Post # 1
My fiancee’s younger brother’s fiancee wants to meet this THursday night to give me this expensive wedding jewellery gift. A few months ago she showed me pictures of what she planned to get and I told her I don’t want pearls and that is okay I don’t need gift from her or something along the lines (because I prefer money but I didn’t say that). I was at that time very stressed out so didn’t really put a lot of effort to turn her down since we decided to get married this March and also buy a home around that time. Ended up around April I found my venue and in May purchased the house so I was too stress to really deal with her. Last time she spent $1,200 for my fiancee’s mother’s birthday present on a pearl necklace which is a rip off. She got that necklace from her dad’s friend who owns a jewelry warehouse company. She purchased the pearls individually and had to string them together herself. The pearls are big but not worth $1,200.
I have different taste then her. This is the necklace I got from Costco from Swavoski. It is not very expensive but I like that it is unique and simple.
This is the pearl necklace she suggested to get for me. I couldn’t get the exact one she showed but it does give you a good picture of her taste.
I am getting married next month and she gave me one month before the wedding instead of the wedding day probably she wants me to wear it. I really like the jewellry I have. Just wondering has anyone have to deal with unwanted wedding jewelry. If it isn’t too ugly I might wear it along when I wear my Chinese dress but still if I wear it then it would encourage her to buy more garbage for me in the future. She is just like her parents, instead of giving us money her parents gave us giffs as well which I have to figure out how to get them out of my house as well.
Post # 3
Oh my, that is a bold piece of jewelry. I think even the queen of England would have a problem pulling that one off.
All you can do is mention to he, as clear as you dare, that this is really not your type jewelry. But in the end it’s her money and she can gift you with it whatever she wants. Pygmy goats and bold jewelry included😁
I personally har no such problem. I got a few pieces of jewelry for my wedding but they all came from very close family, who know my taste and stuck with that.
Good luck to you! Let us know how it ended!
Post # 4
Hi northernlight,I forgot to mention the money is not her’s. The money is my bf’s brother. She doesn’t work and the brother doesn’t make that much. She spends money like crazy. Fiancee’s brother when he quit his job this year to move to another company, he got $80,000 (CAD dollars) for withdrawing his pension instead of transferring to new company. Fiancee’s mom calculated and said that she thinks they made a mistake because he didn’t work that long to get that much pension money back. Recently they went to Hong Kong for two weeks and spent all of the 80K on the trip and also stuff for the wedding like wedding band and engagement ring when they are not getting married till next summer or winter. I am an only child so never had to deal with younger brother and sisters. THat is the other reason for why I don’t want to wear it I don’t want to encourage the her to spend brother’s money. I really don’t know I have be that direct and tell her I want money not gifts. My plan is to after the wedding to use the money to pay down the mortgage so I am really money hungry right now.
Post # 5
i can’t see the aliexpress necklace, but there’s no reason for her to think she can choose your wedding jewelry. thank her for the necklace and tell her you are excited to wear it for *insert other event*. If she asks about wearing it for the wedding tell her you’ve already picked out your jewelry, then move on.
i don’t really understand why you are so concerned with how she spends money in general…?
Post # 6
vortex : I don’t really believe in telling people how to spend their money. You can only do so much in controlling what people gift to you and it sounds like you’ve already stated your thoughts. Be gracious with the present, but there is no need to wear it to your wedding. Instead, it would be a nice gesture to wear to a dinner out with them or maybe your rehearsal dinner if it matches what you were already planning to wear. Otherwise, it can live in your jewelry box.
Post # 7
Hi fj2m05 and tinneranne2 the reason why I am concerned how she spends my fiancee’s brother’s money because it affects the family as well. For example the $1,200 necklace the brother didn’t have enough money to purchase it overseas so my fiancee’s father had to transfer money over to Hong Kong. My fiancee told his brother he would contribute to the gift but didn’t know at the price tag at that time. So my fiancee had to fork over 600 dollars. Last year they did renovation on the condo that belongs to my fiancee’s parents. My fianceee had to pay 300 dollars for their 600 dollar mirror in the bathroom. THey are planning to have two weddings next year. My fiancee’s mom said she will give them 20K as well the same amount she gave us for our wedding. My Future Mother-In-Law is now worried about them because there is no way they can have two weddings the second one overseas with 20K + whatever the brother can save these one year if she is looking at Disneyland and Four Seasons Hotel places. IF they don’t have money fiancee’s mom may help again which is unfair to us cause they got the condo for free while our house we had to use our own money. In addition, my fiancee would need to buy an expensive gift in return for them so that’s why I care because it affects us as well.
Post # 8
Here is another sample of the necklace she originally want to get for me. It is same as the AlliExpress.
Post # 9
I love your necklace! though I would not consider it simple, but modern.
There really isn’t much you can do about it now if its already purchased. You made it clear you weren’t interested in having something like that for the wedding. you can accept the gift, but you don’t have to wear it for wedding.
Post # 10
emhh, it is a gift. Be grateful? While I understand your position (I would be irritate too to see someone very unresponsible about money), you still don’t have the rights to tell her how to spent her money. It’s her Fiance job.
And IF your Future Mother-In-Law decide to help/give them more money, it is also her rights to do so. You should be grateful that you can make your own money and doesn’t burden anyone.
Post # 11
vortex : If your Fiance is giving them money then you have a Fiance problem and not a FSIL/FBIL problem. You are laying the blame in the wrong place on that.
As for how they spend their money or what other people choose to give them money wise, well that is none of your business. It is their money and they can do as they please with it, that includes your Future Mother-In-Law.
You seem way too invested in this other couples business and hella judgy. Maybe start minding your own business and working on your own problems (as in your Fiance choosing to give money to his brother).
Post # 12
You can’t dictate how others gift you. However, they can’t dictate what you do with a gift.
So, that means you can sell it, donate it, give it away, let it sit forever…whatever.
Just accept the gift, give a thank you, don’t make any promise to wear it, don’t wear it, and move on.
How she spends the money is between her and the brother. It’s not your business. He made the choice in his fiancée and this is his battle if it’s even a concern for him at all. Don’t put yourself into it.
Your fiancé giving them money is a problem between you two and has nothing to do with them. You both should get on the same financial page in the future. He should have declined giving money if you didn’t agree.
Post # 13
I spent the last thirty years with an aunt who would spend above her means and would borrow money from my mom. My parents are self employed so cannot help her that much. She would get angry whenever we don’t give enough for her to pay bills and she had move every 5 years to a smaller home eventually to rental. I am an only child so I am learning to deal with sibilings. Since I am married in a few months so I have more saying in terms of the finance. Fiancee and I are on the same page that paying down our mortgage is our priority and he doesn’t spend money at all. The problem is fiancee’s mom encourage that fiancee to play along as well. She complained that the MacAir the brother wanted for birthday was way too expensive but she still have my fiancee pay half of it.
For the gift I would accept it, say thank you etc. I just don’t want her to do this again in the future like spend the money on expensive stuff and complains if I don’t use it just because it was expensive. The $1200 necklace, she got it from her dad’s friend. I suspect so that they can give the friend business in return her dad can get some business connections or get some commission money. The pearl necklace doesn’t look like it is worth that much especially you get it as individual pearls not string up in a necklace form. The necklace wasn’t from a brand name company. She said if the pearls was in necklace form and in retail store it would be like $3000. In regards the gift, I have a jeweller appraise it and will plan to sell it.
Thank you everyone for their suggestions!