Post # 1
*le sigh* After meeting with the furniture rental people yesterday, I realized that this wedding has turned into someone else’s wedding…not mine. 🙁 Fiance is crazy particular plus detai oriented and has literally derailed any semblance of the romantic purple/gray/silver palette that I planned on; it is now stark, white, and modern. Didn’t realize how far his “No, I don’t like that” attitiude had influenced everything, until yesterdays meeting. 🙁 Mind you, it all started with him saying “Whatever you want!” He has also increased the guestlist to 230 from my initial 125 plan!!!!! UGH. Super annoyed. Anyone else? Has your wedding been hijacked? ( p.s. No snarky advice please. I love FH, and I know how he can get sometimes.)
Post # 3
Planning a wedding with an involved FI is a good learning experience about cooperation and making compromises as a couple. I mean, it is his wedding too, so I’m not sure that counts as hijacking it. Hopefully you can make it work in a way you both like.
Post # 4
@MrsTVLover: Yes, he SHOULD learn to compromise 🙂 So glad one person agrees with me…;)
Post # 5
I feel you somewhat. Wedding planning has been my first lesson of compromise with our relationship too. I wanted a small romantic wedding, not a big country club wedding. While I’m not 100% happy with the choices (& cost), I keep telling myself that I’m lucky to be having this big dream wedding. Not every girl even has that option, ya know? Either way I’m still planning a wedding and it’s fun for the most part.
Post # 6
I wish I had to compromise more, instead every time I try to involve FI or get his opinion (which is on EVERYTHING) he just looks at me and says, “Do whatever…sounds good!”. He says that he trusts my opinion and vision and knows it’ll look great, but sometimes you just want someone else’s input.
Sorry girl, totally thread jacking.
You have a little over 2 months. That’s enough time to change flowers and little things here and there to reach a compromise between the two of you and fit both of your wedding day visions. Sit down and talk to him.
Post # 7
Hey! It’s NEVER too late to make sure you get what you want! And just because FI is a bit of a bull, personally I like my men a little bullish, that doesn’t mean you can’t have what you want, it just means you need to find a way to make him think it was HIS idea….
Post # 8
While I can’t relate when it comes to wedding being hijacked, I had this exact same thing happen with DH and I’s new bedding and furniture in our apartment. There was so much he DIDN’T want, all the sudden I realized I had completely turned away from my own taste to just get him something he was okay with, and it wasn’t my taste at all.
Post # 9
I’m right there with you! I haven’t had a vision of my wedding since childhood, but the visions that I did have (outdoor ceremony, white tent, etc.) were in direct contradiction with the things HE had a vision about (indoors, formal, etc.). So in the early days I was all about “well it is HIS wedding too”, and now I’m stuck planning a wedding that has the main elements that are his vision and very little overall feel of what I wanted. It’s frustrating because now he is all “whatever you want”, but I wish he was that way from the beginning! lol.
I guess my advice is to just remember that it’ll still be beautiful and romantic and whatever else you want it to be, but the dressing on it will just be slightly different.
Post # 10
You gals are all so sweet, thanks for the positive support!
Actually caits615, we only have about 37 days to go, so it’s a little too late to change much. At least my bridesmaids will be in purple! One small victory :), ha! I think I’m just mourning my “wedding that could’ve been,” and I did talk to FH about it last night. He got a bit dramatic when he realized how upset I was because of the results of his inflexibility, and then began trying to think of ways to “fix” it. But honestly, it’s too far along now.
One ray of sunshine, a girlfriend is throwing me a Bridal Luncheon and will have lavender roses (that I wanted…instead of the calla lilies & sticks that we have now) as our decorations 🙂 So, yay 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
230 from 125? Are you kidding me?! Does he understand the implications of all these decisions he’s making for you???? You need to have a real discussion with him about what you were hoping for and hope he will compromise.
Post # 12
Yep! I hear ya. Much of my wedding has been hijacked. We were orignially having a destination wedding with just immediate family. Now we are doing that..but with a full 150 person reception in our home city the week before so that people can be included. Now I am being told that we don’t have the budiget for certain elements of the actual wedding. I’m like ah…not my fault! I didn’t ask for a huge reception. I always thought that we would do a BBQ or picnic at home for guests who couldn’t travel..not a second wedding.
Just try to find elements that can be totally you and stick to them. It sounds like you have already found a way to do this. Maybe even split up some responsibilities and totally own yours. I think wedding planning is teaching me a lot about how to compromise in my marriage (at least I can hope 😉 No matter what it will be a beautiful and wonderful day
Post # 13
I’m sorry to hear you feel this way… I kind of felt that way through the whole process because my fiance ( now husband) wanted to have a “Traditional ” wedding and I wanted to go to Vegas with a few friends/ family… When it came time to make decisions he would put his opinion in, but wouldn’t really “Make a Decision” It came to head when he looked at me one day and said ” It’s the Brides day” Really??? because I would’ve went to Vegas LOL
I think you did the right thing by talking to him… like you said, it might be a little hard to change some things now, but at least you got the discussion going and maybe it will help be a future reference for you FH when other big life changes come up that he needs to make sure your feelings are validated and he is compromising.
I think you’ll love your wedding… I felt really stressed and “Blah” for about 2 weeks before… Once the day came and things started rolling, I wouldn’t have asked for anything else!!! You are going to be so excited to get married and be excited to see all your friends and family, the little things won’t matter… We had a little drama with some family before the wedding- nothing major, but that all melted away and everyone had a blast!! I told my husband ” I’m not going to tell you, you were right, but I had the best day ever ” LOL
Post # 14
I always hear that there are a ton of details to work out in the last month. Maybe your last conversation with him will help for you to get at least a few of the things you wanted! Is it too late to make some changes with your florist & get the flowers you want? Or maybe a few things with decorations?
My fiance definitely had a lot to say in the beginning, but two things happened; One was that one of his groomsmen reminded him that weddings are something little girls dream about and asked him if he’d been dreaming about it & planning since he was a little boy (I’m not neccesarily one of those girls, but there are a few things I always had in mind) and the other thing is that I think he got really tired of planning & realized how much work was involved in getting what he wanted. He would also say “I don’t want…” or “Don’t like…” but not have a good answer for what he did want or how we’d pay for it. Boys…
Anyway, I hope that it all turns out beautifully & ends up being a wonderful combination of the both of you. The good thing is, you have a man who cares enough about making it a wonderful day & I’m sure if he didn’t care, we’d be having a totally different conversation!
Post # 15
I feel the same way. My FI and I have the same vision, but our families do not. We went from having a wedding and reception at a single place, to having the church 45 minutes away from where we wanted the reception (which was our second choice place, due to budget :/). My parents have destroyed every vision i wanted for mine and FI’s wedding. It really really sucks. I feel your pain OP. I am not sure what advice to give. What has been getting me and FI through this is the mentality that if it sucks, it isn’t our fault.
Post # 16
@Amayansong: lol yes, OH to be so lucky to have a groom who doesn’t care about details and simply wants to know what time to show up!
On the bright side, my groom has been trying very hard to fix/add/source some of the small “details” which I wanted that he enthusiastically stomped all over…such as lavender roses 🙂
It’s actually quite romantic lol and, guest list is going DOWN…rsvp’s are coming in a (luckily) some prior out-of-town confirms are not going to be able to make it. whew! crisis averted 🙂