and opinions.
Now the bride is asking me why people have not sent in their response cards or responded to her emails. I’ve told all parties involved to communicate directly without using me as a mediator but everyone continues to use me as the go-between. I have my own gripes with the bride so all this other drama certianly is not helping.
Post # 3
Sorry about the drama. I would hold my ground and not be the go between. You tried to help the bride and the guests out with your suggestions and she didn’t listen to your advice.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
What a messy situation to be in. I agree with IA Snowflake; try to stick to not being the go-between… that’s a job that never did anyone any good.
Post # 5
I’m definitely trying! It’s been getting ugly especially the last couple of days; bride is saying how she is so disappointed in everyone and how apalled how she is that no one can’t take time off or is willing to spend money when she is dishing out all this money for the wedding. Guests/our friends are fed up and saying that it’s a little ridiculous to expect an unemployed person to spend $200 on a crystal picture frame, plus $300 or whatever it costs to rent a tux. I’ve been bridesmaids several times and never have I come across such drama like this.
Post # 6
Maybe you could suggest some of the guests could purchase gifts together?
Yeah, it’s bad that all of her registry items are really expensive but I wouldn’t let that stop me from going to a friends wedding. If I wasn’t comfortable with the prices I’d just get them a gift card or cash.
Post # 7
What an awkward situation to be in the middle of! My only suggestion is to put your foot down– it is not your job to be the go-between. Make this clear to people with NO exceptions. As for the bride… it sounds like you have handled her pretty well thus far. Maybe you could suggest that she get the groom involved in following up with guests.
Post # 8
For those still planning on going to the wedding…nothing says that they have to buy gifts for the couple off the registry, or even at all. A wedding is not about getting loot. We invite guests because we want to share the day with them. Sorry I’m just frustrated by this bride…
Post # 9
I know this is mean, but I’m imagining the bride a Jabba The Hut from Star Wars
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Weddings seem to either pull people closer together or push people very far apart. I would just tell guests who can’t afford the gifts to gift cash or nothing at all if it’s a huge burden due to the economy.
Although I can’t believe they are complaining to you about it! I would just give her a gift that I could afford – even if it was something from Target for $20!
Post # 10
Sorry to hear your dealing with this. I would tell the guests that can’t afford gifts that they don’t have to get her something off the registry. That the registry is just a way to let others know what you would like or need. If she doens’t like what they give her then it is her problem to return the items not theirs.
As for you being in the middle I recently was the Maid/Matron of Honor in my brother’s wedding and I encountered that several times. It is hard to not comment or not get caught up in the drama but you have to stay netural. She will be family before too long and you’ll have to deal with her more later. So stay nice and don’t bad mouth to others. When I had someone complaining to me I would change the subject to something unwedding related.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the support. If it weren’t a family wedding, I probably would have dropped out a long time ago. It probably is partially my fault for accepting the responsibility of bridesmaid but I never imagined things could be this bad. All my past bridesmaid experiences were fun and I truly thought of it as an honor and I think my relationships with the past brides probably got stronger. But with this one, I honestly don’t see a beautiful relationship blossoming. If she weren’t marrying my cousin, I probably would not see her again. Thanks again for letting me vent!!!!
Post # 12
I have yet to purchase anything from a registry for any occassion, be it a baby shower or wedding. I haven’t a clue why people feel obligated to buy from a registry. I would simply tell guests they do not have to get the gift from the registry and they should give what they feel comfortable giving. Unless the person receiving the gift was extrremely close, there is no way I would spend $180 on a gift. My standard wedding gift is $50.
Post # 13
Ugh. What a messy situation!
I would tell the bride straight up why people haven’t sent in their response cards. And I would let guests know that they don’t HAVE to buy off the registry and that, if they want, they can bring cash/cheque or a giftcard.
That said, I think the bride is being extremely inconsiderate about this whole thing.
It sucks to be the go-between. I hope you get out of that situation soon!
Post # 14
I’m guessing this bride isn’t too affected by our terrible economy these days with the layoffs and uncertainty all around? Perhaps she should be reminded of that, find an article or a particularly poignant story about how tough it is for so many people right now and just email it to her or point it out to her, even a comment of "How wonderful to be marrying and having a joyful day at a time when so many things are so tough". Perhaps that will get through to her?
Sounds like she’s being super difficult. I agree that you shouldn’t be in the middle. But if you’re feelign it is necessary to mediate, that is where I would go- just point out the obvious and give her some reminders of what a wedding is really all about.