- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
Let me start out by saying I love my mom A LOT.
Ok, here goes: my mom is always sick with something or other, an elusive illness that never really gets diagnosed. Anyway, she backs out of a lot of things at the last minute due to not feeling well. I don’t doubt that she doesn’t feel well, but because of this I know not to plan for her to be involved in things, because she always backs out. I try to include her in things, because she wants to be (so she claims), so I have enlisted her to help with researching vendors online. Somehow, this isn’t enough, even though this is being considerate of her needs, as well as avoiding my own frustration when she cancels her plans last minute. I’m on a major budget, so really when I find a vendor in my price range, that’s the one I pick, and there’s no real need for a lot of comparison, so really I don’t NEED a lot of involvement from anyone else.
Somehow, she manages to turn everything around on me and guilt me about it. She tells me that I’m not including her and I don’t care about her, when I DO care about her, which is precisely why I have given her small things to do from the comfort of home. Sorry, I just don’t see the need to make her get up, when she’s in pain, when the decision is basically made according to what I can afford anyway. Furthermore, as I said, she ALWAYS bails on everything, and I just DON’T want to deal with it. I do care about her, and I don’t want her to feel bad or upset, but I can’t take the constant guilt tripping about how “I don’t want her involved in my wedding”. She tends to cancel plans at the last minute, and then she gets frustrated, and then knows I’m frustrated even though I play it off like I’m not, and then she’s pissed at me for “not understanding” and “not caring enough” and, sorry, but I JUST want this ONE THING to be about ME without her crying and complaining about how “she’s sick”.
I really hope this doesn’t come off as horribly selfish. I feel bad just posting it, but you have to understand that she has been this way my entire life, without any sort of diagnosis for anything, and she has always, ALWAYS backed out of plans on a regular basis, to the point that now if I show up to something and she decides to cancel (which is the usual case) some people actually assume it’s because I refused to bring her with me.
I am in the early stages of planning, and I anticipate things will just get more stressful as times goes by. Ughhh.