(Closed) wedding issue blues

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    2880 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    dahlia22: she cannot have it all. Her demands are ludicrous. Why would you pay for her plane ticket to LAX? Why wouldn’t you meet her there, rent a car and go shopping and wine tasting from there?

    It’s also offensive / rude for her to dictate what kind of celebration / bachelorette you’ll plan. You can take her wishes into account but at the end of the day, you’re the budget and plan owner. You should explain to her what your budget allows and if she can’t work with you, you don’t have to open your purse strings for seone who thinks of you as an ATM. 

    Post # 3
    7680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You are not obliged to give her a bachelorette party in California. A bachelorette party is a gift, and like any gift, the person getting the gift can only make requests, not demands.

    Also, if she did not tell you up front that she was having the wedding in Vegas, then you are entitled to drop out. Agreeing to be Maid/Matron of Honor in Vegas is very different from being Maid/Matron of Honor for a local wedding, because of the cost of travel.

    i suggest you tell her that, because the wedding involves travel and so will be expensive, you can’t afford to do anything else except a small local bridal shower and/or bachelorette party. If she’s not happy with that, drop out (of being MOH). Remember, if you attend her wedding as an ordinary guest, you are probably still spending more on her wedding than she did on yours, by the sound of it.

    I agree it is reasonable that you should spend *roughly* the same amount on each others’ weddings. How long you have to save is nothing to do with it.

    Post # 4
    168 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    dahlia22:  wow…. wow..

    Your friend has one insane sense of entitlement. Just, wow.

    Irrespective of where the wedding is, expecting others to spend more than they may be able to afford to go to the bachelorette, and cover her costs is ridiculous and unfair to you, and her other friends. Is this something she might be likely to understand if you have another conversation with her? I agree you should politely resign, perhaps saying that you don’t want to disappoint her since you have other (far more important) priorities for your money in life.

    Post # 5
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

    Oh boy, another bridezilla! Contrary to opinions here sometimes, you are NOT “obligated” to do anything as an Maid/Matron of Honor other than stand up at the wedding and give a speech at the reception. There’s a reason you’re called the “Maid of Honor” and no the “Maid of Legal Court Summons.” If you want to throw her a shower that costs about what she spent on yours, that would be polite, kind, and well-received. Her demands are obnoxious and absurd. Very politely write an e-mail saying you appreciate her wants, but given the financial strain they would cause, all you can offer is a shower like the one she threw you and a trip out for the wedding. If she keeps demanding more, you’ll have to just keep declining.

    Post # 6
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    dahlia22:  Uh, no. She doesn’t get to dictate the terms of a party thrown in her honor. Decide what you are willing to spend, talk to the maid of honor, and figure out what kind of party you can throw within the budget you have established. It’s that’s just a wine and cheese girls’ night, that’s fine!

    If the bride objects when you offer her the party, politely explain that a trip to California is not in your budget. Sorry.

    Post # 7
    2713 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    dahlia22:  your friend sounds delusional. It sounds like she wants the experience that she’s probably seen on Real Housewives or the Kardashians, without any grasp on how much it will actually cost or the logistical difficulties. 

    Post # 8
    1333 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

    I would send her an email telling her what you told us.  That is just ridiculous!  I’ve never heard of a bride saying they don’t want to pay any part of their own bach party.  I don’t think I could be friends with this person. Good luck OP!

    Post # 9
    1653 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    dahlia22:  she’s crazy, I’d step down if I were you.  If she doesn’t understand, then she’s not a true friend, my opinion!

    The topic ‘wedding issue blues’ is closed to new replies.

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