Wedding on a milestone birthday?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you set a wedding date on a close family member's milestone birthday?
    Yes! Weddings trump birthdays. : (8 votes)
    17 %
    Yes, if you acknowledge that person at the wedding. : (5 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, if you ask and the birthday girl or boy agrees. : (14 votes)
    29 %
    No, don't bother opening up that can of worms. : (21 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee

    Why is that particular date you and your fiance’s favourite? If it’s your anniversary I’d understand why you’d want that date. But generally, weddings can happen any weekend of the year, while your aunt’s 80th birthday only happens on that one date. And while your idea for having a birthday cake and song is really nice, I personally wouldn’t want to be celebrating someone else’s birthday on my wedding day.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2130 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Being totally honest I think it’s rude. And I think singing happy birthday, having a special cake, etc is 100% cringe for everyone.

    You can get married on ANY day, surely you can avoid birthdays? If you’re already feeling guilty, find another date bee. 

    ETA: I don’t like the idea of asking them either, I think you put people in a position where they feel like they have to say yes. I would feel really awkward if someone asked me if it was okay to have their wedding on my birthday. Would probably want to say no but would say yes out of guilt. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1352 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

     I agree with PPs. What’s so special about that date for your wedding? Can’t you just have your wedding the weekend before or have it after Thanksgiving?

    Post # 5
    Member
    2109 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Only you know your aunt and how she would feel. Talk to her. We got married on my dad’s birthday and he LOVED it. Was so excited during wedding planning that “the day will be twice as awesome from now on”. We’ve been married two years and still, anytime he talks about our wedding he always throws in that it was his birthday and looks so proud. 

    Your aunt could think it was rude or she could be 100% fine with it. You know her best. Can you ask your mom if she thinks your aunt would care?

    ETA- Actually, I’m sorta changing my advice from what I wrote above to what I’m sure is an even more unpopular opinion. In my opinion, you don’t really need to get her permission to have your wedding on her birthday. It’s nice of you if you do.

    When does it end? Darling Husband has 8 blood relation aunts and uncles. All are married, so that’s 16 people. I have 5 blood relation aunts and uncles. All married, so that is 10 more. They are all married as well. Add in our 4 parents, 3 siblings, and our 5 collective grandparents. That’s 38 birthdays that we would need to avoid in planning our wedding.

    Are cousins’ birthdays off-limits too? Because Darling Husband has 16 and some of them are married. I have 8 and some of them are married. True, not all of those people would be celebrating milestone birthdays at once, but it’s still their birthdays… Life happens and nobody has a monopoly on a day. I would be more than happy to attend the wedding of any of the people I’ve listed above on my birthday, no matter what birthday it is.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1695 posts
    Bumble bee

    annalisarose :  I am only a few years away from the same milestone birthday. If one of my grand-nieces were to schedule a wedding on that day — guaranteeing me a good representation of the family gathered around, and with all the thoughtful details like cake and dance that you mention above, I would be over the moon! It’s the brides who don’t want to share their wedding day with an elder’s birthday that make me cringe, not the ones who are happy and generous and want to share that happiness. By all means, offer to share your wedding day with her birthday. If she isn’t delighted, then choose the alternate date — but if she is also a happy and generous person then I cannot imagine her declining.

    Post # 11
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Honestly, I think this is dumb. What’s a “cool date?!”. Having it the weekend after thanksgiving is not rude, you’re making that up to feel better about having about it on your aunts birthday. There’s so many weekends in the year. Pick a different one. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    There’s only so many more birthdays you get when you’re 80. Let her have a party. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1211 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Depends on the person! My cousin’s wedding was the same day as her brother’s 21st birthday, and he was fine with it! She surprised him by bringing out birthday hats, and then we conspired to start singing “Happy Birthday” to him as soon as he got up to give his toast. 

    That said, it was in the middle of the summer (so not like it pre-empted any college buddies’ plans) and he wasn’t really the type to go out for a huge rager/bender anyway for his birthday. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    annalisarose :  I got married to my ex on my grandpa’s 80th birthday. I was young and the marriage lasted less than two years. However, all of my grandpa’s subsequent birthdays were a reminder of my failed marriage and another anniversary that should have occurred, so that part was not ideal. 

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