Post # 1
So, I’ve always wanted to have a wedding but when we got engaged I thought it would be better to use that money towards buying a house and then maybe later have a small wedding but My fiance insisted that we should have a wedding and then buy a house. So since then I’ve been super excited with all of the wedding planning …until yesterday!
My fiance suggested that maybe we should just use all the money we are going to spend on the wedding, as a down payment to buy our own house.
I know I shouldn’t be upset but I am. He’s been married before, he had the whole wedding thing. I’ve never been married! I don’t understand why he tried so hard to convince me to have a wedding and now that he see’s that I’m super excited, he just pops my bubble by changing his mind.
My sister and My mom say I’m being spoiled but I don’t think I am.
My thoughts are why can’t we do both at the same time?
We aren’t spending much on the wedding because my family and his family have offered to pay for most of it. The only things for the wedding we are covering are the linens, decor, grooms cake, and the candy buffet. Everything else is taken care of and Even if they hadn’t offered, we could still do both.
Now I feel like he doesn’t want a wedding so now I feel bad if I insist on it?
How do I handle this?
Post # 3
I don’t think your acting spoiled at all.
My Fiance has been married before and I have not. When I told him our Destination Wedding was at a certain amount he scoffed and said “my wedding with G didn’t even cost that!!” I raised an eyebrow and took a deep breath and pointed out that considering the Army paid for half their wedding, that isn’t it impressive I’ve managed to budget a wedding that WE are paying for nearly the same amount? lol
Men are just clueless when it comes to wedding planning/costs.
My suggestion is sit down and go over actual costs of what you are going to have to pay for and create a compromise, so you can do the both.
Also make it clear to him that you are over the moon about your one and only wedding to the man you love and it’s important to you for it to be a priority in life along with others.
Post # 5
@Oneeleven: Thank you for your advice. My fiance has also mentioned that this wedding is costing way more than his first and I also did the same I had to take a few deep breaths and then I said “I’ve seen pictures of your first wedding and yea I’m not impressed!” lol
He just called me at work and told me that he was sorry, that the way he said it last night wasn’t how he meant it. He said he wants to do both. It was kind of weird when he called cause I didn’t mention anything about being upset to him last night. lol
Now I’m excited again!
Post # 6
Yay!! Thats awesome. Good for him.
Seriously, men just don’t think sometimes when they speak.
I’m happy it seems to be turning out for you!
Post # 7
@Oneeleven: Thank you! & no, they definately don’t think sometimes. LOL
Post # 8
I don’t think there should be any reason for you not to have your big day! As for me, we are having a wedding, we wanted a small one but we can’t really do that because his family and mine as well is so big, plus our friends. So we decided we are doing both. My parents are paying for everything, except i paid for my gown, which wasnt much. Nothing over 1000 and thats the way i wanted it to be. You only wear it once. But my mama and daddy are paying for the most part all of it. My fiance will be paying for the band. But I think it is a necessary that you have a wedding and like i said it doesn’t have to be an all out big thing. Just keep it plain and simple or if you want an extravagant wedding well you can, & still keep it under budget. The house is the tricky part for us. Everytime we look to buy something it’s always under contract so that is what we are facing now. But good luck to you maybe you might be able to change his mind! I sure hope so! 🙂
Post # 9
I don’t see why it has to be one or the other. You can have a same wedding, keep a tight budget, and still have money to make a downpayment on a house.
When my parents got married, my grandpa offered my mom $5000 (a particularly good chunk of money at the time, especially with my dad just starting up his own business) to elope or go to the courthouse instead of having a wedding. My mom told him that at some point in life, she and my dad would have $5000 but if they didn’t have a wedding now, they would never have another chance.
Even if having a wedding delaying buying a house for a year or something, you’d still be able to get a house, but you can never get back a wedding if you don’t have one.
Post # 10
I’m in a similar situation regarding trying to save for a down payment on a house while also saving for a wedding. My fiance and I decided we are just going to save as much money as possible to try and have enough for a down payment while still affording our dream wedding. In reading various posts on here and on other wedding websites I have learned there are so many ways to save on your wedding while not compromising the quality you want. =)
Post # 11
Thanks ladies, for all of your comments. I have decided to go through with the wedding because I plan to get married only once and I don’t want to regret not having a wedding later. As far as buying a house, I will continue to save while planning the wedding and when the time is right we will get one.
Post # 12
Congrats on your choice! Its tough
Post # 13
Sounds like a good solution! We’re young, and there’s definitely still time to do both. Congratulations!