(Closed) Wedding night disaster. Confused and upset

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

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jannigirl :  I. Can’t. Even.

I sure hope that your SO doesn’t just ignore you when you smash your face up and are bleeding out everywhere because you misjudged and drank too much or God forbid got drugged by some crazy person! 

And seriously, if you think how OP’s husband acted was acceptable you seriously need counselling to understand what is healthy and what is not in a relationship. Because NO decent partner would just sit idly by if their SO was in such a condition.

That’s just disgusting.

Post # 47
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

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jannigirl :  Cool victim blaming. 

Post # 48
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

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annabananabee :  +1

“what even is that?”

 

It’s a load of exteaneous sentimental bullshit & a way to deflect attention from something bad.

 

You don’t “learn” how to give a crap when your wife almost dies.

Post # 49
Member
2547 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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whoswho :  let me put it this way. If a Bee came on here and said they had to carry their blackout drunk husband up to their hotel room on their wedding night. Then, even though they were drunk themselves,  they were being blamed and accused of doping their husband, because he fell off the bed and broke bones in his face. And that all of his friends suggested that they get an annulment because she must be a terrible spouse for not immediately recognizing that her husband had broken his face during his drunken fall, you’d be okay with that. You would tell the newly married wife that her new husband was perfectly justified in wanting to annul the  marriage because she was a terrible person? Really? Or would you feel bad for her that her husband was treating her so poorly, even though his injuries were cause by his own drinking? Seriously. 

The gal got drunk, she fell off the bed and landed on her face which caused broken bones. Things like that happen. She’s an adult. Quit blaming her husband for her bad judgment and poor performance. I’m actually feeling really sorry for the guy.

And the next time she gets blackout drunk and something bad happens, is that going to be his fault too? Is he her dad, now?

This gal could very well trash her new marriage based on internet bad advice. She needs to own up to her own behavior, chalk most of it up to bad luck, and move on.

Post # 50
Member
2547 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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sarahparkview :  victim blaming? So, now she’s a victim?  Wow. Bees have lost their freaking minds! 

Post # 51
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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jannigirl :  You just don’t get it.

We (or at least some of us) are not blaming him for the injury per se. We’re blaming him for his total inaction and lack of sympathy, his probable lying to her, and certainly his lying and putting her down in front of his parents.

If a bee came on here and said she didn’t do a thing while her husband had multiple broken bones, and then lied to his parents about how serious it was, you bet I wouldn’t have a lot of sympathy if her husband wanted the marriage annulled.

To the OP, his explanation that he didn’t want to look bad in front of his parents makes no sense. Why is it so bad to tell your parents your wife fell and got concussed? Why is it better to instead contradict and argue with his wife who’s already injured and distressed?

Post # 52
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Did someone drug you? I would have gotten drug tested why I was there. For your to pass out and not feel any of that is not possible! You either had to have been drinking more or someone drugged you. Your husbands reaction is horrifying and I would be filing for divorce in my opinion. 

Post # 53
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

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jannigirl :  so no, you didn’t read it, cool. Good to know.

the injuries to her face aren’t just from a “fall” I specifically posted what force it takes to break bones in the face, to break a jaw bone is an obscene amount of force, people in car crashes rarely break bones in their face.

The advice would be the same if a man came and posted this, what happened isn’t that she came on and had to be carried to bed and everything was a-ok, its that she bled everywhere and has broken bones in her nose, cheekbone and jaw, along with a black eye and a bad concussion.

 

i’m going to say this slowly so you get it… THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN FROM A FALL. unless she fell 10ft plus, you clearly have issues 

 

having broken bones in your face, having blood everywhere isn’t “bad luck”

Post # 54
Member
334 posts
Helper bee

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jannigirl :  Nobody don’t even knows if she got drunk! She could have been drugged!

And to answer your question, if the roles were reversed, and the female was complaining about having to carry her drunk husband to his room and being blamed for his injuries I would still have told her that it was appalling she didn’t call the ambulance and that she should be ashamed of herself for letting her husband go without medical assistance in such a state regardless of how mad she was at his behaviour.

And let’s say she did drink too much, he can be mad at her behaviour all he wants after she has been seen by a doctor. He doesn’t get to dismiss her injuries and mess with her life because his feelings have been hurt. 

