Post # 1
I was asked to be the matron of honor in my friends wedding. She threw my bridal shower the previous year as a luncheon type buffet. Which I was thankful for. She paid for it all and I know she paid around 250.00 for the event. So moving forward she explained to me she does not want a bridal shower and instead wants to travel. She wants to go shopping/sightseeing in California rodeo area and visit two wineries as a weekend trip. She also mentioned she doesn’t want to pay for anything other than wat ever she buys shopping wise. This comment surprised me. She explained for me to contact the maid of honor about the plans which I did and she explained she could help as much as she could with the price. The wedding is a year and 3 months away. I estimated about about 800.00 not including dinner or any transportation that may be needed to cover cost plus my plane ticket around 410 from philly. So if her friend chips in pays half it will cost me around 800.00. Plus she now wants a Las Vegas wedding. Which makes this two separate trips. Another plane ticket another hotel stay. I suggested 1 trip to Vegas and us girls rent a car n travel to rodeo which Google says is 4 hrs away . That way it would reduce cost. Her response only if we travel by limo. So I have a average job can not afford to grant these wishes. I explained I could contribute to her plane ticket so that she can have her dream but that I would not be able to go. Her response it’s a year and 3 months away you haven’t even tried to save yet. I can not believe how non understanding she has been about this. I barely have my own saving let alone saving for two trips in one year or even one. I am trying to replace my car of 12 years and getting bariatric surgery next year and me and my husband are trying to buy a home. Every penny I have honestly needs to be dedicated to these things. Because she is my friend and participate d in my wedding I want to contribute to hers. I am somewhat appalled at her demand s knowing my life situations and knowing she spent nowhere near this amount of money to attend and be in my wedding. So im unsure why she feels its ok for this. I feel like she is being selfish and possibly taking advantage of our friendship. I don’t know wat to think, I’m just kinda turned off by it and feel like turning in my resignation.i love my friend but this is just to much for me. Only thing I know is I want her to have all that she wants but I just can’t afford for it to be on my dime. I had no clue she wanted so much, I was prepared to throw a bridal shower or something but not this. So how do I explain this to her in a tactful kinda nice way.
Post # 2
dahlia22: she cannot have it all. Her demands are ludicrous. Why would you pay for her plane ticket to LAX? Why wouldn’t you meet her there, rent a car and go shopping and wine tasting from there?
It’s also offensive / rude for her to dictate what kind of celebration / bachelorette you’ll plan. You can take her wishes into account but at the end of the day, you’re the budget and plan owner. You should explain to her what your budget allows and if she can’t work with you, you don’t have to open your purse strings for seone who thinks of you as an ATM.
Post # 3
You are not obliged to give her a bachelorette party in California. A bachelorette party is a gift, and like any gift, the person getting the gift can only make requests, not demands.
Also, if she did not tell you up front that she was having the wedding in Vegas, then you are entitled to drop out. Agreeing to be Maid/Matron of Honor in Vegas is very different from being Maid/Matron of Honor for a local wedding, because of the cost of travel.
i suggest you tell her that, because the wedding involves travel and so will be expensive, you can’t afford to do anything else except a small local bridal shower and/or bachelorette party. If she’s not happy with that, drop out (of being MOH). Remember, if you attend her wedding as an ordinary guest, you are probably still spending more on her wedding than she did on yours, by the sound of it.
I agree it is reasonable that you should spend *roughly* the same amount on each others’ weddings. How long you have to save is nothing to do with it.
Post # 4
dahlia22: wow…. wow..
Your friend has one insane sense of entitlement. Just, wow.
Irrespective of where the wedding is, expecting others to spend more than they may be able to afford to go to the bachelorette, and cover her costs is ridiculous and unfair to you, and her other friends. Is this something she might be likely to understand if you have another conversation with her? I agree you should politely resign, perhaps saying that you don’t want to disappoint her since you have other (far more important) priorities for your money in life.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Oh boy, another bridezilla! Contrary to opinions here sometimes, you are NOT “obligated” to do anything as an Maid/Matron of Honor other than stand up at the wedding and give a speech at the reception. There’s a reason you’re called the “Maid of Honor” and no the “Maid of Legal Court Summons.” If you want to throw her a shower that costs about what she spent on yours, that would be polite, kind, and well-received. Her demands are obnoxious and absurd. Very politely write an e-mail saying you appreciate her wants, but given the financial strain they would cause, all you can offer is a shower like the one she threw you and a trip out for the wedding. If she keeps demanding more, you’ll have to just keep declining.
Post # 6
dahlia22: Uh, no. She doesn’t get to dictate the terms of a party thrown in her honor. Decide what you are willing to spend, talk to the maid of honor, and figure out what kind of party you can throw within the budget you have established. It’s that’s just a wine and cheese girls’ night, that’s fine!
If the bride objects when you offer her the party, politely explain that a trip to California is not in your budget. Sorry.
Post # 7
dahlia22: your friend sounds delusional. It sounds like she wants the experience that she’s probably seen on Real Housewives or the Kardashians, without any grasp on how much it will actually cost or the logistical difficulties.
Post # 8
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
I would send her an email telling her what you told us. That is just ridiculous! I’ve never heard of a bride saying they don’t want to pay any part of their own bach party. I don’t think I could be friends with this person. Good luck OP!
Post # 9
dahlia22: she’s crazy, I’d step down if I were you. If she doesn’t understand, then she’s not a true friend, my opinion!