(Closed) Wedding is off due to finances.

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry to hear that.  Would you maybe consider a small wedding/elopement and then a big reception later? 

This is a hard thing to go through but it sounds like you have a Fiance who loves you and really wants to marry you…that’s what really matters the most!

Post # 4
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

You say you refuse to get married without the big wedding.  I would only do this if it was feasible to save up your money within a set time frame.  If you are putting it off indefinitely, you might consider either a romantic courthouse wedding or a DIY in a park (they are generally inexpensive), and then have your reception at a restaurant, and specify to people that their bill is their responsiblity.  If you could swing it, you could take care of the drinks or apps or something.  Maybe it isn’t what you pictured, but getting married is not just about the wedding.  I had some friends who did this because they couldn’t afford more and they had a blast and loved it.  If people care about the two of you, they will support you no matter how much money you are spending.

That said, sorry you are going through this and I hope you find a solution you can be happy with!

Post # 5
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry to hear about the situation. My opinion, just because you can’t afford a wedding now, there is no reason not to engange (for him not to propose).  You can still have a long engagement and put away some money whenever you can. When you have enough, you can always plan a wedding then.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Post # 7
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wrote out a whole list of ways to help you save so that you can have your big day as soon as possible and then the site went down for maintenance! Let me try to remember: (all these are subject to change based on your habits)

-save 5-10$ per week each

-start collecting your change

-collect cans and turn them in for money

-sell old books/dvds/etc

-every other date night, stay in and have game night or something rather than going out

-dye your own hair/find somewhere cheaper to get haircuts/at home manis  and pedis/pluch your own eye brows

-jack and jill party (i heard about those on this website)

-give up/cut back on a vice (drinking/smoking), when you DO do this, put a dollar in a jar.. also, put away any money saved by quitting/cutting back

-have a garage sale

-as you see wedding things on sale, buy them to spread out the expenses

-carry as little cash with you as possible at all times, so you’re not tempted to spend it

-once or twice a week have cheapo dinners like Ramen or campbell’s soup

-you can think of tons of creative ways to save money!

 

** The most important part: as soon as the money is saved, put it straight into a savings account that you never touch, this way it increases from interest.. NEVER take the money out for anything but the wedding!

 

i hope this helps!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Maybe you could scale down the wedding to make it more affordable? Or have you asked your parents to see if any of them had any funds set aside for a wedding?

I agree with Kingtobe, there are tons of tiny ways to save small chunks of money. I stopped eating out/going out/excessive shopping and only browned bagged my lunch for a bit over 6 months and saved nearly $5,000.

Instead of calling off the wedding ceremony, why don’t you just push it back for a longer period. Maybe if a year isn’t going to make a difference, how about 2 or 3 or 5 years? You’re already thinking about being engaged permanently, so why not have a wedding when it’s super convienent for both of you? 

You could also come back to PA just for the wedding, even if you live in Baltimore.

Either way, good luck and I hope everything works out eventually because I’d hate to see you give up on something you want so badly. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 9
Member
841 posts
Busy bee

There is nothing wrong with waiting until you can have everything you want. I have gone through something similar and I regret it! Don’t half-ass anything that is important to you-not for anyone! Whether it is waiting or going ahead and doing something sooner, I wish you all the best ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

To me a MARRIAGE is more important than a WEDDING. I hope you can save up a little to have something nice. If not then why not do something small and have only the most important people. You don’t have to give up the dream to have an inexpensive wedding. I think I am one of the cheapest bees on here ^_^ Well, maybe not!

Post # 11
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I understand that a wedding is important to you, but do you really want to give up a life-time marriage because you weren’t in the financial position to have one day dream wedding?  I went to a really intimate wedding once where the couple was married in their home by local minister and they had wine, appetizers and cake afterwards.  It was awesome because all of their really close family and friends were in attendance but at the same time probably cost less than $1000 for everything. 

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Look, my best friend rented a state park facility on the lake for a few hundred bucks. Her dress was a white prom dress purchased at Name Brand Clothing for 100 bucks. Dinner was several 6-foot Subway subs, and she made the cake herself. The centerpieces were wheatgrass she grew herself, the tablecloths were plastic and the plates were paper. Wine came from a box, hair and makeup were done by family, and bouquets were picked from the garden. The whole thing probably didn’t cost more than $600.

Despite all this, everyone still had a really good time. Because she took some time to research everything and plan it out, it still looked cute even though it was very inexpensive. The guests still had dinner, drinks, cake and favors, so they were well taken care of.

Might keep that in mind. You don’t need a lot of money to have a good time. And your marriage shouldn’t be at the mercy of your wedding, IMO. If you really want to marry this man….then you should marry this man.

Post # 13
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would encourage you not to give up. You don’t have to even have a $5k wedding, but you can have a nice wedding.

Do you have friends/family with a house with a backyard that they would let you use? (Free) You could get food platters from your local Costco, or even just do a cake and punch reception, or a BBQ, or even a picnic reception.

If having a wedding is important to you, you can find a way to make it work. If you know that you guys can come up with, say, $500- $1000 use that as your starting point and work from there.

I know it seems hopeless right now, but where there is a will there is a way!

Post # 14
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

The marriage is more important than the wedding.  If you want to spend the rest of your life with your SO, then make it happen.  It might not be the “dream” wedding you are currently planning on, but it will be wonderful and special.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Shiner: please don’t do this.  i don’t think you can invite people to an event and then tell them to pay for their own meals.  just downsize or not have a meal.

Post # 16
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You could do what some couples have started doing the past decade or so…

Do a small wedding/courthouse/elope first. Then for your 1st or 5th or even 10th anniversary, renew your vows and have the big bridal bash you’ve always hoped for. You’ll have way more time to plan and save for your big party, so it won’t be nearly as stressful. But you’ll still already get to enjoy being married. Nothing saying you can’t be a bride once you’re already married! Just an idea to consider. I find the idea extremely romantic, if you ask me. ๐Ÿ™‚

Good luck, and I do hope you can get things worked out some way or another, whatever route you choose.

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