(Closed) Wedding is weeks away and feeling unsure about FI

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you are just reacting to the stress a wedding brings. Suddenly, marrying someone and being with them forever is really hitting home, so the flaws are magnified tenfold. 

 

Can you do any pre-wedding counselling? 

Post # 5
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My Fiance likes lots of TV shows that I do not care for (Family Guy etc.) and can say some crude (not mean though) things sometimes but that is not something to give you doubts about your relationship. Either there is more to it and as a result of bigger issues overall these things are niggling at you or it is wedding stress.

 

I’m not quite sure how I feel about the labelling of obese people on the TV as trashy, that seems unnecessary for him to constantly blurt out…is there a reason he is particularly ‘passionate’ about weight issues? My Fiance and I are really into fitness and healthy eating so we’ll often discuss weight/health issues based on what we see on TV/in society but we don’t name call.  That’s not nice.

 

Post # 7
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honestly sweetheart that sounds like how I felt when I was with my ex. He was my first relationship. I never knew what it felt like to have someone I didn’t RESENT. But I didn’t figure that out until later. I knew what I wanted in my future but I never thought about if he could provide that for me.

You have to think of what you want in life. Do you feel embarrassed by him in public? Do you both have the same goals and wants? One thing that I thought about was that close friends usually laugh a lot together and have inside jokes. I didn’t have that with my ex. He had an imature sense of humor and he also came from a different background. He didn’t have an education, I did. He didn’t have money, at that time I had financial support from my family. Kinda like how you described your scenario.

How do you feel about him with your family? Do you feel like your settling? This is not to say that those men aren’t good people, they just might not be a good fit. Does he bring out the best in you? And likewise? Good luck!!!

Post # 8
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@littleacorn:  My Fiance will occasionally suddenly have an extremely strong opinion on something that surprises me and can piss me off sometimes (like the last time was about a particular politician), I’ve just learned to go ‘uh-huh’ and then change the topic.

I think wedding stress is making you more sensitive to these things, but I don’t think it’s anything to doubt the wedding over 🙂

 

Post # 11
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@littleacorn:  Great! Have you told him how it makes you feel when he uses those kinds of words? Maybe that will put him into perspective of why it bugs you and he’ll try to respect it.

Post # 12
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

There is no perfect guy…

Post # 15
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I wouldn’t call asking for a kiss goodnight demanding! But trying to change someone usually leads to disappointment I think…but having said that it’s not like after you get married to someone that you have to keep your mouth shut if something they do bothers or annoys you.  

To look at this from his perspective as well though, how would you feel if he thought you needed ‘fixing’ or weren’t good enough? I’d be pretty hurt if my Fiance wanted to ‘fix’ me before we got married.  I sort of think either you love the person and can live with their faults or if you can’t be honest about it. Do not let perfection become the enemy of the good though!

Post # 16
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

On TV and internet it is quite common that fat people are the butt of jokes.  It’s sort of a cultural thing, which is odd given that so high a percentage of people are technically at least some amount overweight.  So if I’m x pounds overweight then it’s OK, but if that guy is y pounds more overweight than me then it’s hilarious or horrible and I can make fun of him.  That seems like the current culture for good or bad.

It seems so natural to laugh at something like that.  But I think it is pretty cheap humor and don’t care for it much.  My Fiance is getting the idea as well.  Like if we’re watching Tosh.0 and they show a clip of a fat person falling down or whatever, yes, it may look funny, but then after the clip I usually say something like, “sure, pick on the fat chick” or “yeah, its so easy to make fun of a fat person.”  We don’t have a “discussion” about how it may be wrong to pick on fat people, but he gets the idea that maybe it isn’t the nicest thing to do.

I’d be more upset if the labels someone used were more hostile than humerous or descriptive.  Calling someone unhealthy, and even using the word “fat” seems more descriptive than hostile while calling someone a fat lazy pig or something like that seems more on the hostile side to me and that sort of thing comes across as bullying to me.

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