- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I’ll try to keep this short-ish but there will be some background blurbs to help make things co-hesive. I just realized this is NOT short at all… very sorry bee’s.
Bee’s, this has been stressing me out. I was raised catholic, all sacrements ect. and have been off and on involved with the church since high school. Right now it’s ‘off’ involved.
-If a catholic is not married in the church by a priest, they are not considered a catholic in good standing, and can not participate in the mass.
Fiance is an athiest, but has agreed to be married in the church and to raise our children catholic because he believes that kids need a moral grounding and they need to be introduced to something and can make their own decision to continue with a religion when they are old enough.
SO we met with the local priest and did our catholic pre-marriage class. We have a meeting with the priest in a few days to continue the process of getting ready for the ceremony.
THIS is where the issue arises…
Apparently for the last 40 years or so, the catholic church has changed the way they do weddings and requires that the bride and groom to greet their TOGETHER at the door of the church before the ceremony. Once all the guests have arrived and are seated, parents, wedding party and couple just all walk down the row and take their seats. Obviously this isn;t that popular with everyone as I have only seen it done twice in a catholic wedding, and still see it done the ‘old way’ where the bridal party precedes the bride and her father to the head of the church, and guests are greeted and seated by ushers.
One of the reasons the priest says it is now done this was is that it is “not all about the bride”. That it is selfish for the bride to make a spectacle of herself at such a blessed union. I found this kind of offensive. I am a firm believer that we only get a few truly romantic, magical moments in life, and being walked to the alter by your father to marry your husband, and the surprise of not seeing eachother before-hand on your wedding day is one of those moments.
I told my parents about all this, and they were NOT on board with the ‘new way’ of doing this. They are both 1st generation canadians and feel that the traditional way is the right way. My dad was extra upset at the idea of not walking me down the aisle. They have been very dis-enchanted with the catholic church with all the terrible things that have come to light in the past (dont get me wrong, I’m pretty unhappy with the way the church has been conducting itself also), and this is pushing them (and me) farther away from catholicism.
Their suggestion, just have a secular cermony- do it the way you want and dont worry about it… But that means basically giving up the religion I was raised in. Also, it would be adding at least another $1000 to the budget for a location and an officiant.
So really, I’m torn. Am I being selfish if I say that I wont get married in the church if they insist on the ‘new way’ of doing things? It would basically by the straw that broke the camels back. My home church was scandalized when a priest was accused by an alter server of misconduct, the catholic church in the area I live in now is having to sell off all their property to pay for the lawsuits from several local priests who were sued for their own misconduct.
The priest tells me a woman can make her own decision to be married and should not be ‘given away’ by her father, but yet women can’t be a church leader?
So, I dont know what to do, I’m confused by all this. I never thought my wedding would bring up a crisis of faith. I’m actually getting pretty upset writting this.
Fiance also is in the ‘I dont want to see you before the ceremony” boat, By The Way. He has said it’s totally up to me as it’s my religion and he supports whatever I choose to do.
In my mind, if I dont have the sacrement of marriage in the catholic church, I am choosing to no longer be a catholic.
I’m not sure anyone can offer advice on this, but thanks for reading anyways.