Post # 1
My fiancé and I are both virgins. We are somewhat experienced sexually, but only with each other. We are active in what activities we currently partake in, but I’m concerned I won’t be “good enough”. I would like to know how to be more comfortable with myself and my abilities. I talk frequently and openly with him about the night, but mostly in terms of excitement, less about concerns; how can I approach this? I also would like to know how I could start the conversation about gently asking him to do things differently if I don’t like them. I’m really insecure about offending him (I have no need to be), so it will be hard for me to bring up, but I know that if I want him to be willing to tell me if I’m doing something wrong, I have to be willing to tell me. Any advice is much appreciated! Sorry for wordiness! Love ya!
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE
“My fiancé and I are both virgins.”
“We are somewhat experienced sexually”
These two statements don’t make sense together. Just because you haven’t vaginal penetration sex doesn’t make you a virgin. Oral sex is sex. Digital (hands/fingers) sex is sex. Anal sex is sex. Sex with toys or other aids is sex. Otherwise gay men and lesbians would all be virgins.
Aren’t you good enough for him now? If you can’t talk to your fiance about the sex (penetrative or otherwise) you’re having now, then you guys shouldn’t be getting married. You should always be actively communicating during sex to make sure your partner is enjoying themself, and no one should be afraid to inform their partner if they are in pain or need different stimulation than they are receiving.
In short, talk to your Fiance, he’s the only one who can allay your fears about not being good enough.
Post # 3
agree. My Fiance and I were NOT virgins, but waited for eachother. It was great and I am glad we waited. If you are hoping to wait until wedding night, I would stop being too sexual…. I often didn’t feel “good enough” at the start, but things worked out, and it has only gotten beter. Talk to you Fiance about your concerns.
Post # 4
Say exactly what you wrote. Be completely honest. He wants to hear your excited, but he also needs to hear your concerns. Talk to him about both. You never know, he could have some concerns as well.
Post # 5
I also would like to know how I could start the conversation about gently asking him to do things differently if I don’t like them.
Be as simple and direct as possible. You won’t offend anyone if you are simple and direct about a topic or concern that you have. This is your husband-to-be. You have to trust in him, and you have to communicate with him before, during and after intimate moments and intimacy concerns.
Post # 6
To answer your questions:
1) You could try reading and/or watching sex-ed videos to help you feel more comfortable about sex, yourself and your “abilities”.
2) Minimize your excitement talk and focus on concerns. You are building up to what might turn up to be a stressful situation which can lead to major disappointed on both sides (your first time will probably hurt and not me instantly romantic or simple as in movies/books)
3) Unless you say something like “I am scared that you might suck at sex and I won’t have a nice time because of you”, there shouldn’t be any reason for you to offend him by sharing your concerns. Be honest and straight forward.
Post # 8
Thanks Everyone! I’m feeling much better now.
Post # 9
So just calm down first. you and your fiancee are not gonna find out each others likes and dislikes in the first night. heck, you are even gonna find out your own likes and dislikes the first night. have fun, be honest and enjoy each other your first time. and i can promise you even at my age at 45 sometimes, i still gotta pull up my big girl panties and talk to my fiancee about sexual likes and dislikes. our bodies are ever changing.