(Closed) Wedding Jealousy.. yeah, I got it.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We were married last summer and had what I would call a middle-of-the-road wedding, nothing opulant but still classic.  This coming summer we’ll be going to a friend’s wedding with a reception held at an old Southern mansion…yeahhh, our wedding is going to look more like a shin-dig in comparison. The thing is, the friend and her fiance both were incredibly kind at our wedding and remarked about how much fun they had.  My lesson from this, as long as you’re surrounded by good people and love, you’ve got the most important thing you need that day.


When those brides make little comments, try to remind yourself that what’s really important is having a happy marriage, not a fancy wedding.  If you’ve got the man of your dreams, you’ve got more than you need!

Post # 4
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

All that matters is that the day is special to you! It’s just one day and there is no need to spend beyond your means. What is important to remember is that it’s not about the wedding but the marriage. You can still have a beautiful weddding without spending a fortune – I think spending that kind of money is just excessive. don’t let them get to you.

Post # 5
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Mine will (hopefully) be between $3k and $5k and it will be all the more wonderful because I won’t be left going “oh. my. god. what did I do?” because I spent as much as I make in a year. If they’re left paying off their weddings for years, who knows? THEY might be jealous of YOU!

Post # 6
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If you and your fiance are in love and happy as can be on your wedding day, THAT’S what your guests will remember most. Are guests sometimes wowed at over the top weddings? Of course! But that’s not all there is. I’ve been to over 15 weddings with budget from $100,000 to mere hundreds, and I never look back and think “wow, I had such a great time at X’s wedding. Remember her three dresses? That was what made my night” or “I’ll never get over the great uplighting they had or the horse drawn carriage” lol These details are great and the couple remembers them, but pretty much no one else does. I remember three things: 1. did the bride and groom look happy/excited/in love etc 2. did I have fun? 3. how was the food?

Post # 7
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i agree with lionskitty dont even worry about it for all you know they will be in debt for years to come and be stressing about it! im having a courthouse wedding and then dinner reception so yeha less than 3k and im happy about it! what matters is that youre getting married and youll be happy and stressfree with your  “low budget ” wedding.

Post # 8
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

The sweetest, most loving and most romantic weddings I’ve ever attended were what people would consider “low budget,” because not a lot of money was spent.  But, guess what?  Money can’t buy love or happiness, not really.  The wedding is what really matters, and the marriage that follows.  And the love you share when exchanging vows with your beloved.  Keep your focus on what’s important and ta-dah!  No more jealousy.  They will be jealous of YOU if you can do that. 

(And you’ll keep more money in the bank rather than spending it on vendors).

Post # 9
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ditto PP, and instead of focusing on the cost, or lack there of, of your options, tells those deep-pocket brides about something personal.

Instead of “our photog was crazy cheap”, tell them about the connection you feel with your photog on a personal level and how you know that will translate into great photos.

Instead of “we couldn’t afford a $10k decorator”, tell them about how you really wanted to be hands on with decorations so that the wedding reflects your/your FI’s personal style.

They are making it about the money, but you don’t have to.

Post # 10
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We’re in that phase where so many of our friends are getting married, and it’s hard not to compare. I got a TON of “Oh, I’ve never heard of him,” responses from my wedding planning friends when they asked about our vendors…we were also on a pretty tight budget!

I think it’s natural to feel that way, especially because you probably poured a lot of yourself into planning and it’s nerve wracking to feel like you’ll be judged on that. I do think that a lot of guests (especially ones not planning weddings!) won’t notice most of the things you mentioned.

I also feel like more people remember if they enjoyed a wedding than anything else. I like to see dresses, but I could care less about a bride’s 3 designer gowns if the wedding is stuffy or over-the-top.

It’s kind of cliche, but just try to focus on what makes your day special and unique. And of course, that a wedding is just one day, so you shouldn’t have to feel apologetic for setting a reasonable budget for yourself!

Post # 11
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Not to be bitchy, but I really hate the weddings you described. They always feel super impersonal and show-offy to me (no offense to your friends).

All of the best weddings I have been to were small, personal and had tons of DIY.  Be proud of your wedding, I’m sure it’s going to be gorgeous!

Post # 12
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I purposefully searched for good vendors that weren’t commonly known in my area.  I don’t want the same wedding crew that everyone I know has used.  Unknown vendors are awesome and don’t mean that they are cheap.  I would stop selling your wedding short by mentioning your budget constraints to your friends.

Post # 13
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Picard icon!?

@sara_tiara:  Ashamed to admit it, but this! A little bit. I haven’t been to a really lavish and opulent wedding myself, maybe they’re fab! But I saw the wedding photos/video from a girl I used to dance with last night and I couldn’t help think how shallow they were… the way she talked about him! And then making up for it by spending so many thousands of dollars.

Ahh, I feel like an awful person now, but it still feels good to throw that out there. I don’t think I’m just jealous! But maybe I am.

Post # 14
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It matters now while you are planning, but once your wedding day comes, I promise you you won’t care much about anything other than that this is the day you marry the love of your life. It will be special and wonderful.

As far as your guests go; All they will remember is whether they had fun or not. They will look at $15k worth of decor and say “oh, that’s cute!” and then not pay any attention to it anymore. They would do the same with $100 decor. Play good music and have good food and you’re golden!

Post # 15
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Our wedding will be the 5th wedding between our two families in less than a year. My oldest cousin was married last June and had a wonderful reception at a fancy club and her younger brother was married in October at an old family farm. FI’s oldest cousin was married that same day in October, so I’m not sure what it was like but the only comments I heard were complaining about the cash bar (which is ridiculous since she says that the parents who paid for the other wedding shouldn’t have spent as much and just given their kids a huge monetary gift to get them started, but that’s a whole different bag of worms….). Another of his cousin’s was married just last month at their family synagogue and the reception was held there, too and it was *so* lovely. These weddings all had very different price tags but they were all very lovely and filled with love. What one wedding might have had because of money another had because of hard work and creativity. After having so many family wedding’s it’s been really hard to plan mine and still feel like it’s uniquely ours–I’ll have some of the same flowers that my cousins used, our venue is also a farm, and a lot of our guests will overlap just due to the fact that so many people being invited are family–all of them will have been to at least one other family wedding within the past year, often times one they planned and paid for themselves. Your friends (you didn’t specify whose weddings you were sandwiched between) will be happy with their weddings and you will be happy with yours. I think the biggest thing you could do for yourself is to stop feeling obligated to tell them that they haven’t heard of your vendors because they’re inexpensive–that’s a detail that they don’t need to know! Instead, tell them that you chose them because you love the work they do if you tell them anything at all! Your wedding is going to be fantastic because it’s your wedding and inspired by your love and creativity.

Post # 16
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sara_tiara:  Amen! I want to have everyone out dancing, not sitting there sipping their snifters of whatever and tsk tsking the few brave souls who braved ridicule by busting a move. By the end of the night, I want my (cheap) hair to be a ragged mess, my (cheap) makeup to have all sweated off, and my (cheap) shoes to have been kicked aside for hours! And I want to be laughing in every single picture my (cheap) photographer takes. The girls in the designer dresses won’t be having nearly as much fun, I bet 🙂

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