Wedding on a milestone birthday?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you set a wedding date on a close family member's milestone birthday?
    Yes! Weddings trump birthdays. : (8 votes)
    17 %
    Yes, if you acknowledge that person at the wedding. : (5 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, if you ask and the birthday girl or boy agrees. : (14 votes)
    29 %
    No, don't bother opening up that can of worms. : (21 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 17
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    No I’d say that to your face. An 80th birthday might be the last milestone she gets. If you’re cool with that, you do you. But your fixation on a specific date becaue it’s “cool” is bridezilla-ish. 

    Post # 19
    9805 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    I wouldn’t purposely scheduled on someone’s birthday. It puts the family in the weird position of deciding which thing to celebrate and feelings will get hurt some where for someone.

    Post # 20
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    annalisarose :  I’m in the minority here, but I don’t really see the big deal of having a wedding the same day as a birthday, milestone or not. If that person and their family would rather celebrate the birthday and skip the wedding, that’s their choice, as long as you’re ok with the possibility of people declining if they already have something planned. A cousin of mine had their wedding on my 21st birthday. I almost didn’t go so I could stay home and celebrate by going out with friends, but I ended up going and I had an awesome time since I was legally able to drink. No one made mention of my birthday (except for my immediate family of course), but they didn’t make an announcement or anything and I was fine.. I went out the following weekend with my friends and had a blast then as well. Weddings aren’t the only celebrations that can be moved. I almost never celebrate my birthday on the actual day. Life happens, people are busy. If that date is really that important to you (for whatever reason, don’t feel like you have to justify why it’s important to you), then have it that day. If your aunt declines, be graceful about it, and enjoy your wedding! 

    ETA: if you move your wedding date because of one guests birthday, it’s only fair to make sure you’re not making the new date on someone else’s birthday and to me, it wouldn’t be worth all that trouble. Someone is always going to have a scheduling conflict and won’t be able to make it. You can’t make everyone happy, so have the wedding when you want it. If you do, maybe make an announcement about your aunts birthday. It would take less than 5 minutes, and I think that would keep everyone happy. 

    Post # 21
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I just read through your updates and saw that you went with your original date! Good for you! Funny thing is, 11/16 is actually MY birthday!! Haha so enjoy it! It’s a good day! 😉😜

    Post # 22
    3312 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I feel like it was her birthday first. Have your wedding the following weekend.

    Post # 23
    6566 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If you invite 200+ people, its incredibly likely that someone has a birthday that day or close to it. You can’t change things for everyone. I don’t think this is an issue personally.

    Post # 25
    532 posts
    Busy bee

    annalisarose :  I think it wasn’t clear from your other update that you changed the date to the day BEFORE your aunt’s birthday (so 11/16 instead of 11/17). That’s why it initially sounded like you decided to go along with your plan anyway and keep it on the same day.

    Having it ON her milestone birthday (assuming you’re close to her) would have been super inconsiderate. But I think this way is absolutely fine. Plus, now she’ll have all the family over together to celebrate with her the next day.

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