(Closed) Wedding night disaster. Confused and upset

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow bee, it’s very rare that I read a post that freaks me out, but yours definitely does. I think the first order is to talk to someone close to you, a best friend maybe in your bridal party, and ask her what she saw and if her story coincides with your husband’s. If it does, it’s possible that maybe you did hit a table or nightstand like a PP suggested. Did you by chance get up when your husband was sleeping and maybe fall somewhere in the room or the bathroom? If you’re still in the hotel, I would do some detective work and check everywhere you can to see if there is any blood or anything telling as to what and where you hit your face. I don’t believe at all that you can have that much damage just from hitting the floor which is most likely carpet? I’m sure at the most, you would hit your head and your body would be very sore, but I doubt that many fractures would happen just from that one instance. If you did happen to hit your face somewhere, maybe as PPs said, your husband had a little too much to drink as well and now feels bad that he didn’t keep a closer eye on you. If there is no other signs of impact in the room, start questioning your husband! Don’t do it as an accusation, but just more like, “I really don’t remember anything, but I am worried about all the damage that happened to my face…” If he still doesn’t seem to care that much, pay attention to how he talks and if he’s evasive. It’s possible something happened with him or he did something and is now trying to put it off on you. I really hope this isn’t the case, but I would wonder. If it wasn’t something he did, it still would be important to talk to him about how scary it is that you were so hurt and he didn’t show much concern for you. That’s no way to start a marriage. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I can imagine how scared you are. We’re here for you! 

Post # 33
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

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adorabella :  I’m glad to hear you are safe. But in all honesty I would want an annulment too. I can only imagine how he would act in future situations. What happens when you have kids and your toddler falls over and splits his head open on the coffee table? Is he just going to put little Johnny to bed and let him bleed everywhere and neglect to take him to the friggin’ hospital? If my husband did this to me I could never trust him again. It would break the foundation of the relationship. 

Post # 34
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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adorabella :  Well it’s good that he’s showing remorse, but I still don’t know about the whole “falling off the bed” thing. I would tell him to cut the b.s. and just tell you what happened for real. Tell him if you fell, or they accidentally knocked you against a wall or dropped you, you just want to know the truth. If he can’t admit if he made a mistake, especially when it comes to your life, then he’s not trustworthy. If he still insists, I would take some time away for awhile to get your head straight. Also see if you can talk to a specialist to give you more insight about your injuries like a PP suggested. None of us know your husband, so it’s difficult to tell what’s really going on. Another thing that worries me is how much, or technically, how little, you drank but yet you were completely incoherent. It does seem like someone slipped you something but hard to tell who did it since there was probably a lot of people there. Hopefully it’s not as bad as we think and you two just got off to a bad start. What does he say about the drinks? Did you tell him that it’s strange that you were so affected by only 4 drinks??

Post # 35
Member
9869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I guess I just don’t understand how falling out of a bed could cause you go get a black eye and fracture several places in your face.  That being said, I’m glad you talked to your husband and that he was apologetic.  I can understand him being embarassed and not wanting to tell his parents how bad things were, but that doesn’t excuse his ambivalence when you were very hurt.

My best advice is to stop drinking, period.  Don’t put yourself into situations where things like this are more likely to happen.  In time, maybe you’ll realize it was a fluke, or maybe you’ll realize that you want out, but do that with a clear head and all the facts that you can. 

Best of luck.

Post # 36
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

If you were that drunk and that passed out (which does make me wonder if you were drugged), that ALONE should have triggered a “maybe I need to bring her to the hospital” response in your husband and everyone else around you. Then the additional injury? And he did nothing? This isn’t someone who is showing he has your best interest in mind. 

One of my friends married a man who was perfect for the 4 or 5 years they dated, lived together, etc. They got married and it was like a flip switched in him and he became immediately abusive. It was physical ONCE and she kicked him out and got divorced. All in about 6 months. It does happen. People turn in unexpected ways.

Whether by accident (dropped you?) or on purpose, I think he caused your injuries. At the very least he knows what happened and isn’t telling you. Your injuries aren’t consistent with the story you have. And you have a concussion and FACIAL FRACTURES. And he’s LYING to you and other people about what happened. About your diagnosis!!

I wouldn’t trust him at this point. He needs to come clean IMMEDIATELY and whether it was negligence or intent needs to be clear. His negligence could have easily killed you. 

I’m also concerned that if you have zero memory that you were raped. 

Is your family still around? Stay with them until he can provide a story that makes sense. Ask for the security camera footage from the hotel.  And your reception venue. 

I would be seriously considering an annulment too. I can only imagine how tough that would be. But not tougher than signing up for a life where you have to doubt your safety. 

Stay safe!

Post # 37
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

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pancakes11 :  Depending on what was in those drinks and elevation and if she ate food (I definitely didn’t eat on my wedding day, to busy greeting guests, mingling, and taking pictures) can cause a huge impact on how your body reacts to alcohol. First hand experience, went to New Orleans for the first time, had a couple hurricanes spread out multiple hours, and my poor husband had to carry my ass back to the hotel. It happens. 

