(Closed) Wedding not "fancy" enough?

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 16
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

He should have given his opinion when you asked. I’m sorta in a similar situation. My Future Mother-In-Law fails to realize we are paying for this. I love her and she is a sweetheart but I’m not paying for someone elses dream wedding. If they want a big blown out wedding then they can pay for it. It is your wedding, your fiance needs to remember this is about you and him. His mom and dad can either help more or shut up. Putting pressure and stress on you isn’t getting them anywhere. Just try not to let it get to you. Just talk to your fiance he needs to back you up.

Post # 17
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
peas_and_carrots:  You are worried about the wrong thing. You and your Fiance are not communicating properly. If he flat out refused to talk about your wedding- yours AND his- and tell you at all what he wants, you need to head to therapy and work this out asap. The feelings of inferiority you have towards his family will soon merge into your feelings for him. Fix this first before you fix the flowers. 

Post # 18
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
peas_and_carrots:  Oh, wow. Yikes. I am a “less is more” kinda gal myself. And huge, fancy wedding seem a little self-indulgant (*gasp!*). But I agree with others who said that you and your Fiance need to come up with something together you are both okay with. 

It’s about your relationship. 

Be damned everyone elses’ expectations. Even his snobby parents’ and their delightful social circle.

Post # 19
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
peas_and_carrots: hopefully you can upgrade the flowers. Mums are pretty high school football game to me. 

Check out whole foods. We did 1 bridal bouquet, 4 bridesmaids bouquets, 12 centerpieces and accent florals for < $500 and zero DIY — we had a lot of flowers!!

The bouquets alone were $285, and the rest we’re centerpieces and accents. No one knew they were from whole foods because we nixed any grocery store flowers look. 

The rest of it, they can build a bridge and get over it. You want it, you buy it is a pretty good philosophy I apply to my Mother-In-Law. 

She’s got champagne taste and likes to use us as ATMs, so we’re pretty good at drawing financial boundaries. Key is to do so as a team. and pricehack. 

Good luck!

Post # 21
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee

Can you create a spreadsheet and discuss the budget and any changes your fiance would like? He might not understand how much everyting will cost. 

Post # 22
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

Your in-laws sound like assholes. they’re not footing the bill for “the fanciness” so they can shove it. And shame on your Fiance for refusing to voice an opinion on the beginning and then guilting you over not having his way now!!!

For the record, I think what you have planned now sounds gorgeous, and 15K is NOT a small chunk of change. 

I wouldn’t change a thing that you have planned. Not a darn thing. 

Post # 23
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

“He refused to tell me this back when we were planning because he didn’t want to make me feel bad about the fact that I couldn’t give him that”

Why is he saying this now when he knows he’s making you feel bad then? Honestly your fiancés attitude is the problem here, why is it your job to give him a wedding? It’s a wedding for both of you and if he had an opinion he should have helped out with planning and paying for it. It’s terrible that he’s raising this now after everything is booked. If he wants a different wedding then he should be in charge of planning it himself. And don’t accept any more money from your mum, she shouldn’t have to pay more to try to impress these people.

Post # 24
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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peas_and_carrots:  um, are we the same person? Your wedding scenario sounds so much like mine! 

and KUDOS for doing a nice sit down dinner wedding for $15000!!! I know you budgeted the hell out of that mug!

look, my DH also started having second thoughts about the fancy-ness of our reception – mostly cause his mom is caught up in that stuff. But I just told him “this is what we’re doing, if you wanted something different you should have spoken up sooner.” And that took care of him. 🙂 (trust me, he had plenty of opportunities to speak up!)

As for Mother-In-Law there were somethings at the last minute she really wanted (after her intial list, which we accommodated). I flat out told her it wasn’t in our budget and if she really wanted it then she could pay for it. And yes, her family also contributed cash to our reception. We’d planned a wedding based on our budget and all the money had been spoken for. 

 

 

Post # 25
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
peas_and_carrots:  his parents gave us $10k for the wedding, but made a big show out of the fact that in their “social circle,” the bride’s family always pays for everything, and that they were “taken by surprise” that my mother couldn’t foot the whole bill.

They’re surprised? Oh, well.

 

This is THEIR problem, not yours.

 

And since your fiance didn’t speak up earlier, he should be backing you up on this rather than telling you he would have rather had something else at this stage in the game.

Post # 26
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
peas_and_carrots:  If they want a 50K wedding, they should have paid for the entire thing. Please don’t accept your moms money and continue along with your plan. It sounds lovely! 🙂 

Post # 27
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow. He had his chance to shape the wedding, so he’s too late now. His family should not be demanding this type of lavish affair out of respect to you. It’s pretty snooty to be so superficial and petty about the tradition of who pays for the wedding. They are forgetting the whole point of the wedding: you and Fiance are marrying. The party is secondary. Keep on with your original plans and just ignore their negativity.

Post # 28
Member
8408 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
peas_and_carrots:  “I couldn’t give him that” — What? Why would it be your job to “give him” a wedding? How much is he kicking in? I missed that somewhere.

Post # 30
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I would discuss your feelings more with your fiancé. If he can’t appreciate your mother’s incredibly generous gift as a single mother, he sounds like a jerk. It’s one thing for his side to have expectations, another for him to have them. What was the point of holding back his feelings initially to spare your feelings only to tell you anyway when there’s nothing you can do about it now?  What other expectations does he have for your home? Car? Lifestyle?  

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Tell him to give concrete examples of what constitites “fancy” and to contribute. Maybe plate chargers? Musician during cocktail hour?

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