(Closed) Wedding night disaster. Confused and upset

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
10097 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
12_Elle :  

Abusers don’t need a ‘reason’ to abuse any more than a rattlesnake needs a reason to bite.  It’s what they do.

I wouldn’t necessarily assume that if there is no abuse history, it didn’t happen this time.  OP just married her husband.  It’s quite common for abusers to ratchet up the abuse when a relationship moves up a level.  The abuser feels more confident that he *has* his victim after they marry, move in together, get engaged–whatever makes him feel more secure.

Post # 17
3148 posts
Sugar bee

I have a hard time seeing how you got broken bones from falling out of bed. The bed is probably at most 3 feet off the ground. How does a 3 foot fall cause broken bones??

Post # 18
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

What the actual fuck!? 

Am I reading this correctly??

You smashed your face and your husband did nothing? Holy crap, if I smashed my face my Fiance would have a heart attack and piggy-back me all the way to the emergency room. 

What is wrong with this guy!?!? No sense of urgency….that’s terrifying. 

Bee, I would be asking some hard questions and if I don’t like what I’m hearing, I would also be making some major 180 degree life decisions.

Post # 19
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

This is a very concerning set of circumstances. I would be livid if my husband was acting like yours. I would be livid that he didn’t get help that night, I would be livid at his behavior the next day, and I would be suspicious as hell that he’s not telling the truth about what happened. 

I’m so sorry you are going through this! I don’t know what good advice is for this situation but imagining going through it myself I’d tell him he has exactly 5 seconds to start telling the truth and acting like a caring husband before I start packing my bags.

ETA: And I’d hold onto that marriage license rather than sending it in if you haven’t already.

Post # 20
927 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
sassy411 I agree abusers don’t need a reason and that it’s entirely possible he did hit her. I even said that.

But I also think it’s a little unfair for a bunch of people to jump to the conclusion that he has abused her when there could be any number of other perfectly good explanations. If there’s no history whatsoever of him acting in a controlling or angry way toward her or others in his life and their relationship was previously loving and supportive, it’s just not necessary the most likely cause.

Post # 21
334 posts
Helper bee

Also… bodies usually become limp (which softens impact blows) when drunk which is why drunk drivers usually survive vehicle accidents yet the sober innocents don’t. If you were so black out drunk, by that logic, a 3 foot fall or so from a bed should not have broken your bones like that. 

Also, why is your face the only part that was injured? If you were rolling all around the joint and falling off the bed shouldn’t other parts of your body be injured too? 

Post # 22
1058 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
12_Elle :  Yeah but she already has an actual busted head.  She can’t wait to see if she winds up in a wheelchair next time for the sake of being ‘fair’.

Post # 23
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Whoah, there’s a lot of over-analysis here. Of course it’s possible to badly injure your face in a fall. I’m not saying abuse isn’t possible, but let’s not jump to conclusions.

But as I said before, his later behaviour is very concerning.

OP should try to speak to independent witnesses (i.e. her family and friends at the wedding). Was she really wiped out drunk at the reception? How quickly did it happen? etc

Post # 24
894 posts
Busy bee

Not too sure what happened, but you could have fallen after a few drinks and passed out due to the concussion. You may have forgotten that you fell. 

I slipped on some snow last winter and hit the back of my head pretty hard. I tried to get to my apartment which was a few feet away, swayed and passed out in front of the building, smashing into a pillar. It all happened in a matter of seconds.

I suspect that was what caused you to pass out and not the drinks. Your husband may be drunk as well at that time and so misjudged the severity of your fall, thinking that you’re just drunk too. 

Or like PP said, they may have dropped you while carrying you back and he was too embarrassed to admit dropping you. You could have rolled down the stairs. That would explain broken bones and face.

I don’t think rolling slow motion off the bed will leave you with such crazy injuries. Unless the floor is some kind of marble, uncarpeted and the bed high?

I really hope it’s not due to him hitting you in a drunken stupor! 

Post # 25
322 posts
Helper bee

Was there a bedside table or something that you could have hit your face on when you fell off the bed?

Have you spoken to your brother? Can he confirm that he helped your husband carry you to bed? 

I would get bloods taken if you haven’t already, if you did somehow get drugged then it would still show up I think. Just make a Dr’s appointment (say it’s for a check up if you don’t want your hubby to react) and explain the situation to your doctor – see what they think.

Has your hubby been acting unusual at all??


Get well soon! Hope your face heals quickly.

Post # 26
10097 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m all for not jumping to conclusions.  However, in this case, it just leaps right out at you.  OP did not get her injuries tumbling out of bed.

Maybe it’s unfair to her husband, frankly, I don’t care about him.  There is no margin for error here.  The OP has to get this right or next time could be even worse.  People DIE from concussions.  The doctor said OP had a bad one.  If OP is going to make a miscalculation, I personally would *much* rather she do it on the side of caution.  She cannot afford to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Post # 27
3589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

This is bizarre. What the hell is wrong with him. Even if it all went just as he said, I don’t know why he would not take you to hospital and would try to argue against your diagnosis. Your injuries sound horrific. He should have been freaking out and trying to help you.  

But his version of events doesn’t make sense. You shouldn’t black out from 4 drinks when you can hold your liquor. I drink alcohol like, once a year and 4 drinks still wouldn’t do that to me. Is it possible you had a lot more than that? Or were drugged. And rolling off a bed surely wouldn’t do this. Maybe a nose could possibly break if you thunked right on to it, but a nose eye and jaw fracture?? It doesn’t seem possible. I can’t help but feel that you got hurt some other way, and your husband seems very keen to ignore the injuries. Maybe it wasn’t him but could he be protecting someone else?

I would be going detective mode and asking everyone what they saw that night. I’m so sorry! I hope you can resolve this and he does a 180. 

Post # 28
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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adorabella :  My colleague once got so drunk at a Xmas do I has to put her to bed and she rolled out during the night, hit her head on the nightstand and ended up with concussion for many days, so it is possible that you did exactly that, and that your new husband didn’t realise the extent of your injuries at the time. The worrying fact is that we was so dismissive the next day. If I woke up looking like you described my SO would rush me to hospital, no argument.

Maybe he was scared to make a big deal because it makes him look like the guy that put a ring on it and then immediately beat his bride!?

Post # 29
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Is there someone who was at the wedding you could ask about what they saw? We’re the drinks spaced out? How was your behavior after each drink? Maybe ask the photographer? I think someone may have put something in your drink. After that it gets very weird. I would get my medical records, too, for documentation purposes. 

Post # 30
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Please let us that you are safe.

I know that this post is only a short few hours old, but I have a worried feeling.

If you’re feeling unsafe, please find somewhere to stay.

Please let us know you’re in a safe place.

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