(Closed) …wedding is not about you, but the marriage is…

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I totally agree with the advice your friend and your dad gave you. And I really like what your dad said about marriage being a formality. I already feel married to my fiance. The wedding is just a day to show our family and friends we are ready.

Only advice I’ve gotten so far is to not stress about the details!

Post # 4
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

My grandmother had a very simple wedding in her brother’s house, and whenever I stress about how we’re going to be able to afford this, she always says,

"In the end, all that matters is that you’re married. People who go to the courthouse are just as married as people who have huge weddings. Do whatever you want, as long as you’re ready"

That makes me feel so much better. Everyone else in the family frowns every time I joke about eloping to Vegas. But her opinion is really the most important one to me!

Post # 5
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

It is great advice.  It is hard to remember that though.  Especially for us girls who have our dream wedding planned from a really  young age:)  This was a great posting for me.  We aren’t goin gto get to ahve a wedding because of medical costs so I have been having a really hard time with that.  I am still really sad don’t get me wrong, but this helps to remind us a wedding doesn’t equal a succesfull marriage:)

  Congrats and hope your marriage is blessed:)

Post # 7
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i would go beyond that and say that your committment to each other is what’s important. some people aren’t granted the privledge of marriage, but it does not make them any less committed than someone who’s been married for, say, 20 years. i have my philosophy on marriage and as committed as my Fiance and i are to each other, unfortunately, we live in a state that doesn’t recognize partnerships. and, yes, i like to think of us as equal partners. so, in spite of the many years that we’ve spent together as a committed couple, we have built up a lifestyle that may damage us if we don’t have that "piece of paper." so, as unromantic as it may seem, we are (finally) getting married for all of the privledges that married couples are granted, which, unfortunately are not granted to ALL human beings. and, while we’re at it, i figured i may as well have fun planning it.

Post # 8
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

While I do agree with the statement in that the marriage is the most important thing, I do believe the wedding SHOULD be about you and your Fiance, about your public committment to each other and it should symbolize the first step in your marriage together. I hate when people step in and ruin that experience for you, though, be it parents or other people. They shouldn’t rain on your parade, and you shouldn’t lose sight of the big picture. 

I like what ladybuglove said, in that it’s the committment that matters b/c not everyone is allowed the privilege of marriage. And in some countries, marriage is forced and not a choice based on love. 

Post # 10
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

  I agree a good wedding does not ensure a happy/long marriage. There have been several things that have come up during my planning that have made me all the more sure that my Fiance & are perfectly suited for one another. The actual wedding is important to me as I have day dreamed about it for so long but ultimately knowing my Fiance & I are happy with the choices we are making together for our life is most important to me.

 

Post # 11
Member
5153 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I love this post and agree with it very much.

My mom and my Future Mother-In-Law both married our dads by eloping (and they are both still married!!) and so I think they are really enjoying the process of helping us with our wedding as well as showing us 2 great examples of a good marriage.

 

Post # 12
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh, good! I get upset when parents get all, "we’re paying, it’s what we want for you and you have no say!" basically.

But yeah you’re dad’s right, it’s the ultimate union that counts. This is why my dad gave me so much crap about spending money on a wedding this year. "either way, you’re married, so why does it matter? One way you waste money, one way you save money". Yup, that’s my dad, the practicalist.  

Post # 13
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

It is great to see all the advice on this subject. I think it is soooo interesting to see things from so many different kinds of peoples back grounds. I do agree that a wedding is REALLY important and should be about the couple and a celebration of their day:) I just hope everyone on heres day is super super blessed and their marriages stay strong and forever:)

Oh and thank you carri38707 for the kind words, that means a lot. It helps when you get a little down:) You are soooooo very sweet.

Post # 14
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree! How I took that advice is that you see shows like Bridezillas, ick and actually there are some ladies out there that do act like that and focus soley on the day and forget about what it is all about. You can have the grandest, Donald Trump wedding out ther but what is it worth if you dont have the love, respect, commiment and bond with your future spouse to actually uphold you vows?

Post # 15
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

This post is awesome. Having been married before, I can say that in the end, the fact that we had a beautiful wedding wasn’t enough to keep us together.

 FI and I have a saying now "Not just for forever, but for No Matter What." It means, as others have mentioned, total commitment. To each other, to yourself, to being ready to fight for your relationship, should the need ever arise.

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