(Closed) Wedding might be getting cancelled

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I definitely think this is something you need to be in agreement on before you get married. If you are unhappy about something as large as the place where you live and he doesn’t seem to care, that’s a problem.

Post # 3
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Who is more important to you – family and friends, or your future husband? Marriage is about compromise and it can’t be your way or the highway.

Post # 5
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You won’t be all alone – your Fiance and kids will be your family.  I am a big believer that yes, while family is important (I have a large and close extended family, albeit one which is three hours by plane away from me), when you get married you form your own nuclear family and your parents/siblings become extended family.  Don’t lose focus on the fact that your Fiance should play a more important part in your life than your parents and siblings – there is such a thing as being too close with your extended family.

Post # 6
Member
3441 posts
Sugar bee

I moved away from friends and family because it was good for my husband’s career and therefor, our lives together. That’s how it goes sometimes and is part of being an adult. However, I AGREED to the move. You both need to figure out what is more important and get on the same page. One or both of you will have to sacrifice something.

Post # 7
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 

View original reply
weddingbee100 :   As others have said – this issue needs to be resolved before you continue your wedding plans.

Your Fiance cannot relate to your desire to be near to your family, maybe since he does not share that view.  Would it be possible for you to make friends, develop a social group where you are now?  Could your family visit now and then – would that help?  

Try to find middle ground, and work on understanding each other’s view.  Compromise is a part of marriage!   And try to think of your Fiance as your family, which he is/will be!

Post # 8
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I moved away from all of my family and friends for my FI’s career. We’ll be trying for kids soon after the wedding and I completely understand wanting to be near your family. But at the same time you have to decide what’s more important, being with him or being back home? I wish I could move back home but right now it just isn’t possible and I doubt it will be any time soon. His career is way better off here and he is the breadwinner. But I love him so even though it’s harder I’m ready to work through that because we have each other. I think you need to sit down and figure out which matters more to you – moving back home or your relationship

Post # 9
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Fiance and I get married in April and plan on LEAVING THE COUNTRY afterwards – we’ll probably raise our kids on the other side of the world! 

I’d never ever give him up just to be close to family. 

The fact that you even consider not marrying him over this issue is enough for me to say you needa put the breaks on. As a PP said, it can’t be your way or the highway.

Not cool IMO.

Post # 10
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
weddingbee100 :  I agree with PPs that marriage is a sacrifice and your husband and future children become your family. If it makes you feel better I am close to ya! Which part of WA? Send me a private message if you wanna be friends😄

Post # 11
Member
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

Marriage is about compromise and sacrifice. We may not always get what we want. As previously stated when you get married your spouse is your family and all others are extended family. I think whats important is the life and family the two of you build together wherever that may be. My fiance and I are planning to move out West. Our family mainly lives in the South. When we decide to move it will be the two of us starting our lives and family together. I definitely think you two need to have this conversation before you get married. He may be frustrated too, as he may be feeling your family ia more important to you than he is. 

Post # 12
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

I see both sides of the story.

I was raised by my mum as a single mother so we are very close! She still doesn’t have a partner (although I am on husband watch for her haha)

My Fiance knows just how important she is to me so whenever we talk/fantasise about moving he always includes her in the plan which means so much to me!

I know the choice between them for me would be nearly impossible so I’m glad that if we do ever decide to move, we will think of all the options!

Post # 13
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee

This is something you two need to sit down together when not angry or frustrated or sad and talk about. Yes, you should be compromising on where you live and what both of your future lives are. But on the other hand, where is the compromise that your fiance makes? See if you guys can move to the east coast but not NY so that it’s easier to take trips to see family. See if he can do activities or clubs with you in your new area to help you build a network of friends.

Look for jobs outside the state and ask him to transfer nearer to you. You both get a say in your future because it is your life just as much as his.

Talk about it.

Post # 14
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We move around a lot for my husband’s career (military)  and we moved across the country three months after having a baby.  At first I didn’t know anyone here and I missed family,  but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.   I love my husband and he is well worth being a plane ride away from my family. 

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