(Closed) Wedding is weeks away and feeling unsure about FI

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@littleacorn:  We really are! I’m the same way…I’ve never had luck with guys without strong personalities. I find it hard to respect them. I’m not bossy myself but I am srong willed. But with strong personalities and backbones come the challenges too. And I feel like my FI’s ‘outspokenness’ is one of those challenges (and it’s not like he embarasses me in public!). To be honest, at this point, if he were to start censoring himself I don’t think that would make me happy either. I’d feel like he wasn’t being himself around me. 

Try and chill a little and see how you feel. It will take some practice but it does actually get easier to ignore 🙂 I find that even leaving the room for a few moments helps interrupt my ‘I’m getting annoyed’ train of thought. And you know what? I have found that when he notices that I refrain from calling him out on this stuff (and he knows me well enough to know I’m biting my tongue lol), he actually simmers down and stops with the commentary too. 

 

Post # 35
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@littleacorn:  You’re welcome!! Good luck! 🙂

Post # 36
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Let the poor man breathe! He can’t watch what he wants on tv, can’t make certain comments in his own home, can’t curse eithout “jolting you,” your school was ‘slightly better,’ and you wonder if you should “marry someone more like yourself.” Geez. You are micromanaging that poor guy to death. Back up and relax.

Honestly, if I were him, I probably would have left the relationship. You are sending him the message that you don’t accept who he is, and you want to change him. Stop. Seriously, or it will ruin your relationship.

Let him watch Southpark if he wants, drop the F bomb if he feels like it, and make insensitive comments about people on tv because THAT IS WHO HE IS. You are being hyper-controlling and immature by not accepting him and “trying to make him perfect.”

Post # 37
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@littleacorn:  Sorry to sound harsh but from your post you seem pretty stuck up and a bit snobby. Maybe you shouldn’t marry this guy for both your sakes?  You sound like you think you’re a bit better than him and from what you’ve said about him, it sounds like instead you should be really proud of him and what he’s achieved. 

He came from a tough background with alcoholic parents and drugs around and he still made good and got a great education and now has a fab job and sounds like he’s still working hard to better himself while you sound like it was all handed to you on a plate. Nothing wrong with that, but why does that make you better?

So what if he swears – you’re both adults. If you really can’t put up with it, then make it into a joke and start a ‘swear box’ or something. So he likes to unwind by watching crap on TV. You don’t. Neither is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Think you need to be honest with yourself. If you’re looking for excuses not to marry him, listen to your gut. It is SO much better to back out now than after you’re married. You will also be doing him a favour, even if he can’t see it now, as it is not fair to marry him if he’s not what you really want in a partner. Be strong.

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