(Closed) wedding night help

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@Expelliarmus:  hey, just thought of this–if you’re 25, doesn’t that mean you can be on your parents’ health insurance, at least for the time you have left until you’re 26? ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 18
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

As a lot of PPs said, LUBE! Also (this might be TMI), when I knew I was going to lose my virginity, I would insert a finger in myself in the shower. As I became comfortable with that I increased to two fingers. It REALLY helped a ton with the pain/uncomfortableness factor when I eventually had sex.

And then I had sex with my SO after no sex or tampons for over 14 months, it was like I was a virgin again! But WORSE since I didn’t do the stretching thing this time. Seriously, it’s something to consider.

Post # 19
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

 I agree with the statements about lube, also I’d go with plain condoms. We’ve been married for almost 5 months and I STILL can’t stand any of the ribbed/fancy pants ones! 

 I got a UTI on our honeymoon and it was the pits, don’t let yourself get dehydrated like I did!!! Drink lots of water and like a PP said don’t let him ‘jam’ because my dr said that if they hit your urethra a lot it can cause UTI’s also. 

 Also don’t be afraid to laugh at yourselves! Dh and I were both virgins and some things were just really amusing! This will also help you relax ๐Ÿ™‚ We read a few books that helped one was The Act of Marriage and the other was Sheet Music, they’re both by Christian authors and were a good resource. 

Post # 20
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My husband and I were virgins until our honeymoon as well. I also had never used tampons, so I know how nervous you are feeling right now. I was terrified about it being painful.

For me, it was really painful – I’m not going to lie. But I communicated this to my husband and we took things really slow. It was really painful for the first 3 days, but after that, it hurt a lot less. Of course, we’re all different, so you may not feel any pain at all. =)

I also suggest what another bee suggested – at first, do positions where you’re in charge because they are a lot less painful. And lots of foreplay and lube. 


Post # 21
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@SunnyBunny:  I can’t stand any of the ribbed condoms. They’re awful!

Post # 22
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

OP, this isn’t going to be helpful and I really do apologize in advance, but you girls are all talking like it’s impossible to go to the doctor when you dont have insurance!  I was without for 3 years and went every year for my physical to renew my birth control Rx.  It’s not impossible!  But if there is a planned parenthood or something similar in your area, that would definitely be a lower-cost option.

And in an attempt to be helpful, OP I wouldn’t worry about stretching yourself out, my first time I had not a clue what was going on – I didn’t really know how sex worked despite health classes LOL.  But I didn’t feel pain or bleed afterword so dont’ assume that is going to happen but like PP’s have said it’d be a plus to be ready with a pantiliner just in case.

Dont’ worry, enjoy! ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 23
4953 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My first time was SOOO painful. I don’t handle pain very well, so I’m sure that had something to do with it. I took 2 ibuprofen right before and it helped. We’d been trying to do it for a few days, but it had been so painful for me that I’d had to stop. I knew it’d get better after the first few times. I got through it. FH tried to make it as good as possible, but that really was impossible. 

Lube (just plain, water-based) is definitely good to keep on hand. Oil-based breaks down condoms, so don’t use that until you’re on the pill. 

Be open and honest and talk a lot. Sex is weird, especially the first time. Don’t expect anything wonderful for a little while. It’ll get a LOT better as you two figure each other out. 

And go pee immediate afterwards. Every time. 

Post # 24
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think the most important thing about losing your virginity is communicating with your partner. You have to tell them this feels good, that doesn’t do anything for me, that hurts ect. I’m on the quiet side and my partner had to ask me for feed back quite a bit. It didn’t come naturally to me and it felt pretty awkward for a long time, but I don’t really think about it anymore. My hymen was partially broken (horseback riding) before I lost my virginity, but even so I still bled a bit and had to wash the sheets. Also definitely have panty liners on hand; I still need one after sex because there are just a lot more juices going on than my normal day to day level. I too took a lot of ibuprofen during my early sexual days and it definitely helped.

Post # 26
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND (and your Hubby’s too)

Condoms are generally latex, and can cause friction (a good thing for slowing a guy down, and overall enjoyment after you get past early days … but also a bad thing if your body isn’t prepped to party)

Lube will make things far more enjoyable for both of you.  I too am a fan of Astroglide.

And be aware, that it might take awhile to get this whole sex thing to a point where it is enjoyable for either of you / both of you.

There have certainly been couples who spent their honeymoons “trying to get there” and not succeeding

(Another reason I am not a fan of waiting to have sex… if one is planning to be married anyhow.  IMO Honeymoons should be relaxing and a naturally enjoyable time… not a time to be stressing out about “what does he think”… “what does she think”… “will this ever happen for us”… “oh my gosh, our honeymoon is over, and we still haven’t completed the task / she hasn’t had an orgasm… whatever”).  WAAAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE IMO

Honestly, tho the more prep-work you do upfront such as visit a Doctor, get reliable Birth Control (start now), read books together etc… the more enjoyable this “awkward” stage about sex will be.

Having a great sex life is amazing … and the more educated you are about the subject and your bodies, the better it can be.

Hope this helps,


Post # 27
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I just bought “Sheet Music” by Kevin Leman.  Very helpful book – answers a lot of questions I’ve been too embarrassed to ask. 

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