Post # 1
This is my first post on Weddingbee and I am really in need of some advice. I have been with my fiance for almost three years, we became engaged in May 2015 and our wedding is on 8th April 2016. After telling our family and friends the news of our engagment, we started receiving cards and messages of congratulations: that is when reality hit me: we were going to be getting married and I started to question whether or not I had made the right descision in saying yes to his proposal.
I have had what I thought was ‘cold feet’ many, many times within the last few months, but the fact that it is a regular occurance makes me think that it’s more than just cold feet. I’m having doubts as to whether he is the right person for me and if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. The main concerns for me are; his anger problem, mood swings and depression. Also, he makes negative comments about my figure on a regular basis-I am a UK size 8 and 5″8 and he says things like, ‘I think you would look better if you lost weight’ ‘I would find you more attractive if you were slimmer’ and ‘Do you think you will get fat if you have a baby’.
Recently I asked him why he wants to get married, he said he doesn’t know why but that it’s something that people just do, and his parents were putting pressure on him. He is also concerned that I won’t fulfill the ‘tasks’ of a wife: all of the housework and running his errands as well as working full time and in the future raising children.
Our relationshiop with each other is good most of the time, we have been on many nice holidays, adventures and days out together. But we do argue/fall out and I find myself ‘walking on eggshells’ around him when he is in a bad or low mood. He has his own house, which I’m supposed to be moving into after the wedding. I am worried about what it’s going to be like living togther and if we will be happy. Neither of us has been married before or lived with a partner.
The wedding is in less than two months, he has paid absolutly nothing towards the wedding (so far just me/my parents) and does not want to participate in the planning side, which he said he can’t stand. I feel confused and as though my head is all over the place, I feel torn between the positives and negatives of having a future with him. He has obviously been having doubts and he knows that I have been too. This week alone, he has gone from saying he doesn’t see the pont in getting married to let’s just go ahead with it. The wedding planning along with the mixture of feelings that I have been having is really taking it’s toll, I feel confused and stressed and I don’t want to make the biggest regret of my life.
Post # 2
He is a complete ass! Listen to your inner self and cancel your wedding. You will regret mArrying him.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t get married just from this statement alone “He is also concerned that I won’t fulfill the ‘tasks’ of a wife: all of the housework and running his errands as well as working full time and in the future raising children.”
Post # 4
Just from what you posted, yes, you should call off the wedding and probably end the relationship completely.
You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him. He makes nasty comments about your figure. You have issues with his anger and mood swings. His answer to “why do you want to get married” is I don’t know, it is just something people do. You have constant arguments/fall outs. You have continually, for months, been questioning your decision to marry him.
If all of those aren’t huge red flags, then I don’t know what is.
Cancelling a wedding is hard, but getting a divorce is even harder.
Post # 5
He sounds like a jerk. I’d cut my losses now and deal with the headache of a cancelled wedding now rather than the huge ordeal of dealing with an inevitable divorce later. Going on vacations with someone and enjoying your time together sometimes isn’t enough to sustain a marriage. He belittles you and is only marrying you because of outside pressures. You deserve better.
Post # 6
I stopped reading after the second paragraph. He’s a jerk. I wouldn’t have coffee with him, let alone consider marrying him.
Post # 7
I think you know deep down what you need to do, I hate telling people what their decisions should be, but since you asked – it sounds like you’d be dodging a bullet. Size 8 uk is hardly ‘fat’ and for him to insinuate that youd look good slimmer than you are is absolutely unacceptable and wrong. You want to be loved unconditionally, imagine when you get pregnant. Of course you’ll gain weight, what kind of a question is that! He sounds shallow and insecure and he’s dragging you into it, which is unfair to you.
You shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells. I know you’ve been through a lot of great experiences and loving moments together, but I can’t fathom anyone staying happily married to someone who talks to them like that, and whom they have to walk on eggshells around.
Post # 8
This does not sound like a happy, healthy relationship. And from what you wrote it sounds like you know what you want to do, you just need some validation. So here it is… Cancel your wedding!
Post # 9
Listen to your gut and run. He sounds like an abusive husband in the making.
Post # 10
Nope nope nope! You know the answer or you wouldn’t have needed to post.
Post # 11
Those are all red flags! I would not marry this guy! He sounds like an ass and it doesn’t sound like you will be happy with him at all :/
Post # 12
your gut is right, I’d run! He sounds horrible, really.
Post # 13
Those aren’t “wife” tasks, By The Way. Gross.
Post # 15
I think you’re asking because you already know what you want to do. Listen to your inner voice because it’s talking to you loud and clear.