Post # 38
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee

My post was eaten, but most of the things in your update, OP, were things I touched on.  There are too many factors for drugged and abused to be more than speculation (for what it is worth, between jetlag, dehydration, lack of food, medication reactions, stronger than usual celebratory drinks – there are numerous ways to get that drunk on four drinks even if you usually don’t), but even if you’re willing to set aside those possibilities you are still left with a human being who has so little empathy and compassion that he left someone bleeding with obvious head trauma to just lie there.  Even if you aren’t composed in an emergency and don’t know what action to take, you don’t just do nothing.  And then continue to do nothing when the person luckily wakes up. And then continue to do nothing until the person practically begs to be seen by a doctor because they won’t stop bleeding.  And then treat the person like a liar.  That is some straight up sociopathic behavior  (I am not making a diagnosis, just characterizing the behavior).  

This has nothing to do with “being a better husband”.  He thought he would be better because his dad was a good role model? What even is that?  This is about not being a shitty human being.  No decent human being would treat any other living creature that way, let alone the person they married just hours before.  And even if you believe him, that means he put his pride over your safety and well-being.  You are not safe with this person.  It doesn’t matter if he laid a finger on you or not.  You are not safe with a person who lacks empathy and basic human compassion.

Post # 39
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow, Bee. I am so sorry. 

It does sound as if you may have been drugged. Did the ER do any blood work? I’m wondering if your H or his brother smacked your head hard into a wall when they were carrying you. Even if it happened accidentally his choice to not get help for you is frightening. And then lying to his parents?! There is something really off and troubling about his behavior. 

Have you spoken to hotel staff? I wonder if they may have security video showing how you got to your room…

Post # 40
Member
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You could have died. What story would he have told your parents if that happened? Would he tell them that he let you bleed profusely after a traumatic head injury and couldn’t even be bothered to throw an ice pack your way? I’m sorry, I couldn’t spend my life with someone who had either so little regard, or so little common sense, as to seek medical attention for me after something like that happened. 

Yeah he apologized, but what was his excuse? Was he scared? Did he just not think it was a big deal? He can only have been so drunk if he and another person were able to carry you back to the room, because you don’t have drunk people carry other drunk people anywhere.

I would definitely ask other people about your behavior that night and if they noticed any usual our sudden shifts in your mood or actions. His version just can’t be trusted without a second source. And I second PPs suggestion to get blood work done.

Post # 41
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

Hi this is really worrying, to fracture facial bones takes quite a lot of force, 

 

forces that are required to produce a fracture of the facial bones are as follows:

  • <div class=”topbullet”>Nasal fracture – 30 g</div>
  • <div class=”topbullet”>Zygoma fractures – 50 g (cheek)</div>
  • <div class=”topbullet”>Mandibular (angle) fractures – 70 g (jaw)</div>
  • <div class=”topbullet”>Frontal region fractures – 80 g</div>
  • <div class=”topbullet”>Maxillary (midline) fractures – 100 g (next to nose)</div>
  • <div class=”topbullet”>Mandibular (midline) fractures – 100 g (jaw)</div>
  • <div class=”topbullet”>Supraorbital rim fractures – 200 g” (above your eye)</div>

G is grams of weight you need to put behind to fracture each bone.

 

30 g is about equivalent to a good weighted punch

 *edit* sorry about the tags

Post # 42
Member
13538 posts
Honey Beekeeper

H’s actions are shady and untrustworthy. Best case scenario, he was drunk or lacking in any empathy and has the sense and maturity of an infant. Worst is that he and his brother slipped you something, he got angry at something you said while out of it, or he knows exactly what happened and is lying. 

I would get drug tested and consult medical experts to figure out what could have caused this.

Post # 43
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

I think you should go to a doctor ASAP to get more information on your injuries and then take it from there. He could have dropped you helping you back to your room, and your concussion and injuries could be causing the blackout, rather than the alcohol consumed. Could you ask his brother for his account of events? It just sounds very suspect. Maybe it’s because I’m Irish, but four drinks is nothing here and there’s no way that would cause that level of blackout.

Post # 44
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t think this is your husband’s fault. You got black out drunk. You fell off the bed onto your face. That’s all on you.

 

Maybe it wasn’t his idea of a perfect wedding night to have his wife blackout drunk, have to carry her to the hotel room and then take her to the hospital and what not as his honeymoon. Do you care about this guy at all? Because, if you were my spouse, I’d be giving you major side eye after your performance on The Wedding Day. 

Maybe he’s wondering what kind of person he married, as well?

You guys need to just move past this. Seriously.

Post # 45
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

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jannigirl :  are you actually shitting me??? 

She’s got a broken nose, multiple broken bones in her face and her husband DIDN’T take her to the hospital, he left her in bed to BLEED everywhere, did you even bother to read it?

Jeez louise

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