Post # 1
So I am white and my fh is black. I have two children, and at there birthday party this year I noticed how our families sat at two different tables. This got me thinking. At my wedding I do not want it to look like segregation!!!!! I plan to have my ushers fill up aisles with whoever comes in at the time and not seat them by sides. I have seen cute signs that say pick a seat not a side. Do you have any other suggestions for wording since the ushers will still be seating them?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2017 - Downtown Riverfront Cafe
Sign idea: “One <3: Let’s get together and feel alright.” -Mr. Marley 😉
While seating, you can just have the ushers alternate sides. One guest to the right, next to the left, so that the seating is even and there is a rhythm to it. At the reception, the sign would be cute and I’ve heard of games at the table like when a certain song is playing, an entire table should clang their glasses for the bride and groom to kiss or hoot like sports enthusiasts to get the groom to get down. It brings guests together in a fun and creative way.
Post # 4
Are you having a rehearsal dinner? It would be great if you can make some introductions there and quietly ask a few people you trust on both sides to make a point to sit with the folks they meet. I think this is also a nice gesture if you have people who don’t know many of the other guests or who don’t ave dates. Once the music starts, the dance floor will bring everyone together.
Post # 6
My husband and I had such a bad experience at his college graduation (when we were engaged) that we didn’t invite any family to our wedding. I suggest that you talk openly to your family before the wedding and try to reach them as best as you can. As painful as it may be, I would recommend that you let your family know up front that they are not welcome at your wedding if they are not going to accept your new partner in life and treat his family with respect. If you tolerate nastiness up front towards your future spouse or his family and vice versa, it’s only your marriage that will suffer. So tell everyone to get on board or jump ship!
Hope that didn’t sound to harsh but it’s a hard lesson we had to learn.
Post # 7
@BENSBOO: There shouldnt be any signs at all because what that says is there is a difference. My usher are just seating people as the come in they will usher them in. We dont have a bride side or a groom side we are have a wedding.
Take the spot light of the race you get enough of that in society and get back to the love you have for each other that is what everyone needs to see. Not signs remindering everybody that you are different it is obvious but they should see love, togetherness, and happiness. I hope you take my advice and dont put the signs up PLEASE! It will only cause more diversion because they will segregate just to upset you. You are telling them what they should do.
I HAVE DATED INTERRACIALLY FOR MORE THAN HAVE MY LIFE (I am 48) AND I KNOW PUTTING A SPOT LIGHT ON THE RELATIONSHIP ONLY UPSET PEOPLE WHEN THEY ALREADY DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE.
Post # 8
I think it helps to remember that sometime people don’t segregate because they don’t like the other side but just because they don’t know them as well. And if all your family is one race and your FI’s family is another race and the families just each sit with their own relatives, it looks awkward. So I’d try to have some pre-wedding mixers for people to get to know each other better. And then just having the ushers alternate sides for seating sounds good, and if you are having assigned seating at dinner, assign based on interests and who you think will get along with who, and maybe put little tips for convo topics on their card, like “Cousin A, FI’s Cousin B also loves to eat at that sushi restaurant you love!” etc to break the ice a little.
Post # 9
I think it is just the case of sticking with those you know the best. I think having ushers just fill in from the front would be the best way to go. I know that my family will be more interested in talking to each other vs getting to know FIs family, but I hope too be able to mix people up a bit
Post # 10
@BENSBOO: That’s nice, but I’m worrying that maybe the ‘cute signs’ will create tension where there is none, you know? Do you think it is genuinely to do with colour or just people wanting to sit and interact more with their family? If it’s not all to do with race then I’d be worried you’d embarass people by implying that they’re racists.
Sometimes it’s just easier at birthday parties and such to sit with people you know how to talk to rather than making awkward conversation with those you don’t. I’m not defending anyone’s actions here. Just wondering if it’s all to do with race or just that the two sides never really clicked?