Post # 55
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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adorabella :   I just wanted to add that i went to a work xmas party one time, and as it was a work do, i was modest in my alcohol consumption (roughly one beer per hour).  I was a bit tipsy but nothing near drunk.  I fell down a flight of stairs due to wearing large heels, and hit my head.   I dont remember that, or the events that followed.  Ive been told that straight after, i started acting extremely messy drunk. Even my Fiance who saw how little i had drunk, thought i was drunk.  I was really mean to my Fiance, ran away from him and caught an hour long train home, calling my relative at midnight to ramble about all sorts of things.  I woke up with a shiner of a black eye and Fiance took me to the docs where i was diagnosed with a bad concussion.  Concussion can definitely  be mistaken as drunk, which makes me wonder, maybe you injured yourself before being sent to bed (and ppl didnt see it?), and your husband didnt realise? Thats whyyou started acting wasted -Then you further injured yourself by rolling off the bed.  To me that fits your memory the best,  i would start with quizzing other guests you trust.

I think its highly unlikely someone drugged you as the bride of your wedding.  Just doesnt make any sense to me.  

I DO think its possible your husband hit you, however if you have lived together and he has never had any red flags, it doesnt seem super likely to me.

I do think your husbands behaviour the next day was either shady, or super insensitive.  This is where the undesputed issue is and i would personally ask for some time alone as a minimum, to process.  Not understanding the severity of your injuries on the night is one thing, but refusing medical help and downplaying your injuries in the light of day is another.  

So sorry about your wedding night bee

Post # 56
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

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whoswho :  Not to mention, I’m pretty sure victim blaming is just the general act of shaming and blaming people in situations where they were or MIGHT have been abused.  Domestic violence is under reported enough as it is without people saying things like “you shouldn’t have drank that much”.  Nobody is calling for the husband to be hanged, they are telling OP to protect herself because it is better to be safe than sorry next time.  Planting these types of seeds of doubt are dangerous to OP and to anybody in a similar situation who reads this.

 

Post # 57
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, this definitely doesn’t add up- you don’t get those types of injuries from falling out of a bed. You just don’t. My mother recently had an accident, basically she was running outside, lost her balance and face planted into the driveway. She had a swollen face, scratches and bruises and maybe (the doctor couldn’t tell for sure) cracked her nose at the worst. Nothing broken, no concussion (and she definitely hit her head).

Obviously I know that one person having X injuries and one person having Y injuries doesn’t necessarily mean anything- there are lots of other factors that can contribute to any resulting injuries- but I just don’t see how someone face planting with some momentum behind them can result in way less severe injuries than someone falling out of a bed.

I think that something else happened (and not necessarily anything sinister- was your husband also drunk?) and he just doesn’t want to tell you because he’s embarassed/ashamed.

Post # 58
Member
5059 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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jannigirl :  

How do you even break bones in your face by rolling off the bed, as her husband put It?

How do you get blackout drunk after only 4 drinks?

Why would her husband downplay what the Dr says?

I’m not sure why you feel the need to blame op for having the audacity to drink, but even if her husband WAS only annoyed, his behavior showed an extreme lack of caring for his new bride.

This blame the woman for having a few drinks thing is vomit inducing.

Post # 59
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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jannigirl : [content moderated for name calling] I don’t care if she had 12 drinks and was dancing nude on the bar at her own wedding…her husband is still an unfeeling, negligent asshole for allowing her to bleed all over the bed and do nothing and then deliberately lie to his parents about the extent of her injuries.

OP, ever heard the term gaslighting? Because that’s exactly what he did. You were both at the doctor. You both heard the doctor tell you you had a concussion. But then he told his parents, in front of you, that you did not have a concussion. You’re the one with the concussion, dizzy and confused, and now he’s making you doubt your own sanity. Has he ever used this tactic before on you? It’s one of the most pernicious methods of emotional abuse.

I am also side eying the fell off the bed story. I just don’t see how you get a black eye from falling off the bed unless you could have somehow knocked your eye on the corner of the night stand or something. This whole thing is fishy as fuck. I would visit a doctor by yourself and ask their honest opinion about what happened. and I would strongly consider the annulment. I just don’t see how you rebuild trust after an episode like that.

Post # 60
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If you are still in the 72 hour window from when this happened, go get drug tested. Some date rape drugs remain in the system for that long and can be detected. Go to the security desk at the hotel and ask to see the tapes of the night of your husband carrying you to see if there was a misstep or if something happened in the halls also see if there are tapes from the bar. Get as much information as you can. Look for blood on the walls, under the bed, on the corner of the nightstand. Go to the doctor (alone) and ask what kind of accident caused this.  Take pictures and document everything you find. Send the information to another friend in case your husband finds and destroys your evidence. You need to start to build a case for yourself. This is all very scary and super suspicious. A normal, loving husband would do anything to take care of you in your worst moments. He is being too shady. 

Good luck!

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