(Closed) Wedding is making me question my religion. Very confused and upset.

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
827 posts
Busy bee

Find a different church, if possible.  Not all churches require the bride and groom walking together.  My cousin got married in a Catholic church less than a year ago and was escorted by her father.  

ETA:  I cannot for the life of me find the link now, but back when my fiance and I were considering getting married in a Catholic church, one of the church websites said that the bride and groom walking in together was actually the older tradition, and that they encouraged (but did not require) couples to do it that way.  Whether or not that’s accurate, I have no idea.  

Post # 4
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Is it possible to get married in a different Catholic church?  (Parish?  I don’t know the terms).  I’ve been to 5 Catholic weddings in the last couple of years and none of them have done it this way.  Always been the traditional dad walks daughter down the aisle.

Also, I wouldn’t let this be the make or break issue in your religion, but if you are unhappy with the Catholic church for other reasons I would look into Episcopalian churches, they maintain a lot of aspects of Catholicism (as opposed to other protestant churches) but are more socially liberal/allow women to be priests/allow priests to marry etc.  

Post # 5
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was raised catholic and gave it up many years ago. There is just too much about the catholic faith that doesn’t fit with my own morals and ethics, and some of the questions you’re asking are the same ones I had.  

I can only tell you that it is VERY healthy to question your faith from time to time; I don’t agre with those who believe blindly, because that is more like memorization than actual belief or faith.  Give yourself permission to disagree with the church and to question how they do things.

Explore other religions. You should do this always, even when you are 100% satisfied with your religion, because we can only understand and embrace other people if we understand what they believe.  Educate yourself, go to some services at other churches, trust me god will not feel like you are cheating on him.

As for your actual wedding you have to decide what is most important to you. Is it most important that you have a more traditional ceremony, with being given away and marching down the aisle? If so, then you should select another venue (church or otherwise) and not look back, nor question your decision.  

 

 

Post # 6
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi capergrrl,

I must say, what the priest is asking you to do here is not representative of Catholicism, and really does not have anything to do with our religious beliefs. I am a Roman Catholic, was born and raised much the same way as you, was at a time, mostly an “off” involved Catholic, but I realized and regained my faith a few years back.

What the priest is asking from you, is NOT a mandate of the Catholic religion. In fact, he’s more of an outlier or an exception to the rule. I know this for a fact because I just came from two Catholic weddings last February, in the Philippines where most are Roman Catholics, and they did it the way we are used to –

  1. groom waits at the altar, 
  2. bride is the last to come in, 
  3. bride does her walk, 
  4. bride is greeted midway by her parents
  5. they walk together at the altar
  6. parents give their blessing to the couple before stepping aside to their seats.

I’m also planning my very Catholic wedding, and in the church’s orientation, there was no REQUIREMENT for the bride and groom to meet before the ceremony.

I think it is so common and so sad that the actions and opinions of one or a few priests is considered as representative of the whole Catholic religion. I must stress again, that is NOT from the Catholic Religion.

I recommend finding a new parish – priest and/or church. It’s really important that you have a good relationship with the priest who is conducting the ceremony because your wedding is one of the most important events in your life, you need someone who truly cares for you, spiritually and personally.

Btw, may I know what parish has this requirement? Good luck! Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

Post # 7
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

 

I saw something kind of similar. I am used to the tradition of the groom waiting at the front and the bride walking up the aisle with her father, but it was a bit different in the catholic wedding i saw last week (in mexico so i guess there might be cultural differences) went like this

Groom walks up the aisle escorted by both parents

Bride walks up the aisle escorted by both parents/    (i forget where the bridsmaids fitted in, i think it was after the groom but before the bride)

then each set of parents went to a special seat, one set at the front of each side of the church/ and the bride and groom had chairs (and cushions to kneel) in front of the altar and priest. I thought that was lovely as it involved all parents. You could manage it in a way where you didnt see each other before hand if there was a side room you could slip into. Maybe htis could be a compromise?

Post # 8
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I am a wedding coordinator at my church. It is a Roman Catholic church. We do not do this. In fact, much of my coordinator responsibilities at the church center around the timing of everyone down the aisle. Your church is not typical.

Post # 9
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

Going to mass does not make you a catholic, being a catholic does not mean you have to go to mass. Your church does not define who you are and your beliefs. I was born and raised a Catholic, but now I am a muslim by choice, I am marrying a jew, having a secular marriage encorperating elements of both our faiths and more into our vowels. I dont care what Imans say or other Muslims, my Fiance does not give a damn what other people say either – I practice my faith in private and my relationship with god has nothing to do with any one, but me and god! – Don’t stress, do your thing how you wish and join another church. – I know I sound like I am a confused person, but I know what I believe and what is important and that is all I care about.

Post # 11
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow… I’ve never heard of that “requirement.”  I’ve been to more Catholic weddings than I can count and I’ve never seen that done, and my parish is pretty strict. 

I think you have three options. 1) You can find a different parish to get married in. 2) You can get married outside of the church. or 3) Put this aside and do what your priest is asking of you. If your religion is important and special to you, then this shouldn’t be a problem. My church doesn’t allow a unity candle, I’m upset, but I’m still getting married in the church.

The fact that you’re questioning this shows that you really aren’t all that interested in the Catholic church.

Honestly, I think what he’s saying you have to do is a little weird.  I don’t know for sure, but you and your groom greeting guests doesn’t really seem like a religious requirement.

Post # 12
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Disclaimer: I’m not Catholic.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it also against the “rules” for a priest to conduct a Catholic ceremony when one of the parties being married isn’t only not Catholic, but doesn’t even believe in God?

My Fiance was previously married to a Catholic, in a Catholic church.  There was much consternation that the priest wouldn’t marry them as they were already living together prior to the wedding.  A nice “donation” to the church/parish (read: bribe) solved THAT problem…

Post # 13
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would suggest trying to find a different church.  I’d also talk to the bishop for that church–the premarital counselor seems to have a vendetta.  They will not be happy to hear that you are taking your donation money to another dicoese but if they won’t budge on this, you may want to consider it.

And as a personal aside, I’d also suggest removing the line about “moral grounding” for your children in future discussions.  I’m atheist (raised catholic and espicopal) and consider myself a very moral person, even moreso than many religious people because I have no one sitting there telling me what is right and wrong.  I have to work it out on my own and it will be a lifelong endeavor.  Being raised religiously does not make one more inclined to be a moral person and if current events are any indication, the moral grounding you are speaking of can be twisted into distictly not moral directions.  I know your intention was not to offend, I doubt that you would consider your atheist fiance amoral but other atheists may not be not as open minded as I am.  😀

Post # 14
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Here is the deal this new way you speak of… well in my church its where both parents walk the bride down the aisle. guess where my mother will be…. in her seat this s a daddy and me thing. We talked to the priest and since this is not a Large T tradition as they called it in catholic school it can be changed. If your priest still has a stick up his a*se then get another priest to do it. Its him not the church you have this issue with. remember he is a human not a god so sit down with him and express your concerns and thoughts. See if there is some sort of medium you can meet at.

Post # 16
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@capergrrl:  You could have the Eucharist if you wanted though in most couples cases (including ours) we didn’t want that akward part of mass where half the church stood up and the other didn’t. Also A church can no longer refuse marriage if there is a non catholic but they can suggest more intimate counseling on faith… Bottom line Capergrrl, If you are happy that is what matters. It is only a sacrement if you are making a covenant with God to keep and live his word… I’m not sure you need a church or a priest for that though of course the Church says you do.

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